Books and Roses
by axrinekey
Summary: OC/Reid. A story that goes around the life of an trainee cadet, Jean Carlisle from the FBI Academy, who eventually enrolled into Agent Hotchner's B.A.U team. Her personal life was like a roller coaster ride after that joining the team.
1. Chapter 1: The Star of the Night

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**- Chapter One -**

**The Star of the Night**

This was my third year studying in the FBI Academy. Located not very far from the academy, was the FBI NCAVC (National Centre for the Analysis of Violent Crime), where usually we, the undergraduates of the academy would go for visits, for interviews and lectures. Majoring in Criminology and minoring in Psychology were the minimum requirements to become a profiler. Physical fitness was also an essential requirement (just in case we need to chase after criminals).

My family against to it when I told them I was determined to study this field, partly because it doesn't assure a very bright future and is a dangerous yet risky job, especially for a girl. But, they did not know the reason behind my determination.

"Since we're going for our internships soon, let's celebrate before we get into our own separate ways!" Laura suggested while grabbing her ice blended coffee and cheered. Laura Charles, always cheerful and was a clubbing-lover.

"Don't talk like as though we're leaving each other! It's just an internship," I could see Camie's eyes were getting teary, but immediately she rubbed them off. Camie Crescent was a girl who was timid and gentle, pretty much of an introvert. Nonetheless, she was tough in the inside, tougher than every one of us. "We're still going to live in the same apartment!"

"But I don't think we'll be meeting each other that often even we're living in the same apartment," Camie explained. "We've been told that we might need to go to other states for cases."

It was weird to be rather intimate with these two girls here, especially when we just knew each other as we joined the FBI Academy, but our friendship was as though remained for more than a decade.

"Hey, I just got a message from Jason," Laura suddenly spattered out from her mouth while reading a message from her cell phone. Jason McAdams, was one of our course mates, who held parties very often, for any kinds of celebrations. Since the day I joined the academy, he had held almost 100 parties, if I was not mistaken. "He said he'll be throwing a party at Starnight Club tonight. Good, now we need not hold a boring party for just the three of us!"

Camie applauded excitingly. "I hope he does get some new boys to come. As you know, the boys in the academy are really..." she sighed. She did not need to continue with any elaboration, as the three of us knew very well what kind of boys lived in the academy. We once thought that the boys there were awesome, but instead, it wasn't as much as what we expected of. They were stinky, dirty, and unhygienic. They were exactly like those high school boys who did not clean themselves after an exaggerating soccer match or basketball match. They would only clean theirselves when they had outings, probably to impress girls whom they would be meeting. Oddly, they never try to impress girls in the academy, at least not from what I had experienced.

"Shh," Laura pointed to an object behind of me, eventually she was pointing towards a girl. "Look! The weird girl is coming towards us."

Weird girl, as described so, was named Julianna Annah Robes. Julianna was indeed a weirdo, a geek. It was not like we were to discrimate or ridicules her, but there was just this weird personality that she possessed that made everyone disliked her. She never talked to anyone in the academy like a friend, she despised people. Despite of her not-so-lovable personalities, she was known to be the top scorer in the academy. She was walking towards me and immediately knocked my shoulder with her books intentionally.

I moaned softly after the knock, and began to massage my shoulder slowly.

"What is wrong with her?" Laura bellowed, so that Julianna could hear her, but obviously she ignored it. She continued walking away without any words coming from her mouth, or any look of remourse.

"Are you OK?" Camie asked while helping me to massage my shoulder.

"Yeah," I nodded while stretching my arms. "I think."

"Congratulations, Jean!" Amy opened her arms to hug me.

"Uhm... pardon me?" I asked confusingly while getting hugged without knowing the reason.

"You got the highest GPA this term! Overtaking Julianna's place!" She answered while again, shaking my right hand.

_No wonder Julianna seemed so angry just now. To her, overtaking her top-scorer place was synonymic to murdering her whole family._

"What? _Me_? Are you sure?" I asked to reassure. I knew I was not that terrible in tests, but I did not expect to be that excel, for this term.

"This causes for another celebration!" Laura roared once more.

**...**

"Welcome to the Starnight Club!" A few ladies wearing with the minimal clothing on their bodies, greeted in front of the entrance.

"Told you it isn't a good idea to come. Look," I whispered to Laura, who was exactly having the opposite thought I was having. She seemed to enjoy it.

"What? It's cool! Look! Those flashing colourful lights," Laura went into the night club without a second thought.

"Since we're here, might as well have a look inside," Camie said while grabbing me into the club.

It was like a basement, the night club. We went down a few steps from the stairs that was covered by darkness which led to another door. There were some faint lights hanging on the wall. The door was wide opened. From where we were standing, we could see clearly everything in the night club. There were a huge crowd inside the room. Colourful lights were beaming every second. The people were so into their own dancing, as though they were hopping in their own places while shaking their heads (that's the way they were dancing).

It was horrid inside the club, for me. We tried to squeeze into the crowd. I could feel their sweaty bodies that glided between our shoulders, I could smell the pungent odour released from their bodies. There was barely enough oxygen for everyone there, I could hardly get any oxygen.

"Phew, finally!" Camie hissed strongly while sitting down beside the bartender.

The music was playing so loud (and the bass of the music was extremely strong, too) so we had to almost yell to each other just so we could hear what we were talking. We could barely hear ourselves.

"Hey, I'm joining the crowd for a dance, wanna join?" Laura asked while grinning. I shook my head abruptly. Camie joined her after she took a massive sip of an alcoholic drink (it was some kind of tequila, I thought, but I do admit that I am a real idiot in cocktails or anything related to alcohols).

Before joining the crowd, Laura was spying around the crowd. Then she advised, "Don't just sit down here and get silent. Go out there and get wild. Talk to somebody you're interested with. Who knows? You might meet your future husband."

"_Right_, what an advice," I rolled my eyes. She gave me a chuckle, and that was the last thing I saw her doing. She and Camie were disappeared through the crowd as they walked into the dance floor to join the crowd.

"Meet my future husband? _Here_? I don't think so," I spoke to myself. From my definition of "clubbers" were people that were not serious on relationships and will not commit themselves on relationships. I might be wrong, but that was the idea I had. Indeed, I did not enjoy clubbing nor did I enjoy loud music. Suddenly, I had no idea why I attended this party.

"Hey, pretty," the bartender suddenly spoke, which gave me a shock, causing a slight jump from the seat. I turned my face towards him. "What drinks would pretty girls like you want?"

"Apple juice," I replied. He started laughing, thinking I was joking. For another second, I felt like such an idiot for replying such answer and was embarrassed with it. Hence, I pretended that I was joking.

"What would you recommend?" I quickly changed the topic before he starts his laughter.

Without hesitation, the bartender started preparing a drink by adding a few bottles of different alcohols (or whatsoever) into a bottle and stared shaking it. After that, a red liquid was poured into a glass.

"Here you go, the '_Sea Breeze_'. Gotta make something to cool down the hotness you possess," the bartender beamed.

"Uh," I grinned uneasily while grabbing the glass of liquor. I placed my lips on the straw, gave a small and cautious sip on the _Sea Breeze_. Immediately, I shrugged automatically as it was cold, with a little sense of sweetness and sourness.

When I finally felt like discovering my surrounding, I realised there was a man (he looked young, but I wouldn't call him a boy), sitting beside of me. He was wearing very tidily, with a brown shirt, a pair black pants and a red tie on his neck. He had this wavy dark hair which was pretty long and messy, a pair of dark circles circling his eyes, a well shaped lip. He was pretty skinny and timid, but no doubt he was tall. He seemed to be searching for someone in the club. His eyes were staring (and squinting his eyes) much further away and I was pretty sure he did not realise my presence.

Recalling the advice Laura gave me just now, (somehow, I believed this man here was not the type of men who visits nightclubs often) I tried talking to him. It wouldn't harm me to have a new friend, I thought.

"Hi," I greeted him nervously.

"Hey," he replied, but his eyes did not stay long at staring at me.

"You come here often?"

"No, I... I don't," he replied while biting his lips.

It was not easy to talk to him because his answers were simple and short, I could not think of any related topics to talk about at that moment.

"You know-" before I could finish my line, a lady who was dancing hysterically, interrupted by throwing her body to me. The liquor from my glass immediately spattered on his shirt.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" The lady apologised.

"Sorry!" I shouted without giving any concentration on that particular lady. Trying to fix the situation, I tried to wipe his clothes with tissues taken from my bag.

"It's OK," he was wiping his shirt with his own hands. "Uhm, I have to go now. See you... next time." He gave this awkward expression as though he was annoyed and left without any further explanation.

I smacked my forehead, for another embarrassment. He must have annoyed by me, was the only thing I could think of. Everything seemed to go rather uncomfortably for me. _Maybe I should leave_, I told myself. I walked out of the club to refresh myself and get some fresh air. It was really stuffy inside.

I exhaled and sighed heavily. Staring at the moon, I realised it was full moon that night. The moon looked larger and brighter than usual. It had been long I saw moon such like this.

"How pretty," I continued to stare into the night sky, where stars were twinkling and glittering one by one.

"Hey," a familiar voice called. I turned to him, and he was the guy I met in the club just now.

"Oh, hey," I replied awkwardly. The reunion did not send me any comfortable signs.

He seemed like he was in a dilemma to what he was about to say. "Do you drive?"

"Huh?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Uhm, I'm an FBI agent, I need to go to a certain places immediately," he took out his FBI badge and ID card from his wallet. He also showed me his FBI credential. "Can you give me a ride?"

"Uhhh..." He did not, with any physical appearance, look like an FBI agent. I did doubt about it.

"Don't worry, it's not far at all from here," he continued to explain, trying to persuade. Perhaps, I did look doubtful about what he just said.

"S...Sure," I replied without any further questions. I took out my car key and headed towards an old and worn, rented Ford. He followed behind.

As soon we got into the car, he took out his phone and turned on his GPS. Then he gave some directions. "Turn right, and then go straight, then turn left."

Very swiftly, even driving with an antique car, we reached to his destination. He stepped off the car very quickly, without even saying a "thank you" to me. The last thing I heard him saying was to the phone, "Hotch, I've gone into the alley. Morgan has traced the _unsub_. I'm meeting him now." I stared at his shadow as it disappeared through the thin air when he entered a dark alley. There were lights, but they were very faded and dimmed lights.

Later, I heard the police sirens, where police cars were arriving. I quickly made way for the police cars while reversing my car to park at the other side. Policemen came out from their cars respectively and had guns and pistols, all readily on their hands. It must be a serious crime. I stared quietly through my car's window.

_Bang! Bang!_ A few gunshots were heard, followed by two figures rushing out from the alley. Another car reached and parked beside the police cars. A man and a woman came out from the car, they headed towards the two figures. The man had black hair; he seemed to be in his 40s. He seemed familiar. _Of course, he's Aaron Hotchner!_

I came out from the car, having an extreme excitement and joy in my heart. He started talking with the two figures, eventually one of them was the wavy hair man I met earlier, and another one was a black guy with a well-built body figure. A few blinks later, he was nowhere to be seen. He left silently.

"Jean, where are you?" Camie asked through the phone.

"Uhh, I'm coming," I knew I wasn't giving the right answer, but all of the sudden, I had no idea what to say, or what to reply.

As I got back into the car, I saw something left on the passenger seat. It was a brown leather wallet. I examined the wallet, including checking the cards and cash inside the wallet. I glanced through the credential. There were 2 pages in the credential, one with a photo attached to it, the other with wordings as below:

_FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION_

_Dr. Spencer Reid_

_Supervisory Secret Agent_

_Code: 1201-XXXX-XXXX_

_ Spencer Reid... he's from the B.A.U.?_


	2. Chapter 2: Coworkers

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**- Chapter Two -**

**Co-workers**

"Hey, who's this guy?" Laura asked while holding onto an ID card, eventually she took it out from the brown leather wallet in my bag. She said sarcastically, "he looked so much like a geek (and he has serious eye bags and dark eye circles). Is he anorexic? He looks unhealthy."

"A guy I met in the club just now," I replied while snatching the wallet away. "He's an FBI agent."

"Woah! You met a guy? Wait... this kind of guy goes clubbing?" Laura asked while squinting her eyes to get a closer look on the photo in the ID card, increasing her pitch in each phrase.

"No, I think he's searching for a criminal, or something," I shrugged while putting the wallet back into my black sling bag.

"Hah! I knew it!" Laura snapped. "Hey, that means he's our potential co-worker!"

"Let's go to bed earlier. Tomorrow is an important day!" Camie told, uninterested on what we were discussing, while rushing back into her room.

"Early? How can 3 a.m. called early?" The two girls had stuck themselves in the night club until 2.30 a.m., and were very unwillingly to be dragged back to the apartment, by me.

I went into my room and lied on my bed. I lay back slowly on to the pillow to rest my head. It was indeed a strenuous day; I could feel all the sourness on the back of my neck, caused by strain and pressure. After I got comfortable with my position, I shut my eyes.

_Aaron Hotchner..._ was the last thing I remembered before I shut my mind and went to another dreamland.

...

It was the first time I went to the FBI NCAVC by myself. I took the elevator, pressing the button that indicated to the floor where the BAU located at. My nerve was pretty wrecked, as this place by chance, might be my intern workplace. My heart was racing so wildly, as though it was having a race with the elevator.

"Are you new here? Never seen you here before," a guy who was travelling in the elevator asked.

"Uh, no, ah... I came to return something," I stuttered. It was pretty horrifying to talk with people who were actually real FBI agents, as I never encountered many of them in my life.

As the door of the elevator opened, I took a deep breath mechanically and walked out of the elevator. I walked a distance of route only reached the department of B.A.U. There were lots of desks and chairs, lying side by side, cupboards and shelves filled by papers and files, Photostat machines, rooms, and the number of people in that floor was countless. Everyone looked very busy and hectic. People were walking from left to ride, front to the back, up and down. They were holding stacks of papers, answering calls or discussing with each other. It was a non-stop movement. The atmosphere was filled with noises (including voices and phone ringing) and tension.

"Uh, excuse me," I asked a lady, who ignored me, or perhaps she did not notice my existence, then she walked away.

I continued to ask several men and ladies, but they were all so into what they were doing, they could not hear anything from me.

"Hi!" A rather plump lady with golden blonde hair greeted me pleasantly, with a grin planted on her face. She was wearing a pair of weird pink spectacles, and was having an odd hair-do. Her lips were coloured cherry pink, the eye shadow she used was dark red in colour. She was holding onto a pen with a cartoon figure placed on the tip of the pen. From her physical appearance, she was easily distinguished from the other people because of the colourful attires (others were wearing rather darker colours clothing). "How can I help you?"

"Oh, uh... I'm here to return something, uhm... Spencer, Spencer Reid," I replied horribly as she suddenly encountered me. Then, I continued, "I'm here to return him something he lost."

"Oh, you mean Dr. Reid," she grinned. "We don't usually call him Spencer Reid, or Spencer. Anyway, follow me."

I followed behind her, where she led me into a room, which looked like a conference room. It was not a very spacious room, though, as compared to normal conference room, which has massive space and large table. There was a table that just fitted nicely with several chairs. In front of the table, was a small TV alike screen (but I don't suppose they use it to watch TV shows). Near the windows, were a few almost 1m tall cupboards. There were numerous books in them, all related to laws, crimes and psychology.

"Wait here, please. Or if you would like, sit here," she spoke with a friendly smile. Then she took out a chair from the table. She continued with a squeaky voice. "Everyone's so busy! Best is that you wait right here, I'll get Reid here. By the way, what's your name?"

I did not see the reason of giving her my name, as Spencer Reid obviously had no idea what was my name. But the eagerness and enthusiasm from her eyes, unintentionally gave me orders to answer her. "Jean Carlisle."

She nodded, before leaving the room. After a few minutes of waiting, I saw two figures heading towards the conference room. I tried to have a sneak peek on them.

"Jean Carlisle? I don't think I know such person. No, I don't know. My brain hasn't registered a name like that. You know, if I have heard of that name, I would have remembered with my eidetic memory," the man continued. "Are you sure you didn't hear the wrong name?"

"Just go in! She said she wants to return you something," the woman pushed him into the room.

"Right!" The man snapped, as though he recalled of something, before getting a thrust, an unpleasant one, which sent him flying, almost falling directly onto the floor. Fortunately, he was able to balance himself and got back up.

"Hello! Are you alright?" I asked worriedly, before realising he found his balance. He swept his curly long hair to the back of his ears and stood up straight.

"My wallet!" was the first thing that came from his mouth and the first thing that caught his attention. He glared at my hand, which was holding onto his wallet, like a hungry tiger finally finds its prey. "I have been searching my whole apartment and my desk and everywhere! I must have left it when I took out my FBI badge and credential!"

I passed him his wallet. He gave a heavy sigh, feeling of relieved.

"You're..." he frowned when he saw my face. He continued to stare at me, for reconfirmation. "You look different. Right, you weren't wearing your glasses that night like you are now."

I nodded quietly.

"You have no idea what will happen if these fall to the wrong hands, like how Agent Morgan did and he got into trouble," he bit his lips. He started examining and checking his wallet, then he continued. "Thank you."

"Finally," I heaved a sigh heavily. The appreciation that was long waited had finally been heard.

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing," I shook my head vigorously and smiled. "Anyway, I have to go now. I've got a class to attend soon."

"Class?" He asked curiously. "You're studying?"

"In the FBI Academy, yeah," I nodded while grabbing my bag that was lying on the table.

"Really?" He asked, widening his eyes. "Ooh."

Still, I did not think he was an FBI agent, with his whole physical appearance. Maybe I was still judging a book by its cover. His messy curly brown hair never fails to catch my attention. Under the sunlight that was penetrated through the windows, I had a clearer image of him. He had a very distinct jaw line, his jaw was pretty blunt and square, his wavy long hair was covered with dark brown colour and a few strands of black ones. His neck was pretty long and he had a huge forehead. No doubt, he was timid and skinny, but tall.

"Bye," I waved my hand. Before I left the room, I quickly added with a smile, to be friendly. "Nice to meet you, Spencer!"

When I almost reached the elevator, I saw Aaron Hotchner standing inside the elevator, where the door was closing. I walked and hopped with enormous steps, but still I could not catch up. The elevator door shut in front of my eyes. I sighed heavily while waiting for the next ride.

...

"The list is out!" Everyone was roaring the same sentence. The list of internships for the third year students was finally released.

"I've printed out for you," Camie handed over a copy of the list. I searched cautiously throughout the list. On the fourth page, I finally saw my name, almost at the bottom of the list.

_192. Jean Carlisle [5(1)0298] - Team 2, FBI's BAU, Quantico, Virginia._

_Mentor: Professor Greystone_

_Supervisor: Agent Aaron Hotchner_

_Aaron Hotchner? He's in the B.A.U? _Coincident or what, it did freak me out a moment. I was pretty surprised, at the same time, having also the feeling of thrilled and elated to get into his team. I wondered if he remembered me, the girl he saved a decade ago. But he must have saved so many people that saving me wouldn't be much of a special case that was worth registering in his memory.

"They say we need to get our team members' profiles from the respective mentors," Camie said while still glancing through her own copy of the list. "Hmm, whose team are you in? Mine is Team 5 in New York City!"

"Huh?" I was not concentrating on her question because I was still wandering in my own thoughts, but I managed to pick up. "Team 2 in Quantico, the headquarters of B.A.U."

After that, we went to our mentors to get our team members' profile lists. I wondered if anyone got into the same team, but what I heard was none. Everyone was enlisted into different teams of different states.

There were photos of each member and names written beside them. Additionally, there were also their biographies and archives. I glanced through and read aloud the names on the list I was holding, "Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jereau, Spencer Reid... S-Spencer Reid?"_ Isn't he the FBI guy I met?_ My jaw dropped to the floor immediately.

"Spencer Reid? Oh, the genius!" Laura chuckled.

"Oh my God! You're in Derek Morgan's team?" Camie asked, disbelieving and leery, while snatching my list.

"Who?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Haven't you heard of him?" Laura asked as though it was an every one-know-case. I shook my head as soon I heard the question. "Derek Morgan, the charming FBI Secret Agent!"

"Charming?" I choked and started giggling.

"And that Reid (or the geek, if that's what you would call him)," Laura continued, "Is indeed a total genius!"

"I recalled his lecture in the academy based on serial killers' brains," Camie said. "Few years ago."

"You all really did your homework," I shook my head continuously, having the feeling of them being ridiculous.

...

My first day as a trainee, my first day of wearing formal shirts and pants. I tied the black ribbon in front of my chest tightly. I twisted my body from right to left in front of the mirror to check my attire. I brush my shoulder length hair softly. Put on minimal make up.

_I'm ready._

The other two girls were still busy beautifying themselves.

"Hurry up! We're going to be late!" I shouted at them in front of the main door while tapping my fingers on the door knob. I was like a little 7 years old kid who wanted to go to school so badly during the first day of school, very enthusiastic and hyperactive.

"Coming!" Camie and Laura yelled in unison.

After that, we had quick breakfasts near the apartment. I had a French toast and a cup of English breakfast tea. I was so keen to work that my stomach was bloated even I had not eat much. I could feel the butterflies bumping against the walls of my stomach vigorously. After the breakfast, the three of us went to our own separate ways. The girls would only come back once a week during the weekend, since they were going to other states. Not sure if they were to intern in a B.A.U, though. I heard the only B.A.U was in Quantico.

I took a subway to reach the FBI NCAVC building. Since I had been to the B.A.U, I consumed less time to search for that floor. Previously, it took me half an hour just to find a not-so-busy receptionist to ask for directions. When I finally reached the correct floor, I took another deep breath, straightened my back, then I walked out of the elevator.

It was the same scenario as the first time I came here. People were still busy; they were still walking around like those diligent and assiduous ants. I walked towards the the Chief Unit's room, which was Aaron Hotchner's room. I walked to the stairs, which led to a few offices. I walked to the door where a tag, "Chief Unit - Team 2" was onto. It was locked, and no one was inside. I tried searching for the other members, but no one was to be found. So, I confronted a stranger, who looked like the least busy person in that section.

"Do you know where Aaron Hotchner is?"

"The team had just gone to Canada to solve a case yesterday. I think they'll be back this weekend," she replied. "You must be the trainee cadet."

I nodded silently.

"Agent Hotchner told me to tell you to start work next Monday."

"Next Monday?" I repeated. All of a sudden, I fell my heart sank. All the eagerness and excitement had dropped abruptly, like a roller coaster.

"Yes," she said and turned away to continue her own work.

I could not believe what I had heard. I had to wait for another week to start my internship. How unlucky it was! All the keenness and enthusiasm were all in vain. I felt a sudden emptiness in my heart.

"If you don't mind, you can have a look on those cases they have solved earlier. Might help you in the future," she pointed on the files stacked up in one of the shelves. I accepted her advice and looked through the files. There were a huge number of cases that were solved by them. Incredible! I spent almost a week to look through the files (however, I did not really read everything specifically). Even though it was tiring and boring, since I had nothing to do and while waiting for the whole team to return, might as well just read the files. It was some kind of an excuse and a driving force that brought me into BAU every day.

Finally the first day came. They returned from their recent case. They looked pretty worn out and tired, even though they had took a day off the previous day. I went there early in the morning to wait for the team to arrive. They didn't seem to notice my existence, even Reid. I was not sure if they were the team I was supposed to be in (except Reid). Suddenly, a woman with black hair approached me.

"Hi there." She was the woman I saw that night I met Reid, who came out from the car with Hotchner, but I could not recognise her on the photo. "Are you, by any chance, the trainee?"

"Yeah," I nodded eagerly, placing a smile on my face.

"I'm Special Agent Emily Prentiss, you can call me Emily or Prentiss (that's what the team usually calls me)," she introduced herself while shaking my hand.

"Hello, Emily," I preferred to call people's name.

"Hotch is busy with his work (like the usual days), so I shall take the honour to take you on a tour in the B.A.U," she explained and started leading me.

"This is Special Agent Derek Morgan," she introduced the first person who was sitting nearest to where we were standing just now. "I think you should have read about him in the profile list you received."

I nodded.

"Hello there, pretty. Nice to meet you," the man called Derek Morgan greeted while waving his hand. He was the guy that came out from the dark alley with Reid. He seemed rather excited. "I didn't know our trainee is a girl (luckily)! Hotch didn't tell us anything."

Prentiss gave him a glare. Then she continued to another desk. "This is Dr. Spencer Reid. Hotch prefers us to known him as Dr. Reid (for appreciation and respects from the people, since he's young)."

"Oh, hello again, Jean Carlisle!" Reid waved his hand wildly with a little stiffness. "I didn't know you're going to intern here."

"You knew her?" Prentiss and Morgan asked surprisingly, raising an eyebrow together.

"We met during the night we're chasing over the Dillan Gregor," Reid explained. Then he continued innocently, while blinking his eyes, "you know, the night we went to the Starnight Club and..."

"I know, I know," Prentiss cut him. Then she continued to another desk, but the desk was empty.

"JJ!" Prentiss called to a woman with long and straight blonde hair girl. She was very pretty with her light coloured eyes. "This is Agent Jennifer Jereau, she's the media liaison of the B.A.U."

"Oh, hi there! You must be the trainee! Glad to have you here," she grinned charmingly. "Call me '_JJ_', like everyone does here."

She walked away while flipping her cell phone on and started talking.

"That man there, sitting in that room, is Agent David Rossi. He's the Senior SSA (Supervisory Special Agent) of the B.A.U. Very experienced profiler. He was the author of a few criminal books, too." She pointed towards a rather elderly man sitting in a room of his own, who was busy scribbling. "He doesn't really like people to interrupt him when he's trying to work on something."

I stared at the man in that particular room. He seemed much focussed on what he was doing, even though I had no idea what he was scribbling.

"Good morning, Garcia!" Prentiss wished as a plump woman was walking towards our direction.

"Good morning, Emily!" She wished back, and as soon as she saw my face, she recognised me like how I recognised her. "Oh, it's you! Hello!"

"Hi," I greeted back. "What a small world."

"So, both of you met again? It seemed like you have a pretty much fate with our team members," Prentiss concluded. "This is our team's technical analyst, Penelope Garcia."

"Nice to meet you, officially. So you're the new trainee?" she shook my hand, very excitingly. "See you later! I've got tons of hacking to work on!"

Prentiss smiled as Garcia walked off. Then she continued to walk towards the Chief Unit's room.

"This is Senior SSA Aaron Hotchner, a.k.a your supervisor," Prentiss introduced as she opened the door.

"You must be Jean Carlisle, the trainee," Hotchner said, I nodded spontaneously but it seems like he did not take notice of it. "You've read through the solved-cases' files?"

I nodded. "Not all of them, but I've read through about half of it."

"Good," he spoke in his deepest and husky voice. "Continue reading them. I'll inform you when you're ready to join us."

"OK," I nodded. I could not stop staring at him, wondering if he actually remembered me. My heart was pounding each second I stared at him. I could feel warm blood rushing through my veins. It was as though an admirer or a fan met her idol.

Hotchner sensed the odd atmosphere in the air. He looked straight up to my face. I quickly changed my direction of view.

"Anything else?" He asked, looking very sternly. His glare shot directly to mine.

"No," I shook my head. I could not stare back into his eyes. Prentiss led me out of the room.

"He's always the serious person, nonetheless, he's actually very caring and loving, just that he never shows it out," Prentiss explained while bringing me to a desk.

"This is your desk," Prentiss smiled. "Feel free to ask anything to anyone of us."

"Thank you." I sat down the desk and looked at the new environment. Opposite me was Reid's desk. The other desk which was separated by a small pathway was Morgan's. Opposite of Morgan's was Prentiss'.

"Here are your files," JJ said while placing a load of files in front of me. "Hotch asked me to send you these. Good luck."

JJ then walked away while listening to another phone call.

I stared blankly on those files, my eyes were widened.

_Sigh...Heck lots of files to read through!_


	3. Chapter 3: First Case

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N:** I did some slight changes in the description of the B.A.U. office, re-read if you want, but it was really slight one, which I realised I mis-described the whole office. Anyway, I'll be busy with school so I don't think I'll update so often.

**- Chapter Three -**

**First Case**

"We have a new case," Hotchner spoke as he walked out from his office while holding onto a pile of files.

Immediately, the whole team followed him into the conference room, without a need of command. The air was filled with tension all of a sudden. I was puzzled and hesitated whether to follow them.

"You don't have to participate in this case," Hotchner said when he walked out from the conference room to grab hold onto another file from one of the shelves. "Continue reading the files."

Then, he went back into the conference room. I stared at the whole team, who were discussing their latest case. They all looked focused and concerted. They were all participated in the case, except me. It felt as though I was left out on purpose. The only thing I could do was just to stare at them from the outside, full of envy in the heart. Feeling rather disappointed and thwarted, I continued to read the files with the least attentiveness as my mind started to wander around the reasons of being left out.

More than half an hour later, they finally came out from the conference room. Without any alarm, the team rushed out from the building, leaving me behind without any other words of leaving.

"Do you need any help?" I quickly approached JJ before she reached the elevator.

"Uhm, no, I don't," JJ planted a smile on her beautiful face. She patted on my shoulder, understanding my situation. "Don't worry, you'll get to involve in cases in the future."

I replied her with a blunt smile.

During the evening, the other officers had started leaving the unit, but the team had not returned from their case. It was getting gradually silent and soundless. The people were getting lesser and lesser, until the whole floor became empty. On the same night, the team finally came back for writing reports. They continued to discuss the case.

"What if the _unsub _was actually trying to tell us something from the murder? Maybe he was trying to show us his dominance and power?" Morgan asked while folding his arms.

"No, I don't suppose so, because he hasn't leaved us any notes or messages from the way he kills," Reid disagreed while shaking his head. "But I'm pretty sure there are connections between the victims and the _unsub_."

"True. The murders are obviously of personal, some shot and some stabbed, multiple times by the same part, the head," Morgan gave examples while rubbing his forehead.

"What if the victims were the _unsub_'s love rivals?" Prentiss suggested with her eyes burning with determination. "Or maybe he thinks that these men were stealing his beloved away, from his own fantasy."

This suggestion struck the whole team, who began to believe that was the reason that triggered the _unsub_ to kill.

"Penelope," Morgan started a conversation with Garcia via the webcam on his computer, "check the unsub's relationship with the victims' girlfriends. Check if they are related in anyways."

"Roger, sweet pie!" Garcia's voice was heard clearly, coming out from the speakers. "The girlfriends of the victims were Jennifer Granger, Catherine Muller, Stacey Johnson. I found their photos, too. They work in the same company."

"Garcia, can you send us that information?" Reid spoke on his seat.

"Check your mail and ready to be wow-ed, partners," Garcia said playfully.

After that, Morgan checked his e-mail. Reid followed Morgan and stared on the computer screen of Morgan's. Both of them read through the information sent by Garcia rigorously and scrupulously.

"Guys, I found something!" Morgan snapped his finger, with a sense of accomplishment. "The _unsub_ may be working in the same company, so he understands and knows very well the lives of these women."

He continued to converse with Garcia.

"Garcia, send me the list of the employers and employees of the company."

"Right away, cupcake."

Morgan continued to scan through the list.

"Check on this Simon Stones, Garcia," Reid demanded.

"You think he's the _unsub_?" Prentiss asked.

Reid nodded confidently.

"From the information we have here," he pointed to the screen. "He had once charged for stalking his female co-worker, who eventually resigned after the incident."

"We've got to inform Hotch," Prentiss said while going into the Chief Unit's office.

Reid put down his files onto his desk and got ready to leave, followed by Morgan. Prentiss and Hotchner came out together from the office.

Suddenly, Morgan sat on my desk.

"Hey, baby, can you kindly help me to finish this report?" Morgan asked with his sweet words. "I have to go for an investigation, a very important one. Do you think you can help me with the reports?"

I believed it was the too-obliging personality that I had in me naturally, that I could not refuse other people's requests. My mother used to nag me a lot about this personality of mine. "Sure."

"Oh my God! I love you, baby!" He shouted as the whole team stared at his gestures, and he stopped moving because of the embarrassment.

"Morgan, how can you make her do what you're supposed to do?" Reid lectured. "You know you're not supposed to do that. It's irresponsible."

"If I don't catch the _unsub_, it's worse than irresponsible!" Morgan argued back. "Plus, she doesn't mind!" Then he turned his face and stared at me, "Aren't you?"

I gave an uneasy smile.

"See?" Morgan smirked.

"Spencer, I don't mind. It's OK," I gave him a convincing smile. I took the reports and started typing on the keyboard.

"Can you all quit the quarrel and go now?" Prentiss asked as Hotchner was showing an unpleasant look.

"Thanks lots, love," Morgan said while following Prentiss and Hotchner's steps to the elevator.

Reid stared at me for awhile, and then he followed the others. For a moment, he hesitated to continue walking.

"Uhm... Is there anything I can help you?" I asked as Reid was not stepping forward nor backward. He was standing still, frozen for a moment. I was secretly hoping that he would ask me to do something related to the case.

" Never mind," he gave me a blunt smile, and then he continued to walk forward and joined the others.

3 hours had gone. The whole building was so empty and silent. The only thing that could be heard was the ticking sounds of the 5 clocks hanging on the wall (I sometimes wondered why they put so many clocks on the wall), where time passed so swiftly yet silently without any notification. The clocks in front of me were showing 11.30 p.m. and I still had no idea how to complete the report. My hands were on the keyboard, but they were not moving at all. They had been frozen ever since the owner's mind went blank. They must have felt helpless. No one was there to be questioned or asked for help. I felt a sudden remorse towards promising Morgan for helping him with the reports, because I had no idea what to do. I never learn to do these reports in the academy.

_How am I going to finish these reports?_ I could not bear to even think of the consequences. I had sacrificed my dinner and yet I could not finish the report or find any solutions. I felt so useless. They would blame Morgan when the reports are not done, and Morgan would blame me for not completing the reports. As for myself, I would feel so guilty and yet stupid about myself.

"I'm going to read up the case again and reprofile the _unsub_," someone spoke as he walked out from the elevator.

"Good. I'll finish up my reports then," Hotchner spoke monotonously as he walked into his office.

Reid walked towards his desk and sat down. He did not notice my presence even though I was just sitting in front of him. Nay, he was not aware of his surroundings. I sent him a few shots of stare but he did not realise my presence. In the end, I gave up getting any attention from him and got down to musing.

"Oh, hey, Jean," he finally called. I had no idea what caught his attention, though.

"Hey," I called back as though I, too, just realised his presence.

"Didn't notice you were here," he continued. "Still going through Morgan's reports?"

I nodded. I wished silently that he could lend me a hand on the reports. My eyes did not leave the computer screen even for a second, but my mind was totally blank. I was staring at an empty blank document. I gave a deep sigh.

"Are you alright?" Reid asked as he pushed his head away from being blocked by the computer. "Your hands aren't typing and you're just staring blankly at the computer. You should be having problems on the reports Morgan gave to you, am I right?"

He pierced a smile on his face. I bit my lower lip unwillingly. Then he walked towards my place and stared at my computer screen.

"Empty?" He said, rather amazed than flabbergasted.

I smiled to myself, feeling rather useless and embarrassed, while scratching my head. Nothing came out from my mouth. He bent down his body. His head went closer to stare at the files on my desk, and then he started to press on the keyboard.

"Hmm, firstly, you have to type this," then he used his two index fingers to press each letter from the keyboard. Then, he referred back to the file.

"Do you follow?" He asked as I started to ponder away. His face was rather close to mine. I could feel his breath under my neck. My heartbeat rate increased drastically. I had not been that close distant with any men before. I could not concentrate at all, even if I tried.

"Are you OK? Do you follow me?" He repeated while staring to my eyes. Immediately his eyes wandered away, as though he did not want our eyes to meet.

"Yes," I nodded and stared at my arms, which were carrying my fingers onto the keyboard.

Reid walked back to his desk and started reading his own files. I followed his instructions and started to type the reports.

"Do you need any help? It's pretty late now, I think I might be able to lend you a hand," Reid said with a smiling face, while grabbing away a few files from my desk, before I could give him any answers.

After he finished with the reports, he took a coin and a piece of paper, and then he walked to my desk.

"Want to see a magic trick?" He grinned happily. "I know it's not the right time, but just to relieve your stressing mind."

I nodded, not because I wanted to see his magic trick, it was because of his eagerness and enthusiasm on showing it.

He took out a coin from his pocket and convinced me it was a genuine silver coin. Then he did the same with a piece of paper. He placed the coin onto the centre of the paper and folded the paper carefully into a small square shape, with the coin in it, so that there was supposed, no opening for it to fall off.

"1, 2, 3... ta-da!" The coin fell off from the paper and he was in time to catch the coin.

"Wow," I said, but not in a fascinating tone. "But, I've seen such tricks before, and knew how it was done."

"But you were amazed," he spoke confidently.

"No, I was not," I assured him.

"You were. Your eyes were burning with amusement," he continued to argue back. "You were amazed. Admit it."

"I wasn't," I repeated. "I just didn't think you have a thing with magic tricks."

"You know, you resist admitting it because of your pride and ego," Reid continued with an innocent smirk. How could a smirk look innocent? But he did look innocent!

"Does Hotchner always stay up so late?" I quickly changed the topic to stop the tiff. Actually, this question had popped out in my mind as both of them came back to the office. I had no idea what triggered me to think of such question. I just happened to peek on him who was busy scribbling in his office. He was so intense and stressed.

"Late? This is probably the earliest time of the night for him," Reid said sarcastically. "He usually stays up very late."

Finally, Hotchner seemed to be packing up his papers and files in his office. He placed his files into a shelf slowly and carefully, before shutting off the lights in his office.

"Reid, are you done with the profiling?" He asked while walking out from his office, with a file on his arm.

"Yes, I found that the _unsub_ had this habit to dispose his murder weapon, meanwhile he left signs showing he was disorganised," Reid said while sipping a cup of coffee. As Reid was going to continue, Hotchner stopped him.

"It's OK, sleep earlier today and continue tomorrow," Hotchner said, and then he turned his attention to me. "Are you done yet, Carlisle?"

I nodded as I finished typing the last sentence of the report. "D-done."

"Come, I'll fetch both of you home."

Hotchner led both of us to his car. Reid sat beside the driver's seat. I sat behind of him. There were toys and papers scattered all over the car.

"I'm sorry, it's a little messy in here," Hotchner said while sitting on the driver's seat. He turned his body to try to clean up the mess. He mumbled, "must be Jack."

"It's OK, I'll stack them up," I helped him to tidy up the papers and pile them up together. Hotchner turned his body back to the front and turned on the engine of the car.

"Where do you live?" Hotchner asked in his husky deep voice.

I was not paying attention. No, it was not the correct words. It was more like I heard the question, but I did not know it was for me, even though it was obvious that the question was shot to me. I was just not aware of it. Maybe because it was pretty late, and my mind was shut off from everything.

Hotchner cleared his throat and repeated the same question. "Where do you live, Carlisle?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know... Rosemary Apartment. It's in town," I replied hesitantly.

"You live there?" Reid asked while turning his face to my direction.

I nodded.

"What a small world! I live there, too!"

"Really?" I said in awe. "I have never seen you before in the apartment."

"Neither do I," Reid threw the words naturally. Somehow, I felt that there's a little cynical tone brought with these words.

"Good, now I only have to send both of you to one location," Hotchner spoke with a smile. It was such a rare occasion to see Hotchner smiling.

All of a sudden, I felt my stomach growling, very fiercely. I finally recalled of skipping my dinner. Reid turned his face and stared at me, while Hotchner gave me a serious yet awkward look on the reflection of the back mirror.

"Let's go for supper," Hotchner said while turning over his car.

...

"So, how are your trainings?" Laura asked eagerly. It seemed like she was very enthusiastic on telling her experience. She must have tons of stories to be told.

"Not good," Camie said, as though she was feeling sick. "Bodies... Dead bodies..."

"You encountered dead bodies?" I exclaimed. I had not seen any dead bodies in my life, yet, except on photographs, which the teams used during their discussion and I got to have a few peeks.

"You have not?" Both of them sang in unison. I stared at them blankly.

"Nope," I shook my head as I scooped the strawberry ice-cream and placed it into my mouth, to comfort myself.

"What were you doing these past 2 weeks then?" Laura asked, looking surprised.

"Reading files and cases, paper works," I uttered mechanically.

"You are damn lucky, I tell you. Dead corpses are horrible! Every time I see them, I'll throw up," Camie said with a horrified look. "I rather stay in the office and do paper works!"

"It isn't that terrible, Camie!" Laura tried to persuade.

"I've seen this awkward killer who raped dead bodies and cut them into pieces! Trust me, it _is _horrible!" Camie spoke, and then she took a long sip on her drink, as though drinking could help her to remove those awful memories.

They were both discussing about the cases they had been through. I was sitting there, listening to their stories, envious and jealous. They seemed to have solved quite a number of cases, and I was the only one who had not even been out for once with the team.

There was a time where a long pause occurred. Then, Laura's voice broke the silence between us. "You know, in my department, there's only _ONE _profiler, and I'm now under him. You will not believe how he helps the whole police team to solve crimes! Just a few days ago, he solved a mysterious serial killing case which involved murders 10 years ago!"

"For me, I have the most awesome team! Not to mention, a fine and gorgeous Nicholas Jones!" Camie applauded to herself, and gave herself a toast of celebration, with a glass of apple juice.

"Nicholas Jones?" I uttered the name while raising an eyebrow. It seemed like my ego had forbid me to believe that other people's teams were better.

"Jean, isn't that your team members?" Laura pointed towards a tiny group of people walking into the coffee shop. There were three of them, Garcia, Morgan and Reid.

Camie, who was sitting beside me, elbowed me silently, miming at me to greet them. I ignored the two of them, but secretly I did send a few stares to them, hoping they would notice my existence. They seemed to be discussing their latest case, a lunatic killer who killed children and took away their hearts together with him. The three of them ordered cups of coffee and started their discussion, very quietly.

"Why don't you greet them?" Laura whispered aloud. She was utterly eager to know them.

"Hey, baby girl," I turned my head and stared at Morgan. He rested his fingers on my chair.

"Hello, Derek," I smiled uneasily.

"Baby girl?" Camie whispered with a squeaky voice. The two girls started their little giggle.

"Your friends?" He continued.

I nodded. "From the academy."

"Oh, so, we're of the same boats," Morgan said. "Welcome to the criminals' world."

"I'm Laura Charles," Laura grinned.

"I'm Camie Crescent," Camie shook Morgan's arm fervently.

"I'm Derek Morgan," Morgan introduced charmingly. "Nice to meet you both, ladies."

The two girls continued to stare at Morgan's charming grin. I nudged both of them to cease them from continuing their gazing.

"Uh, I'll go back to the others. Feel free to join us," Morgan threw his attention to me, and then he returned to his other team partners. I glanced at Reid and Garcia, who waved at me keenly. I waved and sent a smile back to them.

...

"Guys, there's a new case," Prentiss called as she came out from Hotchner's office.

As usual, I sat at my desk and started reading a rather antique file (it was almost 10 years old). I secretly stared at each of them walking very swiftly into the conference room.

"Jean, come and join us," Prentiss called.

I stared blankly at her. I was wondering whether if I was imagining that or it was misheard. _I must be hallucinating!_

"Jean?" Prentiss called again at the girl whose mind had wandered far away - me. "Come in. It was Hotchner's order."

"Oh!" I yelled and stood up quickly, resulting on hitting the desk by the leg. I was rubbing my leg as I was walking into the conference room.

The whole team was staring at me as I walked into the room. Hotchner and Rossi were introducing the case in front of an invisible board, pasted with photographs of dead bodies and some scribbling.

Then Hotchner continued while pointing at one of the photos. "As I was saying, the girls had been killed with similar techniques. They were first strangled, and then stabbed multiple times."

"They were stabbed after they were killed," Rossi explained deeper.

I still had not found a place to settle down. Reid waved at me and mimed at me to sit beside of him, since there was an empty space.

"Why would the _unsub_ stab them after they were dead?" Morgan asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Personal feelings towards the victims?" Prentiss asked while cupping her jaw. "In the crime scenes, it is obvious that the _unsub_ was not a burglar or thief as there were no loss of belongings except for the purses and wallets. So, the unsub is not killing for wealth. Besides, wallets usually carry some personal belongings like photographs with the beloved ones and some other little notes."

"You know, there are killers who think that strangling doesn't exactly kill a person, he needs a confirmation of death from the victims, which could mean that the _unsub_ is feeling insecure and unconfident, or perhaps he wants to feel the gusto during the stabbing, like sexual satisfaction," Reid explained very swiftly.

"Guys," JJ spoke after she turned the knob of the door. "There is another murder. It is suggested that this homicide is done by the same _unsub_ we're dealing with."


	4. Chapter 4: Just a Bad Memory

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long to update. I was busy with my MUET exam (which I did badly. Epic fail!). This chapter was extremely long, when I realised it was too late. I had been modifying it for like tons of times...

**- Chapter Four –**

**Just a Bad Memory**

The homicide occurred in one of the small towns in East Tennessee. We rode two black SUVs (Sport Utility Vehicle) which belonged to the FBI, to the crime scene. Hotchner was the driver of the SUV which Prentiss and I were riding onto. The other members were driven by Morgan in another SUV, following behind of Hotchner's.

"These are the photos of the victims which suggested that the homicides are related," Prentiss passed me a case file, with the FBI logo and some wordings printed on the cover.

I flipped open the file cautiously and looked through the photos. The victims were all women, who were in their late 20s. They all had similar murdered methods. There were thin bruises as indications of strangling on their necks, bruises on their cheeks and arms resulted from brutal beating, numerous stabbing by their hearts. This killer must have some kind of hatred or abomination towards the victims, I thought. These photos did not really present any useful clues except showing the signature of the killer, though.

The whole journey was silent and stiff. The odd silence was broken when Prentiss finally opened her mouth and spoke.

"So, how's Jack?"

"He's fine. Jessica's taking care of him," Hotchner replied. "He almost gets used with everything already, even though sometimes he would still mention about Haley and…"

He cleared his throat and stopped from continuing. It was not because he was lost of words. It was as though something had suppressed him from continuing, maybe a horrid memory. I was sitting there, pondering and re-enacting questions, from who were Jack and Haley to what happened to them. _Should I ask? Will that make me sound like a busybody?_

Prentiss knew the situation she had put Hotchner into. She did not continue the conversation. She allowed Hotchner to take time on regaining his mind. There were no changes in facial expression in Hotchner, but his eyes had betrayed him. They got a little teary and emotional. They were not focusing but trembling, which gave hints that he started to wander in his mind, probably recalling an awful memory which delivered a negative impact to his life. After a few seconds later, he finally got rid of the bad memories.

"We've reached," Hotchner informed with his deep toneless voice.

We jumped out of the SUV and walked towards a house. The 2-storey house was painted in white. It was fenceless. There was a small emerald-like lawn in front of the house. A few police cars were parked in front of the lawn. There were police officers and forensic investigators, who had reached earlier than us. They were so busy walking around and collecting evidences.

"You must be Agent Hotchner," a man approached Hotchner. His right hand stretched out. "I'm Detective Lowry. This morning I've sent a copy of the case and some information about the suggested serial killing."

"Nice to meet you, detective," Hotchner shook the detective's hand. "My team and I had read through the case."

"The body was found in the living room this morning. The victim's husband came home and found his wife dead. As what he said, he was out for work. The children were in their rooms, sleeping. Thus, they weren't aware of anything or heard of anything. The children had no idea what happened to their mother. The husband has sent them to his sister's house. The husband is still in trauma, though."

"Uhm, Emily," I approached Prentiss before we went into the 2-storey house.

"Yes, Jean?" Prentiss was ready for any question.

"Who are Jack and Haley?" It was quite an unusual question for me to ask. I never like gossip, but I just couldn't stop my curiosity and the eagerness to find out the answer. I knew it was an unsuitable time to ask such questions irrelevant to the case. "The names you and Hotchner mentioned earlier."

"Pardon me?" Prentiss raised her eyebrows, as she was surprised to hear that question, which was irrelevant to the murder. She continued to stare blankly at me. She was waiting for my reply concertedly.

"Uh, ne-nevermind," I knew it was rude to ask personal questions, especially Hotchner's, as he was my supervisor. Before I continued to follow Hotchner into the house, Prentiss spoke.

"I heard your question. I thought you were going to ask something related to murder. For a second, I thought I misheard your question," Prentiss explained. She continued to answer my question. "Jack is Hotch's son and Haley was Hotch's wife."

"Was?" It just came out naturally, before I came to a sense of regret for asking. I started yelling to myself in the back of my mind for not thinking twice before speaking.

"She was murdered," Prentiss answered uneasily. She gave a pause and stopped walking for a moment. She gave me a frowning glance, and then she continued to walk into the house.

The detective led us to the place where the body was placed at. She was lying on the floor, with a normal human's sleeping posture. Her hands were rested on her abdomen, which were holding a freshly-cut rose. The stabs on her abdomen were severe; however there was no sign of blood anywhere, not on the ceilings or floor. The victim's body was cleaned; her attire was also obviously changed into new clothing. The crime scene was clean and tidy. There was no blood odour. It was an unusual crime scene. _Our subject must be a clean freak_, I thought.

My heart fluttered as I approached the lifeless body. It was the first time for me to look at a dead body, a corpse. I stared closely at the body. I could smell the scent of the fragrance on her body, as well as the shampoo used on her hair. She was wearing make-ups. Her eyelashes were full of black mascara and her lips were coloured dark red to enhance the shape of her lips. Her cheek was powdered with pink rouge. It was hard to tell if she was dead from that powdered face.

"Are you OK?" Morgan asked while raising an eyebrow. "You look-"

"I'm fine," I smiled at him.

I scribbled on my little notebook to jot down whatever I had observed on the dead body.

Hotchner walked towards the shelves where the photographs of the family with wooden frames were located at. I followed him. There was one family photograph, comprising of a father, a mother and two children, both children were below 10. The mother's face on the photograph was stabbed and damaged. The other pictures with the victim's face were also shattered and burnt.

"All the victims were wives and mothers of two children," the detective explained. "They were all living normal lives, perhaps happy lives. Husbands are earning enough for the family, children are growing up."

"It seemed like our _unsub_ is holding grudge towards the victim," Hotchner suggested.

"Do you think it's a murder of revenge?" The detective asked.

"No, detective. I'm pretty sure it is not," Hotchner replied confidently, while still exploring the victim's house.

"Hey, Hotch," Morgan called Hotchner while taking out slowly a letter from an envelope left on the dining table, which was directed to the family of the victim.

"I am killing for the sake of the family. You should be thanking me. This filthy woman did not deserve your love." Hotchner read it aloud after Morgan handed him the letter.

"Seems like he's disgusted with the victim," Morgan commented while frowning.

"What do you have, Reid?" Hotchner asked Reid, who was examining the body.

"The wound on the abdomen was similar to the other victims'. It was stabbed multiple times, maybe more than 10 times." Reid reached the victim's abdomen and started to examine it. He continued to squint his dark-circle eyes. "I mean, the weapon used was the same. From the depth of the wound, the weapon would be around 5 inch, a blunt one. The _unsub_'s stabbings were quite consistent. As you can see, the wound is almost at one point. He is experienced in stabbing. I think our _unsub_ might have involved in other murders in the past years."

Slowly, he turned his attention to the victim's neck. Very intensely, he continued, "The _unsub_ might have used a regular belt to strangle the victim."

"So, our _unsub_ strangled the victim to death, and still stab them. It's pretty illogical," the detective said.

"Serial killers _are_ illogical," Morgan uttered.

"The _unsub_ emphasised on cleanliness," Prentiss stared around her surroundings. "But this is too clean, too tidy. Don't you think?"

"It's because this is not the official crime scene," Hotchner said, even he was a little surprised after listening to what he had spoken of. This statement had explained every unsolved question we had a few minutes ago. "The _unsub_ was trying to diverse our attention."

The detective spoke as he cupped his jaw. "In the previous crime scenes, the victims' bodies were washed and changed to other clothing – white dress. We did suggest the idea of the killer being hygiene freak. But it is impossible to not find any trace of murder in the house. Your hypothesis may be right."

"The other victims held a rose on their right hands, just like this victim," Reid frowned. "Maybe the _unsub_ has an obsession with roses."

"Or the _unsub_ is trying to proclaim his signature?" Morgan suggested.

"Before anything is concluded, we have to find the actual crime scene," Hotchner demanded.

After visiting the victim's house, we went to the police station to profile the _unsub_. We went into the conference room of the police station. There was a huge transparent board, where photographs of the victims were pasted on the board, along with some scribbling and a map.

The detective handed over each of us a case file. We read through it again and started analysing. Reid, without hesitation, grabbed on a few different coloured marker pens and started circling on the map. He did not refer to the case file, which gained doubts from the detective.

"What are you doing?" the detective asked, almost halting Reid from drawing.

"Highlighting the location of the victims' houses," Reid replied anxiously as he did not understand the detective's reaction.

"Don't you need to refer to the case file? There are at least 5 similar cases," the detective spoke scornfully, and then he smirked. "Don't tell me you remember all the locations."

"Unfortunately, yes, I do remember. I had read about the case when I was in the car," Reid explained as though it was a natural thing to happen, while continuing circling the locations one by one. "All the victims lived in the same neighbourhood, not very far from each other…"

"What? Are you telling me you have a photographic memory or something?" the detective ignored Reid's statement.

"Detective," Prentiss tried to interrupt.

"Yes. I was born with an eidetic memory, which means I remember everything I saw,"  
Reid nodded continuously and stared at the detective for a moment, which sent him speechless. "Anyway, as you can see, the victims' houses are only few blocks away from each other, that means the _unsub_ is living among them, too. He understands the lives of the victims. Somehow he has access to the victims' houses, too."

The detective frowned. Prentiss tried to assure Reid's profession. "Dr. Reid is currently holding 2 PhDs-"

"Three PhDs," Reid and I corrected together. Suddenly everyone in the room stared at us. I bit my lips automatically while Reid continued to state, "Chemistry, Engineering and Mathematics, I have B.A.s in Psychology and Sociology as well. And also I have an IQ of 187."

The detective continued to gawp at Reid, puzzled. No one knew if he was amazed or flabbergasted. His stare was totally blank.

Reid continued, "Yes, I'm a genius."

"You can rely on him, detective. He _is_ a genius and he is good in maps," Hotchner assured.

The detective nodded, finally showing his trust for Reid.

"As I was saying, the _unsub_ knows very well the victims and their families. The husbands might know very well the _unsub _as a close friend," Reid pressed his lips together.

"Talk to the husbands, see if we can get any useful information from them." Hotchner spoke firmly while grabbing his case file and walked out of the room. "Reid and Carlisle, you'll go to the Gray's; Emily and Morgan, you'll go to Gordon's."

We nodded and followed Hotchner's instructions. Reid and I went to the Gray's house, which happened to be the third victim's house (I was the driver as Prentiss suggested me not to let Reid drives). Reid rang the house's bell, but no one answered. Then he tried sending a few knocks onto the door. The sounds of rushing footsteps were heard. A muffled voice, almost saying "Coming!" was also heard. Then, the door was opened, and a man with a few strands of gray hair, with unshaved beard and moustache on his face, still in his mid 30s, was standing behind the door.

"Yes?" he spoke lazily.

"Mr Gray, we are the FBIs," Reid introduce, while showing his credential. "I am Special Agent Spencer Reid and this is Special Agent Jean Carlisle."

_Special Agent Jean Carlisle?_ I thought it sounded rather comical.

"How can I help you, agents?" the man continued standing behind the door, with no intention of inviting us into his house.

"Can we go into the house and have a talk?" Reid asked politely.

"I thought I had given all the information I have to the cops? I told them whatever I know." the man raised his volume.

"If you don't mind, I would like you to tell us again," Reid tried to persuade the man, who started to let out a heavy sigh. He looked depressed. It seemed like he did not shave for days and a strong alcohol smell came from his body. It seemed like this man had been drinking.

"Come in," the man invited unwillingly, while slamming the door after we had stepped our feet into his house.

Reid and I went into the house slowly while observing the environment of the house. It was gloomy and untidy. No one had been doing the cleaning for quite some time. Books and toys were scattered all around the floor. Dishes were left overnights. There was cigarettes' smoke and I saw the ashes of cigarettes surrounding one of the couches.

"Had your wife disappeared or was gone before the day she was found dead?" Reid asked.

"No, she was at home. We even had dinner together." Mr. Gray replied, his eyes were teary, "Before I went to work for my night shift."

"Had she been acting strange? Or maybe she suddenly had a change in personality?" Reid tried to find helpful resources that could be benefit for the case.

"No, not as I remember. She did not meet anyone new. Whoever she knew, I knew. Her friends were my friends. We have no secrets between us," Mr Gray started to get a little emotional.

"We found that the _unsub_ might be someone close to the husbands, or the victims," Reid continued, which sent Mr. Gray in shock.

"Close to us?" Mr Gray repeated, surprised. "You mean the killer might be someone I know very well?"

"We believe he is staying in the same neighbourhood," I informed him.

"Uhm… The other husbands' of the victims and me, along with most of the men in the neighbourhood, we used to go to a bar called 'The Tails'. We would drink together and discuss about our family matters. But after the murders, we never meet each other anymore. At least I never go there anymore."

"Family matters?" I asked as the question popped into my mind.

"Yeah, you know, financial problems, wives, affairs," Mr Gray listed. "Most of the time, we would discuss about our wives, and some of them would rant about their wives having affairs with other men."

Suddenly, Mr Gray's expression changed, as though he realised something. Mr Gray was trying to recall a name. "Ron, Ronald Holmes. His wife was one of the victims. He told us his wife was cheating on him, and he very upset with it. He had been ranting over it. So was Steve Kirk."

"I think that the _unsub_ might be targeting women that cheat on their husband," I whispered to Reid's ear.

"I have the same feeling," Reid replied. "But we can't conclude that yet since we have not heard from the others'."

Mr Gray stared at us blankly.

"Thank you, Mr Gray. Your information is surely helpful to us," Reid thanked sincerely and literally hopped out of the house.

"Mr Gray," I called the man.

"Yes, Agent Carlisle?" he answered with a weak and frail voice.

"Please be strong. I know you had lost your wife a few weeks ago. I understand how you feel and why you're feeling so poignant and heartbreaking, but now your kids need you. You are the only one left for them to depend on." I advised. I saw his children sitting on the table, staring at Reid and me as we were questioning their father. They did not seem happy at all ever since their mother passed away. I sensed he was feeling regretful for being miserable. Before I left the dismal atmosphere, I repeated my advice. "Be strong, and stop the drinking and smoking. It's bad for your health."

He gave me a weak smile. "Thank you, agent."

After we went back to the police station, the team started to discuss on the profile of the _unsub_. They gathered their information collected from the victims' family (particularly their husbands) while trying to relate on the photographs of the victims taken.

"The autopsy has showed no results on sexual acts," the detective stared at few pieces of documents. "And the strangling is the cause of the death of the victim."

Hotchner analysed. "He is not sexually attracted by these women."

"So first, second and third victims (Emma Gordon, Joyce Black, Marrie Jane) were cheating on their husbands," Morgan stated as he started circling the victims' names on the board. "What about the other two (Ursula Jonas and Lory Hart)?"

"According to the husbands, these victims' relationships with their husbands were quite distant, without any reasons," Prentiss shrugged her shoulder.

"The victims' husbands went to a bar named 'The Tails' very frequently before their wives were murdered. I think that our _unsub_ could have gotten information of the victims there," Reid analysed while staring intensely at the photographs.

"I'm not sure if my theory is right, but I think that our _unsub_ murdered women who cheated on their husbands," Rossi suggested while massaging his chin.

"I do agree with you," Hotchner said while frowning.

"But why would the _unsub_ kill the cheating women?" Reid made a grimace. "Bad memory?"

"Probably the _unsub_ had an experience of cheating wife, or girlfriend," Morgan explained. "Or probably he had a bad childhood where his mother or relative that had an affair. That might gain the loathing."

"So, do you mean that the _unsub_ hates women?" I swallowed the lump in my throat as I spoke.

"No, not necessarily," Prentiss shook her head lightly while cupping her jaw. "He hates only cheating women."

"I guess we have our profile now," Hotchner spoke while the others nodded. I stared blankly at them when they moved to another location. Were they really ready by using just a moment of brainstorming?

"Are you sure we have the right profile? Because I don't-"

"Don't worry, honey," Prentiss quickly cut in before I have any chance to continue. Then she sent me a confident smile and a nod. "We have it."

Hotchner approached to the detective and started a short conversation, and then the detective gathered all the police officers, as though they wanted a general meeting.

"Is everyone here?" Hotchner wanted to confirm the presence of all police officers. The police officers, some who sat on their chairs, some who sat on their tables, some who were standing, gave non-uniform speeds of nods.

The board from the conference room was pushed out by two other police officers. The rollers at the bottom of the board assisted the police officers by rolling out of the room. Then Hotchner began his lecture.

"As you can see here," Hotchner pointed to the photographs of the victims. "This murder is due to rage, anger, of personal."

"The man you are looking for, probably had a bad marriage caused by a cheating wife, or bad childhood of a relative having an affair, most probably a mother cheating over the father. Hence, he somehow wanted to punish these women who believed to have affairs with other men." Rossi continued.

"The _unsub_ is a white male, age between 25 to 40. The strength that enables him to carry the victims indicates that the _unsub_ has a larger body than normal men," Morgan added confidently.

"He is also showing up himself in the bar called 'The Tails' where he gets information from the husbands who moan their aching hearts about their unfaithful wives. This man is very well known and is good friend of the neighbourhood," Hotchner said.

"Since the homicide has just occurred recently, we believed that he is a new resident of this neighbourhood, or something happened to trigger him to start killing," Rossi suggested.

"Hotch," JJ burst in abruptly. "The _unsub_ strikes another murder!"

After hearing what JJ mentioned, everyone rushed to the crime scene. It was again, in the victim's house. Everything was clean and clear. The victim was wearing a white dress, with a rose held by her right hand. There was make-up on her face. She was wearing the same perfume as the previous victim, I thought as I sensed the odour that came from the victim, but I was not sure.

Reid kept sniffing as he approached the dead body, like a puppy.

"Did you smell that?" He continued to sniff.

"Smell what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This victim has the same smell of fragrance as the previous victim. The perfume," Reid stopped sniffing and sat down comfortable. His eyes were shut, as though he was trying to recall something important. He bit his thumb, and then he exclaimed, "Jasper!"

"What?" the only word that burst out from my mouth.

"It is a brand of a fragrance. A female promoter approached me once in a shopping mall to promote this new local fragrance, called the Jasper. She said this was the latest edition back then. It comprised mainly of rose's smell."

"So, the profile of the _unsub_ being obsessive over roses is right?" I asked bluntly, even though I was not sure if it was the right question to ask.

"He probably likes the smell of the rose, or he had a past experience with this it," he frowned.

"She is dressed in white dress again," Prentiss raised her eyebrows.

"Baby girl," Morgan spoke while holding to his phone. He was using loud speaker. "Can you do a little research on the neighbourhood here?"

"No problem, tiger," Garcia spoke.

"Send me the list of men buying the fragrance 'Jasper', with rose scent. He would most probably just move in."

"Got it," I heard Garcia's voice spoke. "But not good, the list is still ultimately long. It seems like the men in this neighbourhood love that fragrance. There are 5 people migrated here last year."

"The _unsub_ might have experienced in divorce or his parents divorced when he was very young. He had been charged for murder."

"I found one!" Garcia exclaimed excitedly. She continued very swiftly. "Ian McRoy. He just moved in last year. Before that, he lived in Sans Francisco and then moved to Massachusetts. What's creepy here is that there were similar murders committed before he came to Tennessee, but after the murder he immediately moved to another state. The most interesting part was that his father, John McRoy was sentenced to jail for murdering his wife and his youngest son in Tennessee. He committed suicide after two months living in jail. Ian was then sent to an orphanage while he was only 8."

"Baby girl, you're a genius!" Morgan almost kissed the phone.

"I know," Garcia replied flirtingly. "And I have a photo of the crime scene, too. I'll send it to you along with his address."

Morgan clicked a few buttons on his cell phone.

"Hotch, I've got good news," Morgan approached Hotchner, who was still examining the house for any suspicious clue. "Garcia has found the _unsub_. There were similar cases in the other states he stayed before he moved to Tennessee. His father murdered his mother and his little brother. After that, he was left alone in an orphanage at the age of 8."

"He blamed his mother for breaking his family apart," Hotchner spoke automatically while listening to Morgan.

"Look at this photo. It was the crime scene where his father murdered his mother. The mother was obviously strangled and stabbed many times," Morgan spoke enthusiastically.

"The unsub killed the victims' so that they won't end up living like him," Hotchner concluded. "We have our unsub. Let's go!"

He then left the house. Everyone followed him.

Hotchner's SUV led the whole team to a small house located not far from the neighbourhood, but the house was isolated. It was silent and soundless. The only thing that could be heard was the sound of the wind. Everyone wore their FBI vests very swiftly. Hotchner jumped off the vehicle, with a gun held by his two hands. He sent signals to Morgan. Morgan immediately kicked off the door. The other police officers followed behind the two men, very closely. I had no idea what happened next. Since I was the only one unarmed, Prentiss told me to stay in the SUV for safety measures.

After a few minutes later, Morgan took a white male out off the house. He had dirty blonde short hair. He was taller than Morgan. His arms were locked with a pair of cuffs. Morgan was holding by his shoulder. He was mumbling to himself but Morgan shouted "Shut up!" very loudly to the suspect.

As he walked closer, I heard his mumble.

"They deserved to be punished! Those filthy and unfaithful women! They deserved to die!" He was whinging as though he wanted to convince people that the murders he committed were not wrong.

Prentiss was walking with a timid lady, who seemed to be the _unsub_'s victim who was kept locked in his house. The lady was crying while Prentiss was comforting her. The paramedics came at the exact time. They brought the lady into the ambulance. The husband of the lady came and both of them hugged tightly.

I stepped out of the SUV and went into the house. There was a very strong blood stench coming out from a room. Reid and Prentiss were standing in front of the door. Prentiss looked disgusted.

"You better not come in," Prentiss warned, but it did not kill off my inquisitiveness.

I walked passed them and saw blood splash everywhere. It was a small storeroom. The blood was as though red paint, painted the walls of the room. A knife was left on the floor, an old and antique knife. Reid was sure that it was the same murder weapon used by Ian and his father. At the end, I realised I could not bear the smell of the stinking blood. I quickly rushed out off the house to get fresh air.

"You know, you will get disgusted by the smell because your brain interpreted itself with the things you've seen and smelled. However if you are able to control your brain, you will be able to cope with it and focus with the subject," Reid smiled. He did not, at all look disgusted or annoyed by the blood scene.

After that, we went back to the police station, where Detective Lowry thanked us for coming to help them solve the murder. He treated the team a dinner before we headed back to Quantico.

Everything seemed to end well, for my first case.


	5. Chapter 5: Disguise of the Disguised

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**- Chapter Five -**

**Disguise of the Disguised**

"Should I place this card here? Or here?" I dragged the cursor to another card in the computer. Yes, I was playing Freecell with the FBI computer.

"What are you doing?" I heard Reid's voice coming from behind of my chair. I almost jumped off my chair when I heard his voice.

"S-sorry!" I did not know what to say. My eyes were glancing through the whole office for an inspiration for an excuse. "Uh... I'm just... uh..."

"Playing game with FBI's computer?" Reid continued the sentence while raising an eyebrow. "Goofing off at work, aren't you?"

I gave a blunt smile. It's not exactly goofing off, I would say. _It's better to do something in my 'spare' time instead of just sitting there and staring at the ceiling._

"Do you know that women work both longer and harder than men, and men spend more time on goofing at work? A study found that men spend 52 minutes, or 11% of their working hours, not working."

"Interesting," I smiled uneasily. Immediately, I tried to search for papers to avoid him from continuing his rather boring statistic topics.

"Luckily you aren't using the net, or else what you're doing will be defined as cyber slacking or goldbricking. Do you know that surveys find that employees are wasting about an hour per day on the Internet? That means for every 8 employees you have, you are paying the equivalent of a full time salary for the time spent on cyber slacking. A company with 1,000 Internet users could lose upwards of $35 million in productivity annually from just an hour of daily Web surfing by employees."

I blinked a few times after he finished his statistic statement. He stared at me in return.

"So, how much time did you use to finish a game?" he quickly changed topic while placing his hand on the mouse. Was he always like that?

"I just started playing actually. I used up quite some time to solve one game, and sometimes I might not even solve it," I giggled as I was speaking. Without noticing, he started clicking on the mouse. After a minute later, he finished the game. Then he stared at me with a grin.

My jaw almost fell to the ground.

"How did you-" before I could finish my sentence, he had already walked back to his place, with his arms holding a stack of case files.

Everyone in the office was hectic, as always. It was odd that no one asked me to do anything, not even typing a single report, or listening to calls. People who have thought I was slacking during work.

"Hey, rookie!" A man in the office called. I looked around to search for the source of the voice. He was sitting near the entrance of the office. "Can you listen to the call for me? Just press '2' on your phone."

Finally, something to do! Oh wait, listening to calls isn't my forte at all!

I hesitated on picking up the phone at first, but the man threw me a glare when he saw that I had not accomplished what he requested of. So, I picked up the phone slowly and nervously while throwing my eyesight somewhere else. My hand was trembling and I could feel a drop of sweat dripped onto my shoulder.

"Good morning, this is Special Agent Jean Carlisle from the FBI Behavioral Unit. How can I help you?" I stammered as I spoke. I tried my best to present in a more pleasant tone. I was wondering if I started with the correct introduction and opening.

"This is Detective Henry Swift. I'm calling regarding to a murder case in Colorado. We think that the murder is related to a series of homicides 5 years ago," the man on the other side of the phone, spoke sternly.

"Excuse me?" I blurted out unintentionally. I was totally out of my mind. I did not know what and how to react. Swiftly I gained back my conscience. "Uh, I mean, uh..."

"We're recommended to the B.A.U. team to join forces with us to catch this killer," the man continued. "Do you think you can lend us a hand?"

"Uh," without a second thought, I answered. "Sure."

"Great! I'll give you all the information I have now to you, then," then he uttered all detailed information naturally. I spotted a paper under a dictionary on my table, I pulled it out with my right hand, which almost torn the paper apart. Even though the paper was not torn part, but now it was badly wrinkled. I randomly picked a pen on the pen holder and started scribbling on the paper.

"Please go on," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

After scribbling down the information and hanging up the phone, I quickly copied the information into another paper, tidying up and arranging the orders of the information, with very much cautious and concentration. As I finished, I quickly grabbed the paper and walked to Unit Chief's room. I was elated while thinking about doing such a great job for the first time. I breathed in the excitement and gave a few knocks onto the door. I could feel my feet dancing as I awaited the permission to go into the room.

"Come in," I heard the husky, lifeless voice spoke. Then, I turned the door knob and walked in enthusiastically, keen to present my "masterpiece".

"Hotch," I called, but he threw me a piercing look. My eyes quickly moved away from having any eye contact with him, and very quickly I added, "-ner… Uh… I just received a phone call. It was from a detective from Colorado. Here is the information. So, anyway, there was a murder which was suggested by him that it might be done by the same murderer 5 years ago. These few years were indicated as his hiatus. And now, he's back for..."

"Wait," Hotchner cut my line. He frowned so much that his eyebrows were at the same level as his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Uh," my eyes widened for a second. My mouth opened but nothing came to my mind. I was searching very hard for words, but the only thing that came out from my mouth was just a simple "Uh…"

_Isn't this what I should be doing?_ I could not find the mistake I had done. My fists were clenched edgily.

"What did you tell the detective?" Hotchner continued to question. Now, he placed down everything he had on his hands and clamped his hands together.

"I told him that we will help him to catch the-"

"What?" It almost sounded like a bellow, but he controlled his volume. "You-"

Then, he took a deep breath, as though to calm his temper. He didn't finish his line. He did not need to, because from the expression of his face, I knew I must have done a huge mistake. I bit my lower lips unwillingly. I stared at him intensely, waiting for his lines.

"Do you know that before concluding whether or not we help them, you need to consult us and discuss with us. You can't just make the decision yourself. No, those aren't the right words to say. You do not have the right or obligation to do so. You don't have the authority to make such decisions. You're neither a liaison nor a chief."

Hotchner's eyes were burning with aggravation. He started breathing evenly after throwing out all those words without a pause. The only thing I could think of doing was just staring at my feet and feeling remorseful of what I had done, like a child got punished by the disciplinary teacher. It was totally the contrary result of what I expected. I did not want to explain further or give any more excuses as I know, if I do, it will only add oil into Hotchner's burning frustration.

It came to a time where both of us did not speak a thing. The atmosphere was silent and stressed. My heartbeat was throbbing at an irregular time interval. It went faster and then slower, and then back to fast again.

"Get back to your work," Hotchner demanded harshly.

I stood there helplessly. My feet just could not move. The muscles seemed to be frozen. Oddly, Hotchner did not bother my presence anymore. He started searching over file cases and reading them, as though I was invisible. He did not even throw me a stare or a glance or even a flaring glare. I walked out of the room slowly and shut the door softly. I saw Hotchner rubbing his forehead with his fingers outside from the windowpane. It seemed like I have thrown him an immense trouble irresponsibly, that sent him a headache.

After shutting the door, I almost collided with Rossi literally, who was standing outside of the room, as though he had been listening to our conversation for quite some time. I remembered the times where he came to the FBI Academy and gave some lectures about profiling. He was a kind man and full of sense of humor. When he looked at me, his mouth was half opened, but no voice came out. He was staring at me as though millions of questions popped out in his mind. I knew he was curious of what happened but he did not want to ask me. He immediately shut his mouth and knocked onto the door of the Unit Chief's room.

As I walked down the stairs back to my seat, I saw the other team members staring at me. Their faces were stapled with questions of 'what happened'. Feeling rather embarrassed, I quickly walked back to my seat and sat down quietly. I randomly found work to do so that I looked busy, and people would not bother to ask me any questions.

"Hey," Prentiss approached me. She rested her arm on my table. "Something happened?"

I did not want to tell her, actually. I did not have the mood to rant about my problem. I continued to take a deep breath and replied, "Yes. Unfortunately I made a mistake and got scolded by Hotchner."

"Oh," she said naturally. "Don't put that into your heart. We all had that experience of being rebuked by Hotch. He is a strict man, I have no doubt about that. But, deep inside, as I have told you before, he has a soft side. He's doing this because he does not want us to trouble ourselves and the team."

Unwillingly, I smiled at her. I knew she sensed the unwillingness. She nodded and walked off. Reid and Morgan went to Prentiss. From my point of view, they must be asking about me.

"Hey, Carlisle," Rossi shouted in front of Hotchner's room. He tilted his head a few times. "Come up here."

I stared at him blankly, while blinking my eyes a few times. I was uncertain of what I had heard of.

"You hear me, come on up," Rossi repeated while showing me his hand sign of 'come here immediately'.

I quickly moved my feet and went to the stairs. Rossi went back into Hotchner's room. I saw the other team members staring up at us and mumbling to each other again. Even Garcia, who just came out from her computing room, also joined the others' curiosity.

I hesitated before stepping back into the room. Pondering if Hotchner was going to give me another lecture, or to tell me to clean up the mess I had caused, and for the worst, kicking me out of the team. _No, no, it can't be done like that!_

"Hotch said that you accepted a case in Colorado," Rossi said while sitting down onto the chair in front of Hotchner's desk.

"Yes, I did," I nodded lightly.

"A murder that is killed by a supposedly retired killer," Rossi continued.

"Yes, that's what the detective mentioned."

"I read your report," Rossi massaged his chin while holding onto the papers I sent in to Hotchner. "Interesting case…"

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat. Then, I tried to clear my throat by giving a cough.

"So, Hotch, since our cadet here has accepted the case, why don't we just follow the case?" Rossi suggested with a smile.

"I will if we don't have any cases on hand, but-"

"Do we have any new case, then?" Rossi asked spontaneously as he heard the first part of the sentence.

Hotchner gave Rossi a stare of blankness. Then he continued, "No, I haven't accepted any of these yet."

Hotchner pointed at the pile of file cases on his desk.

"Great, problem solved," Rossi stood back up again and walked towards me. He patted on my shoulder and whispered with a smirk, "No more recurrence of the same mistake. You know I can't help you all the time."

"I'll ask JJ to talk to the detective for a formal meeting," Hotchner voiced as he picked up the phone beside of him.

Hotchner, ignoring me once more, walked out of the room.

"Everyone, meet me again in the jet within 30 minutes." Then he walked off of the building.

"Jet?" I walked towards Prentis, who was standing nearest to the stairs. "We _have_ a jet?"

"Yeah," Prentiss nodded. "We have a private jet for the ease of travelling around for investigations in different states."

"Let's go back and pack our stuff before travelling to Colorado," Morgan said while packing his bag.

"Oh, right!" Prentiss quickly walked back to her seat and packed up her things. She took a glance at her watch. "We don't have much time."

"You want to go together?" Reid asked while carrying his sling leather bag. I stared at him, and then he continued before I could reply him. "Uh, since we're living in the same apartment."

"OK," I nodded while grabbing my bag and walked with Reid.

During the evening, the BAU team went to the highest floor of the FBI headquarters, which was an open space. A white jet was rested on the centre of a platform. The other members gathered in front of the jet. Reid and I quickly walked towards them with our small luggage bags on our hands. Without any instruction, we went into the jet together.

It was a medium jet. The seats designed were exactly like the 1st class seats in normal airplanes, spacious and large seats. There were a few seats in the front part of the jet and in the middle, there were a table surrounded by four seats. At the back, there was a couch and a few more seats.

Prentiss mimed at me to sit beside of her, while Hotchner and Reid sat together at the opposite of our seats. Morgan turned on an FBI laptop and started clicking on the mouse at the back. JJ was giving out a pile of case files to everyone present in the jet.

"These are the photos of the crime scene and the victim," JJ explained while still standing beside of the seats. "There are also some photos of the victims of the murder 5 years ago."

"Further explain to us, JJ," Hotchner frowned while flipping over the pages in the case file.

"Right," JJ nodded. "The _unsub_ kidnapped the victims and held captive of them over a period of 3 days. Eventually, the _unsub_ would kill the victims by strangling them and cut of their legs. The legs were not found. The _unsub_ would simply throw the bodies on the road side. It was found that the _unsub_ raped his victims before he killed them, too. After his 5th victim, he stopped his job of killing and remained silent for 5 years. However, the recent murder, the _unsub_ killed a woman by stabbing her. Similarly, he cut her legs off and the legs were not found, like the past murders."

"The _unsub_ kept the victims' legs as trophies, to show his dominance and power over the victims," Morgan commented while busy setting up his laptop.

"So, the _unsub_ changed his M.O. (Modus Operandi) and revived his killing job after a 5-year-hiatus," Rossi summarised. "Why?"

"Maybe the _unsub_ undergone changes physically and mentally, that causes him to change his perspectives on killing," Reid suggested and frowned.

"Garcia, can you find the information and the link between the victims?" Morgan spoke to Garcia through the laptop.

"No problem-o, my lovely pie," Garcia replied.

"Take a nap, before we reach Colorado. We won't be able to sleep after we reach our destination," Prentiss shut her eyes.

I tried resting my eyes and mind by shutting the eyes and sat at a comfortable position, but I just could not sleep. My mind was filled with anticipation. My heart was beating erratically after I took steps into the jet. It was so exciting to ride a private jet. I almost forgot about getting chided by Hotchner just a few hours ago. As I slowly opened my eyes again, which took time for my eyes to adapt the condition from darkness to radiance, I saw Hotchner and Reid busy reading the case files, while Rossi was staring at the window and Morgan sleeping on the couch.

"You're awake," Reid uttered as he glanced at me.

"I wasn't asleep at all," I replied.

It was awkward for both of us to converse as Rossi and Hotchner were not sleeping and the whole jet was so cold and quiet. Both of us stared at each other, but nothing came out from our mouths. It was like two children wanting to share secrets but their parents were keeping an eye on them. I could not ask anything about the members or gossip about them.

After an hour later, we finally reached Colorado. The detective was waiting outside of the jet.

"Agent Hotchner, I'm Detective Henry Swift," the detective introduced. As he placed his eyes on JJ, then he continued, "You must be Agent Jareau."

"You can call me JJ," JJ shook the detective's hand.

"Where is Agent Jean Carlisle?" he asked while staring at each of the members.

Everyone stared at me together. At that instant, the detective knew who he was finding. "You must Agent Carlisle."

I nodded with a shy smile.

"Thank you for accepting the case. I thank you on behalf of the whole police department and the residents here," the detective said. "This killer is horrible."

"Uh, you're welcome," my eyes widened as he showed his gratitude.

"Yes, anyway, come, please follow me," the detective led us to the police cars politely.

The police cars brought us to a road side, where a body was lied onto. Residents were surrounding the dead body. Forensics and policemen were busy doing their jobs and controlling the situation. The woman lying on the floor, had her legs cut off with a very sharp weapon, which caused her a smoothly-cut wound. Reid walked towards the corpse and started examining. Morgan looked around for information.

"Were there any witnesses? Or was there anyone who saw any suspicious character hanging around here?" Morgan asked.

The detective took a deep breath, and then continued, "The only suspicious thing that was seen by the residents here was an unknown black SUV driven across the road. They said the SUV had been passing the same path over and over again, but after the body was thrown, the SUV was not to be seen anymore."

"Do they remember the number plate?" Hotchner asked.

"No, none of them remember. None of them actually paid much attention to it. They thought the SUV got lost in search of a relative or friend's house," the detective took out a cigarette.

"What do you have, Reid?" Hotchner asked Reid, who was frowning, as though a question had arouse in his head.

"It is totally the same like the murders committed 5 years ago," Reid pointed at the wound. "Even the location of the wound was the same. But, the wound seemed to be much smoother, which means the _unsub_ was using a new weapon on cutting the legs."

"Like the past, after killing a victim, the _unsub_ will try to kidnap another victim again. Try to search every household if there are any missing women," Hotchner told the detective, and then he faced JJ. "We need to warn the public about the murder and tell the women to not go out alone, especially during night time."

JJ nodded and walked off.

After that, we were led to the police department of Colorado. The police officers started to call every household to question about missing women. The B.A.U. team was left in the conference to profile the _unsub_.

"Angela Moses, Kaley Janson, Elle Philippes, Veronica Granger and Cathy Manson were the first 5 victims murdered by the _unsub_," Prentiss spoke while introducing the victims on the board. "We might not see the similarities between these women, but look at these photos."

Prentiss took out a few photos from a case file and showed it to the team members in the room.

"They had very slim legs," Reid said. "So, this is how our _unsub_ chose his victims."

Then Reid stared at the photo of the recent victim, Joey Walter. "But Walter here, did not seem to match the _unsub_'s choice. All the victims had slim bodies but Walter…"

"She had a larger built body," Morgan continued. "So, the _unsub_ changes his choice of victim."

"No, no, no," Rossi shook his head confidently. "After a 5-year-hiatus, the _unsub_ would most probably wants to find a perfect victim for a new beginning, like an opening ceremony. He would want to have a memorable one. He wouldn't be choosing any random woman for his comeback."

"The autopsy result has arrived," the detective interrupted.

Hotchner took a look at the autopsy result and frowned.

"What is it, Hotch?" Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"There is no sexual act on the victim."

"Hotch," JJ walked into the conference room and joined us. "There are at least 20 women missing in this town."

"We can't narrow down the list because we don't know the choice of women the _unsub_ is choosing for now," Rossi told, with a tone of impatience.

Another police officer interpolated. "There is another murder."

Suspicion began to rise in our hearts. Why would the _unsub_ strike another murder in less than his normal 3-day-period of holding captive of the victim? Besides, he did not rape his victim.

"Reid and Carlisle, you'll stay here with Rossi to continue profiling the _unsub_," Hotchner commanded. "Morgan and Prentiss, we'll go to the crime scene."

All of us nodded. Reid, Rossi and I watched the others leaving the building.

"The _unsub_ cut the victims' legs and keeps them as his trophies, as evidences he power over the victims. To show his ego and his narcissism," Rossi was making a hypothesis.

"Like the 'Shoe Fetish Slayer', he might use the legs he cut as models to model shoes he owned," Reid added.

"Garcia," Rossi called Garcia by the phone. "Did you find anything?"

Rossi listened very carefully and alertly, even though his eyes were shut. It seemed like he wanted to pay full attention to what Garcia was talking about. It was a long pause before Rossi spoke again.

"Garcia has found out that the similarity of the 5 victims," Rossi spoke sternly. "They used to work in a modelling firm, shoe modelling. Oddly, the recent victim was just an employee of a grocery store."

"The _unsub_ must have worked in the modelling firm," I presumed.

"Yes, the _unsub_ that killed the first 5 victims worked in the modelling firm," Rossi nodded, however I could sense a 'but' in the next sentence. "But, not this _unsub_ we're dealing with."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"This is a copy-cat killer," Reid explained.

"Hotch," Rossi took out his phone again. "This is a copy-cat killer."

After the B.A.U. reunited, they started to form a profile of the _unsub_. The police officers were gathered.

"The _unsub_ we're dealing with is just a copy-cat killer who thinks that he can get away with the murders he committed by throwing the blame to the killer who killed the first 5 women in Colorado," Hotchner explained while staring at each of the faces present in the room.

"We believe that this _unsub_ has actually learned and studied about the killer, that is why he could imitate with almost perfection, except the choice of victims," Rossi stated while pointing at the photos of all the victims. "You can see the differences between the 5 victims and the recent victim from these photos."

"The _unsub_ might have a close relationship with the killer, or is obsessed with the killer, which becomes the stressor that drives him to kill," Morgan continued.

"The _unsub_ we're looking for is around 25, white male. He might appear as young and childish, but in the inside, he is a well-planned murderer," Hotchner ended the whole profile statement.

Prentiss was right about the sleeping. The B.A.U. members had slept less than 5 hours that day in deducing the more exact profile of the _unsub_. It was 5 a.m. The B.A.U. members just woke up from their sleep in the police department. Morgan was still sleeping with his head resting on his arms on the desk; Reid was sleeping with his jacket surrounding his body; JJ was sleeping on the chair beside of me, but movement was seen; Prentiss woke up earlier than I did; Hotchner was reading a case file in the detective's room, which seemed like he did not have a long sleep; Rossi was discussing with Hotchner.

I heard my stomach growling. We did not have much for dinner.

"Hungry?" Prentiss asked while handing me a cup of instant noodle, which had hot water in it and the noodle was cooked.

"Thanks," I grabbed hold on the instant noodle and began eating.

"So, how does it feel to be part of the B.A.U.?" she suddenly asked.

"Nice. It is… nice," I uttered bluntly. Actually I had no idea what to reply.

"I know how it feels to be the last to join the team," Prentiss sensed the not-so-genuine answer. "You might feel foreign and isolated by the team members, and find it hard to adapt our personalities, especially Hotchner's. But, don't worry, ever since you join the team, you're part of the family. You're like the new-born infant."

I smiled as soon as I heard that she described me as a 'new-born infant'.

"That's the thing I'm looking for. Your smile," she patted my head. "Never see you smiling like that before. Don't be like Hotch, who never smiles."

"OK," I replied cheekily.

At the morning of the morrow, Hotchner assigned us new duties.

"Reid and Morgan, you'll talk Joey Walter's family; Prentiss and Carlisle, you'll talk to Joey Walter's employer."

Prentiss and I were sent to a grocery shop by the local police officers. We went into the shop to find the owner of the shop, Ray Earlson. We saw a man who aged over 50 and a younger man sitting on a wheelchair.

"Mr Earlson?" Prentiss asked as she approached the older man. Then she took out her credentials and showed it to the man. "I am Special Agent Prentiss, and this is Special Agent Carlisle. We're from the FBI."

"How can I help you, agents?" the man looked readily to supply us any information.

"You should have known that your employee, Miss Walter is dead," Prentiss stated. "Do you know if she had any enemies or had she acted weirdly before dead? Anything that is suspicious happening lately?"

"No, not that I remember," Earlson shook his head lightly while rubbing his balding head.

"What about Carole Black?" Prentiss asked. "Do you know anything about her?"

"No, we don't know her as well. She was just a regular customer, we seldom talked to each other."

"Ask the man on the wheelchair," Prentiss whispered to me. I nodded and walked towards the man sitting on the wheelchair.

"Hi, I am Special Agent Carlisle. What is your name?" I bent down slightly so that I could achieve the same height as his.

"M-M-M-My name is I-Ian Earl-lson," the young man stammered. I sensed something abnormal with this man.

"Ian Earlson," I repeated.

"I'm sorry, agent. My son suffers Down's Syndrome," Earlson spoke as he walked towards his son, wanting to stop us from questioning him. "He can't speak fluently or answer your questions wisely."

"It's OK, I'll ask him simple questions," I insisted on questioning Ian Earlson, but Prentiss stopped me.

"I'll do it," Prentiss sent me a stare to indicate me not to interfere. "Ian Earlson, right? I am Agent Prentiss."

"A-A-gent P-P-P-Prent-tiss," he continued to stammer.

"Are you very close to Joey Walter?"

"Joey i-is a v-very nice l-l-lad-dy," he replied with a nod, and his tone got higher.

"Do you know any friends of Joey?"

Ian Earlson shook his head. "No."

"Thank you, Ian. You've done a great job," Prentiss complimented with a smile.

Prentiss stood back upright and turned her face to the father of the young man.

"Thank you, Mr Earlson, for spending your time with us," Prentiss said while walking away.

"We didn't get much information from here," I whispered to Prentiss after we got out of the grocery store.

"True, and I find that Ray Earlson suspicious, from the way he speaks and acts," Prentiss frowned as she was walking.

I turned my head back to the grocery store. The man named Ray Earlson stared at both of us as we walked into the police car. I was not sure if I saw correctly because we were quite far away from him, but his eyes seemed to be fixed at our legs, and they were hungry-looking. Then, a smirk pierced on his lips, or at least it seemed that way from my position.

Reid and Morgan had reached back to the police department earlier than Prentiss and I. The team had gathered in the conference room, waiting for the arrival of the two of us. Both of us hurried our steps into the conference room.

"So, what did both of you get?" Hotchner asked while holding onto a case file.

"Nothing," Prentiss replied patently. "But I think there's something fishy going around that man, Ray Earlson."

"What about his son?" Reid asked.

"Ian Earlson? He suffers Down's Syndrome," I replied, but Reid and Morgan gave me sceptical looks. Sensing something was wrong, I continued to ask, "Why did you ask about him?"

"Joey's family said she was very close to Ian Earlson before she was killed," Morgan replied.

"The Earlsons must be hiding something," Prentiss proposed boldly.

At that instant, Morgan's phone rang. Morgan quickly picked up his phone. Meanwhile, I realised there were several phones hanging on Morgan's belt.

"Yes, Garcia?"

"Guess what I found about the Earlsons? Ray Earlson used to work as a shoe company's manager. But, his record is as clean as a white paper, so I change my target to his son, Ian Earlson, he doesn't receive much education, he stopped attending school at the age of 12 and he doesn't work at all. Ray Earlson's wife died 5 years ago from a car accident. After that, the Earlsons moved out from Colorado and recently they moved back into Colorado. It was said that they went to D.C. Washington for a leg surgery."

"Ian Earlson," Prentiss interrupted with a several light nods.

"Yes, indeed it was. The oddest thing I found out is about the grocery shop owned by Ray Earlson. That shop was actually bought by Joey Walter's father, Tom Walter. But, she sold it to Ray Earlson to pay off her debts. Yes, she was an avid gambler. Poor girl, you can't imagine how many debts she owed." Garcia took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, the second victim from the recent murders, Carole Black, was a fine woman. She worked as a teacher, everyone loves her. So, I have no idea why the _unsub_ killed her."

"So, the copy-cat killer picked his victims randomly?" I spoke but it sounded more like a question.

"He enjoyed killing but to avoid being caught, he imitated the homicide, trying to make us think that the _unsub_ might be the killer who committed the homicides 5 years ago," Rossi deduced.

"Wait, but Garcia did mention that Ray Earlson used to work as a shoe company's manager. He would fit the _unsub_ most," Morgan suggested.

The detective interrupted us with an agitated look. "There's another murder."

"Detective, I think we know who the _unsub_ is. Ray Earlson," Rossi spoke and the B.A.U. team was ready for action.

The detective stood there like a stone. His face was pale. "Ray Earlson?"

From the look of the detective, we all knew something went wrong, very wrong.

"What is it?" Hotchner asked seriously.

"He's dead," the detective replied swiftly.

The body of Ray Earlson was lying on a couch. His body was in a sitting position. His arms were holding onto a knife, which was stabbed into his abdomen.

"Hotch, there's a letter. It was written by Ray Earlson," Morgan said while handing over a piece of letter to Hotchner. The B.A.U. members peeked at the letter together, all standing and pointing their toes behind of Hotchner.

_"I knew the FBI would figure me out as the killer who murdered 5 women 5 years ago and also I am guilty with the 2 recent murders. Yes, I am the one. Fortunately, I have the time to commit suicide before you catch me. I rather die than getting caught and living behind those filthy bars with filthy people. I know you all are curious about the murder, and where I kept those perfect legs. But no, I shall not speak the secret. It will remain as a secret that will die with me._

_By,_

_The killer you have been looking for,_

_Ray Earlson."_

"Usually when a person commits suicide, he or she will give out his or her precious things to someone beloved, or do anything for the friends and family." Morgan spoke.

"Where's the son?" Rossi asked while looking around. "Maybe we can get something out from him."

"Ian!" I called as I saw a wheelchair-figure moving. Ian moved towards me.

"M-Miss Carl-l-lisle," he called. He looked in despair.

"Agent Rossi would like to ask a few questions," I patted his shoulder. "Just try to answer him."

Ian Earlson nodded.

"Did your father give you anything or speak to you before he killed himself?" Rossi asked naturally.

"No," he replied. "H-he just told m-me not t-to bec-come a man h-him."

Rossi then turned to the other B.A.U. members and started another discussion.

"He just admits he's the killer like this?" Reid asked. "It's rather illogical. I mean, when _unsub_s kill themselves, it was because they regretted and wanting to repent for their murders. They could not face the public's pressure of pointing fingers at them and calling them 'disgusting, filthy murderers'. I mean, it makes sense for some _unsub_s to wanting to keep everything as a secret, but no, not this _unsub_. This _unsub_ is a narcissist, he would want the whole world to know about his crimes and be infamous. Like Bundy, he never kills himself, instead, he allows the whole world to know his existence and admits his crimes before execution."

"Something is yet to be unveiled," Rossi rubbed his jaw.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I patted Ian Earlson's shoulder again. I took out a packet of sweets from my bag. "You know, when I feel gloomy or depressed, I tend to eat sweets. They help me in getting rid of those sadness and sorrow. I hope these help you too."

He planted a smile on his face. "Y-you're a n-nice lady, M-Miss C-Carlisle."

"Finally done with the case," I stretched my hands after packing up my things.

"I still don't think the recent murders were done by this man," Morgan stated as he sat on the chair beside of me.

"I agree with Morgan," Reid uttered while cupping his jaw. "It seemed like this case ends too suddenly, as though it was planned to end like this."

"Don't think too much, dear agents. The case is finally comes to an end. We have finally found the killer. Don't complicate the whole situation," the detective said before he leaves the building.

Hotchner was walking towards me. He looked a little upset as he approached me. I knew I must have done something that caused him to look like that, but I just did not know what I did.

"I saw you giving the pack of candies to Ian Earlson," Hotchner spoke softly, as though he did not want the others to hear him. "As a profiler, as an FBI agent, we don't get intimate or personal with the victims or anyone related to the case. I hope you understand that. You might not know it but this may affect the case or cause trouble to yoursel. Do you get me?"

I nodded mechanically. The others did not seem to notice Hotchner giving me an advice.

After a discussion with the team, I sat down on a couch and laid my whole body on it. It was so tiring, especially when you did not sleep much on the day before. My body was sour and I could not feel anything anymore. It was numb and I could not move a single muscle. My eyes shut automatically.

Before I can remember about the dream I was having, mumbling voices were surrounding my ears and unwillingly, the voices awakened me. I opened my eyes slowly as I stretched my body and sat upright.

"He must be the one!" a woman's voice spoke. I assumed it belonged to Prentiss'.

"Why haven't we thought of that?" Reid spoke.

"What is it?" I asked as I approached the team.

"We found the _killer_," Reid replied keenly.

"What killer?" I raised an eyebrow.

"The killer of the 2 recent murders," Morgan replied.

"Let's go," Hotchner called as he continued to walk off. Before I could ask a single question, the team had hurried me to follow them. I was left in the midst of confusion and lost.

Then, the police cars brought us to our destination. The place was familiar. Yes, how could I not figure out? It was the neighbourhood where the Earlson's house was located. It looked a little different from the last time I saw it. It took time for me to realise they were the same location since the last time I visited here was night, everything was dark.

"Stay in the car," Hotchner said as he walked out from the car. Everyone in the car followed him, except me. "Whatever happens, do not step out of the car. Are you clear with that?"

I nodded vigorously. I watched the police officers and the B.A.U. team moved away from the police car. Within a minute, they all disappeared from my sight. I looked around suspiciously and warily, thinking I might lend them a hand on catching whoever the killer was, as long as someone looked suspicious. _How come the team never tells me who the unsub was?_

I chose not to fathom out any reasons bluntly because I did not want to doubt about the team or lose faith in them. Before I could continue my musing, I saw Ian Earlson coming closer to the police car I was sitting in. He did not seem to realise my presence, though.

I rolled down the window and called him. "Hey."

He quickly turned his head to me. His eyes shuddered a moment. "M-Miss C-Carlisle."

"Are you alright? You look pale," I told him. "You know, you shouldn't be alone out here now. My team mates found the real killer and he's nearby."

He sent me a suspicious stare. "W-What d-do you mean?"

"I'm not sure about the exact story, but I think your father was killed," I unlocked the door and walked out of the car. "Come, I'll bring you back to your house."

"N-No, I don't w-want to go h-home," he opposed the suggestion very firmly. "C-Can I h-have a w-walk in the gard-d-den?"

"Sure," then I started pushing him. "Where's the garden?"

"Just r-right up-"

Before he could finish his sentence, someone interjected his line.

"Stop right there, Ian Earlson!"

I turned my head and saw Hotchner, pointing his gun towards my direction.

"Hotchner!" I exclaimed. "Why are you here? I thought you're…"

"Ian," Hotchner ignored my question and continued his lines. "Ian, I know what you did. I know what happened to you!"

"N-No, you d-don't!" Ian Earlson bellowed.

"Ian?" I called as I realised the tone in Ian Earlson was different from the usual tone he had. It sounded much more aggressive.

"We know about you faked your handicap. You can walk, can't you?"

Suddenly I could feel a hand grabbing my neck. The next moment, Ian Earlson had a knife with him, pointing to my neck.

"W-What do y-you want?" he shouted.

**- Chapter Five -**

**Disguise of the Disguised**

"Should I place this card here? Or here?" I dragged the cursor to another card in the computer. Yes, I was playing Freecell with the FBI computer.

"What are you doing?" I heard Reid's voice coming from behind of my chair. I almost jumped off my chair when I heard his voice.

"S-sorry!" I did not know what to say. My eyes were glancing through the whole office for an inspiration for an excuse. "Uh... I'm just... uh..."

"Playing game with FBI's computer?" Reid continued the sentence while raising an eyebrow. "Goofing off at work, aren't you?"

I gave a blunt smile. It's not exactly goofing off, I would say. _It's better to do something in my 'spare' time instead of just sitting there and staring at the ceiling._

"Do you know that women work both longer and harder than men, and men spend more time on goofing at work? A study found that men spend 52 minutes, or 11% of their working hours, not working."

"Interesting," I smiled uneasily. Immediately, I tried to search for papers to avoid him from continuing his rather boring statistic topics.

"Luckily you aren't using the net, or else what you're doing will be defined as cyber slacking or goldbricking. Do you know that surveys find that employees are wasting about an hour per day on the Internet? That means for every 8 employees you have, you are paying the equivalent of a full time salary for the time spent on cyber slacking. A company with 1,000 Internet users could lose upwards of $35 million in productivity annually from just an hour of daily Web surfing by employees."

I blinked a few times after he finished his statistic statement. He stared at me in return.

"So, how much time did you use to finish a game?" he quickly changed topic while placing his hand on the mouse. Was he always like that?

"I just started playing actually. I used up quite some time to solve one game, and sometimes I might not even solve it," I giggled as I was speaking. Without noticing, he started clicking on the mouse. After a minute later, he finished the game. Then he stared at me with a grin.

My jaw almost fell to the ground.

"How did you-" before I could finish my sentence, he had already walked back to his place, with his arms holding a stack of case files.

Everyone in the office was hectic, as always. It was odd that no one asked me to do anything, not even typing a single report, or listening to calls. People who have thought I was slacking during work.

"Hey, rookie!" A man in the office called. I looked around to search for the source of the voice. He was sitting near the entrance of the office. "Can you listen to the call for me? Just press '2' on your phone."

Finally, something to do! Oh wait, listening to calls isn't my forte at all!

I hesitated on picking up the phone at first, but the man threw me a glare when he saw that I had not accomplished what he requested of. So, I picked up the phone slowly and nervously while throwing my eyesight somewhere else. My hand was trembling and I could feel a drop of sweat dripped onto my shoulder.

"Good morning, this is Special Agent Jean Carlisle from the FBI Behavioral Unit. How can I help you?" I stammered as I spoke. I tried my best to present in a more pleasant tone. I was wondering if I started with the correct introduction and opening.

"This is Detective Henry Swift. I'm calling regarding to a murder case in Colorado. We think that the murder is related to a series of homicides 5 years ago," the man on the other side of the phone, spoke sternly.

"Excuse me?" I blurted out unintentionally. I was totally out of my mind. I did not know what and how to react. Swiftly I gained back my conscience. "Uh, I mean, uh..."

"We're recommended to the B.A.U. team to join forces with us to catch this killer," the man continued. "Do you think you can lend us a hand?"

"Uh," without a second thought, I answered. "Sure."

"Great! I'll give you all the information I have now to you, then," then he uttered all detailed information naturally. I spotted a paper under a dictionary on my table, I pulled it out with my right hand, which almost torn the paper apart. Even though the paper was not torn part, but now it was badly wrinkled. I randomly picked a pen on the pen holder and started scribbling on the paper.

"Please go on," I swallowed the lump in my throat.

After scribbling down the information and hanging up the phone, I quickly copied the information into another paper, tidying up and arranging the orders of the information, with very much cautious and concentration. As I finished, I quickly grabbed the paper and walked to Unit Chief's room. I was elated while thinking about doing such a great job for the first time. I breathed in the excitement and gave a few knocks onto the door. I could feel my feet dancing as I awaited the permission to go into the room.

"Come in," I heard the husky, lifeless voice spoke. Then, I turned the door knob and walked in enthusiastically, keen to present my "masterpiece".

"Hotch," I called, but he threw me a piercing look. My eyes quickly moved away from having any eye contact with him, and very quickly I added, "-ner… Uh… I just received a phone call. It was from a detective from Colorado. Here is the information. So, anyway, there was a murder which was suggested by him that it might be done by the same murderer 5 years ago. These few years were indicated as his hiatus. And now, he's back for..."

"Wait," Hotchner cut my line. He frowned so much that his eyebrows were at the same level as his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Uh," my eyes widened for a second. My mouth opened but nothing came to my mind. I was searching very hard for words, but the only thing that came out from my mouth was just a simple "Uh…"

_Isn't this what I should be doing?_ I could not find the mistake I had done. My fists were clenched edgily.

"What did you tell the detective?" Hotchner continued to question. Now, he placed down everything he had on his hands and clamped his hands together.

"I told him that we will help him to catch the-"

"What?" It almost sounded like a bellow, but he controlled his volume. "You-"

Then, he took a deep breath, as though to calm his temper. He didn't finish his line. He did not need to, because from the expression of his face, I knew I must have done a huge mistake. I bit my lower lips unwillingly. I stared at him intensely, waiting for his lines.

"Do you know that before concluding whether or not we help them, you need to consult us and discuss with us. You can't just make the decision yourself. No, those aren't the right words to say. You do not have the right or obligation to do so. You don't have the authority to make such decisions. You're neither a liaison nor a chief."

Hotchner's eyes were burning with aggravation. He started breathing evenly after throwing out all those words without a pause. The only thing I could think of doing was just staring at my feet and feeling remorseful of what I had done, like a child got punished by the disciplinary teacher. It was totally the contrary result of what I expected. I did not want to explain further or give any more excuses as I know, if I do, it will only add oil into Hotchner's burning frustration.

It came to a time where both of us did not speak a thing. The atmosphere was silent and stressed. My heartbeat was throbbing at an irregular time interval. It went faster and then slower, and then back to fast again.

"Get back to your work," Hotchner demanded harshly.

I stood there helplessly. My feet just could not move. The muscles seemed to be frozen. Oddly, Hotchner did not bother my presence anymore. He started searching over file cases and reading them, as though I was invisible. He did not even throw me a stare or a glance or even a flaring glare. I walked out of the room slowly and shut the door softly. I saw Hotchner rubbing his forehead with his fingers outside from the windowpane. It seemed like I have thrown him an immense trouble irresponsibly, that sent him a headache.

After shutting the door, I almost collided with Rossi literally, who was standing outside of the room, as though he had been listening to our conversation for quite some time. I remembered the times where he came to the FBI Academy and gave some lectures about profiling. He was a kind man and full of sense of humor. When he looked at me, his mouth was half opened, but no voice came out. He was staring at me as though millions of questions popped out in his mind. I knew he was curious of what happened but he did not want to ask me. He immediately shut his mouth and knocked onto the door of the Unit Chief's room.

As I walked down the stairs back to my seat, I saw the other team members staring at me. Their faces were stapled with questions of 'what happened'. Feeling rather embarrassed, I quickly walked back to my seat and sat down quietly. I randomly found work to do so that I looked busy, and people would not bother to ask me any questions.

"Hey," Prentiss approached me. She rested her arm on my table. "Something happened?"

I did not want to tell her, actually. I did not have the mood to rant about my problem. I continued to take a deep breath and replied, "Yes. Unfortunately I made a mistake and got scolded by Hotchner."

"Oh," she said naturally. "Don't put that into your heart. We all had that experience of being rebuked by Hotch. He is a strict man, I have no doubt about that. But, deep inside, as I have told you before, he has a soft side. He's doing this because he does not want us to trouble ourselves and the team."

Unwillingly, I smiled at her. I knew she sensed the unwillingness. She nodded and walked off. Reid and Morgan went to Prentiss. From my point of view, they must be asking about me.

"Hey, Carlisle," Rossi shouted in front of Hotchner's room. He tilted his head a few times. "Come up here."

I stared at him blankly, while blinking my eyes a few times. I was uncertain of what I had heard of.

"You hear me, come on up," Rossi repeated while showing me his hand sign of 'come here immediately'.

I quickly moved my feet and went to the stairs. Rossi went back into Hotchner's room. I saw the other team members staring up at us and mumbling to each other again. Even Garcia, who just came out from her computing room, also joined the others' curiosity.

I hesitated before stepping back into the room. Pondering if Hotchner was going to give me another lecture, or to tell me to clean up the mess I had caused, and for the worst, kicking me out of the team. _No, no, it can't be done like that!_

"Hotch said that you accepted a case in Colorado," Rossi said while sitting down onto the chair in front of Hotchner's desk.

"Yes, I did," I nodded lightly.

"A murder that is killed by a supposedly retired killer," Rossi continued.

"Yes, that's what the detective mentioned."

"I read your report," Rossi massaged his chin while holding onto the papers I sent in to Hotchner. "Interesting case…"

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat. Then, I tried to clear my throat by giving a cough.

"So, Hotch, since our cadet here has accepted the case, why don't we just follow the case?" Rossi suggested with a smile.

"I will if we don't have any cases on hand, but-"

"Do we have any new case, then?" Rossi asked spontaneously as he heard the first part of the sentence.

Hotchner gave Rossi a stare of blankness. Then he continued, "No, I haven't accepted any of these yet."

Hotchner pointed at the pile of file cases on his desk.

"Great, problem solved," Rossi stood back up again and walked towards me. He patted on my shoulder and whispered with a smirk, "No more recurrence of the same mistake. You know I can't help you all the time."

"I'll ask JJ to talk to the detective for a formal meeting," Hotchner voiced as he picked up the phone beside of him.

Hotchner, ignoring me once more, walked out of the room.

"Everyone, meet me again in the jet within 30 minutes." Then he walked off of the building.

"Jet?" I walked towards Prentis, who was standing nearest to the stairs. "We _have_ a jet?"

"Yeah," Prentiss nodded. "We have a private jet for the ease of travelling around for investigations in different states."

"Let's go back and pack our stuff before travelling to Colorado," Morgan said while packing his bag.

"Oh, right!" Prentiss quickly walked back to her seat and packed up her things. She took a glance at her watch. "We don't have much time."

"You want to go together?" Reid asked while carrying his sling leather bag. I stared at him, and then he continued before I could reply him. "Uh, since we're living in the same apartment."

"OK," I nodded while grabbing my bag and walked with Reid.

During the evening, the BAU team went to the highest floor of the FBI headquarters, which was an open space. A white jet was rested on the centre of a platform. The other members gathered in front of the jet. Reid and I quickly walked towards them with our small luggage bags on our hands. Without any instruction, we went into the jet together.

It was a medium jet. The seats designed were exactly like the 1st class seats in normal airplanes, spacious and large seats. There were a few seats in the front part of the jet and in the middle, there were a table surrounded by four seats. At the back, there was a couch and a few more seats.

Prentiss mimed at me to sit beside of her, while Hotchner and Reid sat together at the opposite of our seats. Morgan turned on an FBI laptop and started clicking on the mouse at the back. JJ was giving out a pile of case files to everyone present in the jet.

"These are the photos of the crime scene and the victim," JJ explained while still standing beside of the seats. "There are also some photos of the victims of the murder 5 years ago."

"Further explain to us, JJ," Hotchner frowned while flipping over the pages in the case file.

"Right," JJ nodded. "The _unsub_ kidnapped the victims and held captive of them over a period of 3 days. Eventually, the _unsub_ would kill the victims by strangling them and cut of their legs. The legs were not found. The _unsub_ would simply throw the bodies on the road side. It was found that the _unsub_ raped his victims before he killed them, too. After his 5th victim, he stopped his job of killing and remained silent for 5 years. However, the recent murder, the _unsub_ killed a woman by stabbing her. Similarly, he cut her legs off and the legs were not found, like the past murders."

"The _unsub_ kept the victims' legs as trophies, to show his dominance and power over the victims," Morgan commented while busy setting up his laptop.

"So, the _unsub_ changed his M.O. (Modus Operandi) and revived his killing job after a 5-year-hiatus," Rossi summarised. "Why?"

"Maybe the _unsub_ undergone changes physically and mentally, that causes him to change his perspectives on killing," Reid suggested and frowned.

"Garcia, can you find the information and the link between the victims?" Morgan spoke to Garcia through the laptop.

"No problem-o, my lovely pie," Garcia replied.

"Take a nap, before we reach Colorado. We won't be able to sleep after we reach our destination," Prentiss shut her eyes.

I tried resting my eyes and mind by shutting the eyes and sat at a comfortable position, but I just could not sleep. My mind was filled with anticipation. My heart was beating erratically after I took steps into the jet. It was so exciting to ride a private jet. I almost forgot about getting chided by Hotchner just a few hours ago. As I slowly opened my eyes again, which took time for my eyes to adapt the condition from darkness to radiance, I saw Hotchner and Reid busy reading the case files, while Rossi was staring at the window and Morgan sleeping on the couch.

"You're awake," Reid uttered as he glanced at me.

"I wasn't asleep at all," I replied.

It was awkward for both of us to converse as Rossi and Hotchner were not sleeping and the whole jet was so cold and quiet. Both of us stared at each other, but nothing came out from our mouths. It was like two children wanting to share secrets but their parents were keeping an eye on them. I could not ask anything about the members or gossip about them.

After an hour later, we finally reached Colorado. The detective was waiting outside of the jet.

"Agent Hotchner, I'm Detective Henry Swift," the detective introduced. As he placed his eyes on JJ, then he continued, "You must be Agent Jareau."

"You can call me JJ," JJ shook the detective's hand.

"Where is Agent Jean Carlisle?" he asked while staring at each of the members.

Everyone stared at me together. At that instant, the detective knew who he was finding. "You must Agent Carlisle."

I nodded with a shy smile.

"Thank you for accepting the case. I thank you on behalf of the whole police department and the residents here," the detective said. "This killer is horrible."

"Uh, you're welcome," my eyes widened as he showed his gratitude.

"Yes, anyway, come, please follow me," the detective led us to the police cars politely.

The police cars brought us to a road side, where a body was lied onto. Residents were surrounding the dead body. Forensics and policemen were busy doing their jobs and controlling the situation. The woman lying on the floor, had her legs cut off with a very sharp weapon, which caused her a smoothly-cut wound. Reid walked towards the corpse and started examining. Morgan looked around for information.

"Were there any witnesses? Or was there anyone who saw any suspicious character hanging around here?" Morgan asked.

The detective took a deep breath, and then continued, "The only suspicious thing that was seen by the residents here was an unknown black SUV driven across the road. They said the SUV had been passing the same path over and over again, but after the body was thrown, the SUV was not to be seen anymore."

"Do they remember the number plate?" Hotchner asked.

"No, none of them remember. None of them actually paid much attention to it. They thought the SUV got lost in search of a relative or friend's house," the detective took out a cigarette.

"What do you have, Reid?" Hotchner asked Reid, who was frowning, as though a question had arouse in his head.

"It is totally the same like the murders committed 5 years ago," Reid pointed at the wound. "Even the location of the wound was the same. But, the wound seemed to be much smoother, which means the _unsub_ was using a new weapon on cutting the legs."

"Like the past, after killing a victim, the _unsub_ will try to kidnap another victim again. Try to search every household if there are any missing women," Hotchner told the detective, and then he faced JJ. "We need to warn the public about the murder and tell the women to not go out alone, especially during night time."

JJ nodded and walked off.

After that, we were led to the police department of Colorado. The police officers started to call every household to question about missing women. The B.A.U. team was left in the conference to profile the _unsub_.

"Angela Moses, Kaley Janson, Elle Philippes, Veronica Granger and Cathy Manson were the first 5 victims murdered by the _unsub_," Prentiss spoke while introducing the victims on the board. "We might not see the similarities between these women, but look at these photos."

Prentiss took out a few photos from a case file and showed it to the team members in the room.

"They had very slim legs," Reid said. "So, this is how our _unsub_ chose his victims."

Then Reid stared at the photo of the recent victim, Joey Walter. "But Walter here, did not seem to match the _unsub_'s choice. All the victims had slim bodies but Walter…"

"She had a larger built body," Morgan continued. "So, the _unsub_ changes his choice of victim."

"No, no, no," Rossi shook his head confidently. "After a 5-year-hiatus, the _unsub_ would most probably wants to find a perfect victim for a new beginning, like an opening ceremony. He would want to have a memorable one. He wouldn't be choosing any random woman for his comeback."

"The autopsy result has arrived," the detective interrupted.

Hotchner took a look at the autopsy result and frowned.

"What is it, Hotch?" Morgan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"There is no sexual act on the victim."

"Hotch," JJ walked into the conference room and joined us. "There are at least 20 women missing in this town."

"We can't narrow down the list because we don't know the choice of women the _unsub_ is choosing for now," Rossi told, with a tone of impatience.

Another police officer interpolated. "There is another murder."

Suspicion began to rise in our hearts. Why would the _unsub_ strike another murder in less than his normal 3-day-period of holding captive of the victim? Besides, he did not rape his victim.

"Reid and Carlisle, you'll stay here with Rossi to continue profiling the _unsub_," Hotchner commanded. "Morgan and Prentiss, we'll go to the crime scene."

All of us nodded. Reid, Rossi and I watched the others leaving the building.

"The _unsub_ cut the victims' legs and keeps them as his trophies, as evidences he power over the victims. To show his ego and his narcissism," Rossi was making a hypothesis.

"Like the 'Shoe Fetish Slayer', he might use the legs he cut as models to model shoes he owned," Reid added.

"Garcia," Rossi called Garcia by the phone. "Did you find anything?"

Rossi listened very carefully and alertly, even though his eyes were shut. It seemed like he wanted to pay full attention to what Garcia was talking about. It was a long pause before Rossi spoke again.

"Garcia has found out that the similarity of the 5 victims," Rossi spoke sternly. "They used to work in a modelling firm, shoe modelling. Oddly, the recent victim was just an employee of a grocery store."

"The _unsub_ must have worked in the modelling firm," I presumed.

"Yes, the _unsub_ that killed the first 5 victims worked in the modelling firm," Rossi nodded, however I could sense a 'but' in the next sentence. "But, not this _unsub_ we're dealing with."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"This is a copy-cat killer," Reid explained.

"Hotch," Rossi took out his phone again. "This is a copy-cat killer."

After the B.A.U. reunited, they started to form a profile of the _unsub_. The police officers were gathered.

"The _unsub_ we're dealing with is just a copy-cat killer who thinks that he can get away with the murders he committed by throwing the blame to the killer who killed the first 5 women in Colorado," Hotchner explained while staring at each of the faces present in the room.

"We believe that this _unsub_ has actually learned and studied about the killer, that is why he could imitate with almost perfection, except the choice of victims," Rossi stated while pointing at the photos of all the victims. "You can see the differences between the 5 victims and the recent victim from these photos."

"The _unsub_ might have a close relationship with the killer, or is obsessed with the killer, which becomes the stressor that drives him to kill," Morgan continued.

"The _unsub_ we're looking for is around 25, white male. He might appear as young and childish, but in the inside, he is a well-planned murderer," Hotchner ended the whole profile statement.

Prentiss was right about the sleeping. The B.A.U. members had slept less than 5 hours that day in deducing the more exact profile of the _unsub_. It was 5 a.m. The B.A.U. members just woke up from their sleep in the police department. Morgan was still sleeping with his head resting on his arms on the desk; Reid was sleeping with his jacket surrounding his body; JJ was sleeping on the chair beside of me, but movement was seen; Prentiss woke up earlier than I did; Hotchner was reading a case file in the detective's room, which seemed like he did not have a long sleep; Rossi was discussing with Hotchner.

I heard my stomach growling. We did not have much for dinner.

"Hungry?" Prentiss asked while handing me a cup of instant noodle, which had hot water in it and the noodle was cooked.

"Thanks," I grabbed hold on the instant noodle and began eating.

"So, how does it feel to be part of the B.A.U.?" she suddenly asked.

"Nice. It is… nice," I uttered bluntly. Actually I had no idea what to reply.

"I know how it feels to be the last to join the team," Prentiss sensed the not-so-genuine answer. "You might feel foreign and isolated by the team members, and find it hard to adapt our personalities, especially Hotchner's. But, don't worry, ever since you join the team, you're part of the family. You're like the new-born infant."

I smiled as soon as I heard that she described me as a 'new-born infant'.

"That's the thing I'm looking for. Your smile," she patted my head. "Never see you smiling like that before. Don't be like Hotch, who never smiles."

"OK," I replied cheekily.

At the morning of the morrow, Hotchner assigned us new duties.

"Reid and Morgan, you'll talk Joey Walter's family; Prentiss and Carlisle, you'll talk to Joey Walter's employer."

Prentiss and I were sent to a grocery shop by the local police officers. We went into the shop to find the owner of the shop, Ray Earlson. We saw a man who aged over 50 and a younger man sitting on a wheelchair.

"Mr Earlson?" Prentiss asked as she approached the older man. Then she took out her credentials and showed it to the man. "I am Special Agent Prentiss, and this is Special Agent Carlisle. We're from the FBI."

"How can I help you, agents?" the man looked readily to supply us any information.

"You should have known that your employee, Miss Walter is dead," Prentiss stated. "Do you know if she had any enemies or had she acted weirdly before dead? Anything that is suspicious happening lately?"

"No, not that I remember," Earlson shook his head lightly while rubbing his balding head.

"What about Carole Black?" Prentiss asked. "Do you know anything about her?"

"No, we don't know her as well. She was just a regular customer, we seldom talked to each other."

"Ask the man on the wheelchair," Prentiss whispered to me. I nodded and walked towards the man sitting on the wheelchair.

"Hi, I am Special Agent Carlisle. What is your name?" I bent down slightly so that I could achieve the same height as his.

"M-M-M-My name is I-Ian Earl-lson," the young man stammered. I sensed something abnormal with this man.

"Ian Earlson," I repeated.

"I'm sorry, agent. My son suffers Down's Syndrome," Earlson spoke as he walked towards his son, wanting to stop us from questioning him. "He can't speak fluently or answer your questions wisely."

"It's OK, I'll ask him simple questions," I insisted on questioning Ian Earlson, but Prentiss stopped me.

"I'll do it," Prentiss sent me a stare to indicate me not to interfere. "Ian Earlson, right? I am Agent Prentiss."

"A-A-gent P-P-P-Prent-tiss," he continued to stammer.

"Are you very close to Joey Walter?"

"Joey i-is a v-very nice l-l-lad-dy," he replied with a nod, and his tone got higher.

"Do you know any friends of Joey?"

Ian Earlson shook his head. "No."

"Thank you, Ian. You've done a great job," Prentiss complimented with a smile.

Prentiss stood back upright and turned her face to the father of the young man.

"Thank you, Mr Earlson, for spending your time with us," Prentiss said while walking away.

"We didn't get much information from here," I whispered to Prentiss after we got out of the grocery store.

"True, and I find that Ray Earlson suspicious, from the way he speaks and acts," Prentiss frowned as she was walking.

I turned my head back to the grocery store. The man named Ray Earlson stared at both of us as we walked into the police car. I was not sure if I saw correctly because we were quite far away from him, but his eyes seemed to be fixed at our legs, and they were hungry-looking. Then, a smirk pierced on his lips, or at least it seemed that way from my position.

Reid and Morgan had reached back to the police department earlier than Prentiss and I. The team had gathered in the conference room, waiting for the arrival of the two of us. Both of us hurried our steps into the conference room.

"So, what did both of you get?" Hotchner asked while holding onto a case file.

"Nothing," Prentiss replied patently. "But I think there's something fishy going around that man, Ray Earlson."

"What about his son?" Reid asked.

"Ian Earlson? He suffers Down's Syndrome," I replied, but Reid and Morgan gave me sceptical looks. Sensing something was wrong, I continued to ask, "Why did you ask about him?"

"Joey's family said she was very close to Ian Earlson before she was killed," Morgan replied.

"The Earlsons must be hiding something," Prentiss proposed boldly.

At that instant, Morgan's phone rang. Morgan quickly picked up his phone. Meanwhile, I realised there were several phones hanging on Morgan's belt.

"Yes, Garcia?"

"Guess what I found about the Earlsons? Ray Earlson used to work as a shoe company's manager. But, his record is as clean as a white paper, so I change my target to his son, Ian Earlson, he doesn't receive much education, he stopped attending school at the age of 12 and he doesn't work at all. Ray Earlson's wife died 5 years ago from a car accident. After that, the Earlsons moved out from Colorado and recently they moved back into Colorado. It was said that they went to D.C. Washington for a leg surgery."

"Ian Earlson," Prentiss interrupted with a several light nods.

"Yes, indeed it was. The oddest thing I found out is about the grocery shop owned by Ray Earlson. That shop was actually bought by Joey Walter's father, Tom Walter. But, she sold it to Ray Earlson to pay off her debts. Yes, she was an avid gambler. Poor girl, you can't imagine how many debts she owed." Garcia took a deep breath before continuing. "Anyway, the second victim from the recent murders, Carole Black, was a fine woman. She worked as a teacher, everyone loves her. So, I have no idea why the _unsub_ killed her."

"So, the copy-cat killer picked his victims randomly?" I spoke but it sounded more like a question.

"He enjoyed killing but to avoid being caught, he imitated the homicide, trying to make us think that the _unsub_ might be the killer who committed the homicides 5 years ago," Rossi deduced.

"Wait, but Garcia did mention that Ray Earlson used to work as a shoe company's manager. He would fit the _unsub_ most," Morgan suggested.

The detective interrupted us with an agitated look. "There's another murder."

"Detective, I think we know who the _unsub_ is. Ray Earlson," Rossi spoke and the B.A.U. team was ready for action.

The detective stood there like a stone. His face was pale. "Ray Earlson?"

From the look of the detective, we all knew something went wrong, very wrong.

"What is it?" Hotchner asked seriously.

"He's dead," the detective replied swiftly.

The body of Ray Earlson was lying on a couch. His body was in a sitting position. His arms were holding onto a knife, which was stabbed into his abdomen.

"Hotch, there's a letter. It was written by Ray Earlson," Morgan said while handing over a piece of letter to Hotchner. The B.A.U. members peeked at the letter together, all standing and pointing their toes behind of Hotchner.

_"I knew the FBI would figure me out as the killer who murdered 5 women 5 years ago and also I am guilty with the 2 recent murders. Yes, I am the one. Fortunately, I have the time to commit suicide before you catch me. I rather die than getting caught and living behind those filthy bars with filthy people. I know you all are curious about the murder, and where I kept those perfect legs. But no, I shall not speak the secret. It will remain as a secret that will die with me._

_By,_

_The killer you have been looking for,_

_Ray Earlson."_

"Usually when a person commits suicide, he or she will give out his or her precious things to someone beloved, or do anything for the friends and family." Morgan spoke.

"Where's the son?" Rossi asked while looking around. "Maybe we can get something out from him."

"Ian!" I called as I saw a wheelchair-figure moving. Ian moved towards me.

"M-Miss Carl-l-lisle," he called. He looked in despair.

"Agent Rossi would like to ask a few questions," I patted his shoulder. "Just try to answer him."

Ian Earlson nodded.

"Did your father give you anything or speak to you before he killed himself?" Rossi asked naturally.

"No," he replied. "H-he just told m-me not t-to bec-come a man h-him."

Rossi then turned to the other B.A.U. members and started another discussion.

"He just admits he's the killer like this?" Reid asked. "It's rather illogical. I mean, when _unsub_s kill themselves, it was because they regretted and wanting to repent for their murders. They could not face the public's pressure of pointing fingers at them and calling them 'disgusting, filthy murderers'. I mean, it makes sense for some _unsub_s to wanting to keep everything as a secret, but no, not this _unsub_. This _unsub_ is a narcissist, he would want the whole world to know about his crimes and be infamous. Like Bundy, he never kills himself, instead, he allows the whole world to know his existence and admits his crimes before execution."

"Something is yet to be unveiled," Rossi rubbed his jaw.

"I'm sorry for your loss," I patted Ian Earlson's shoulder again. I took out a packet of sweets from my bag. "You know, when I feel gloomy or depressed, I tend to eat sweets. They help me in getting rid of those sadness and sorrow. I hope these help you too."

He planted a smile on his face. "Y-you're a n-nice lady, M-Miss C-Carlisle."

"Finally done with the case," I stretched my hands after packing up my things.

"I still don't think the recent murders were done by this man," Morgan stated as he sat on the chair beside of me.

"I agree with Morgan," Reid uttered while cupping his jaw. "It seemed like this case ends too suddenly, as though it was planned to end like this."

"Don't think too much, dear agents. The case is finally comes to an end. We have finally found the killer. Don't complicate the whole situation," the detective said before he leaves the building.

Hotchner was walking towards me. He looked a little upset as he approached me. I knew I must have done something that caused him to look like that, but I just did not know what I did.

"I saw you giving the pack of candies to Ian Earlson," Hotchner spoke softly, as though he did not want the others to hear him. "As a profiler, as an FBI agent, we don't get intimate or personal with the victims or anyone related to the case. I hope you understand that. You might not know it but this may affect the case or cause trouble to yoursel. Do you get me?"

I nodded mechanically. The others did not seem to notice Hotchner giving me an advice.

After a discussion with the team, I sat down on a couch and laid my whole body on it. It was so tiring, especially when you did not sleep much on the day before. My body was sour and I could not feel anything anymore. It was numb and I could not move a single muscle. My eyes shut automatically.

Before I can remember about the dream I was having, mumbling voices were surrounding my ears and unwillingly, the voices awakened me. I opened my eyes slowly as I stretched my body and sat upright.

"He must be the one!" a woman's voice spoke. I assumed it belonged to Prentiss'.

"Why haven't we thought of that?" Reid spoke.

"What is it?" I asked as I approached the team.

"We found the _killer_," Reid replied keenly.

"What killer?" I raised an eyebrow.

"The killer of the 2 recent murders," Morgan replied.

"Let's go," Hotchner called as he continued to walk off. Before I could ask a single question, the team had hurried me to follow them. I was left in the midst of confusion and lost.

Then, the police cars brought us to our destination. The place was familiar. Yes, how could I not figure out? It was the neighbourhood where the Earlson's house was located. It looked a little different from the last time I saw it. It took time for me to realise they were the same location since the last time I visited here was night, everything was dark.

"Stay in the car," Hotchner said as he walked out from the car. Everyone in the car followed him, except me. "Whatever happens, do not step out of the car. Are you clear with that?"

I nodded vigorously. I watched the police officers and the B.A.U. team moved away from the police car. Within a minute, they all disappeared from my sight. I looked around suspiciously and warily, thinking I might lend them a hand on catching whoever the killer was, as long as someone looked suspicious. _How come the team never tells me who the unsub was?_

I chose not to fathom out any reasons bluntly because I did not want to doubt about the team or lose faith in them. Before I could continue my musing, I saw Ian Earlson coming closer to the police car I was sitting in. He did not seem to realise my presence, though.

I rolled down the window and called him. "Hey."

He quickly turned his head to me. His eyes shuddered a moment. "M-Miss C-Carlisle."

"Are you alright? You look pale," I told him. "You know, you shouldn't be alone out here now. My team mates found the real killer and he's nearby."

He sent me a suspicious stare. "W-What d-do you mean?"

"I'm not sure about the exact story, but I think your father was killed," I unlocked the door and walked out of the car. "Come, I'll bring you back to your house."

"N-No, I don't w-want to go h-home," he opposed the suggestion very firmly. "C-Can I h-have a w-walk in the gard-d-den?"

"Sure," then I started pushing him. "Where's the garden?"

"Just r-right up-"

Before he could finish his sentence, someone interjected his line.

"Stop right there, Ian Earlson!"

I turned my head and saw Hotchner, pointing his gun towards my direction.

"Hotchner!" I exclaimed. "Why are you here? I thought you're…"

"Ian," Hotchner ignored my question and continued his lines. "Ian, I know what you did. I know what happened to you!"

"N-No, you d-don't!" Ian Earlson bellowed.

"Ian?" I called as I realised the tone in Ian Earlson was different from the usual tone he had. It sounded much more aggressive.

"We know about you faked your handicap. You can walk, can't you?"

Suddenly I could feel a hand grabbing my neck. The next moment, Ian Earlson had a knife with him, pointing to my neck.

"W-What do y-you want?" he shouted.


	6. Chapter 6: Abduction

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N: **Sorry for taking such a long time to update... I was extremely busy the past few months! And I had dragged this chapter from the last 2 months 'till now... Anyway, thanks for the marvelous and supportive reviews! :)

**- Chapter Six -**

**Abduction**

"What?" I asked, which almost sounded like a shriek because of the unexpected bombshell.

"W-What do y-you want?" he asked Hotchner again. The knife on his arm was glued to my neck.

"We know what you have been through," Hotchner spoke in return. His gun was aimed higher at position and was prepared to fire.

"W-What do you k-know!" He shouted back. Meanwhile, staring at both of them and listening to their conversation, I was puzzled.

"We found out you never attended any special schools for Down's syndrome. We did suspect that it may be because your father had no intention in raising you as a brighter kid. But no, in your house, there were so many books. It tells us something, you are a smart-"

"S-Smart?" he exclaimed. "Smart i-is an un-d-derstate-m-ment! I am a genius!"

I stared at Hotchner, wondering if he would give any orders or signs to me. But no, he did not. He paid full concentration to Ian Earlson. I doubted he realised I was staring at him all this while.

"Just b-because I-I suffer s-speech disor-order, t-that old m-man t-throws me to t-the cate-g-gory of idiocy! F-Foolish m-man! When h-he found o-out that I am a g-genius, he t-took me for g-granted. D-do you know h-how he t-tortu-red me? After my m-mother died, h-he had been b-blackmail-ling m-me b-because h-he knew, I h-had no o-one to d-depend on! The f-first thing h-he asked m-me to do w-was kidnapping w-women!"

"So, he used you to get to women's weak point? Sympathy?" Hotchner asked, still had his guard up.

"Sick m-man!" he spat. "A-after w-what he d-done to those w-women, he w-would ask me to c-cut their legs off f-for him, and t-then get r-rid of t-those bo-dies!"

I could feel him hyperventilating and his body was trembling.

"I-I killed h-him for t-the sake of the w-world!" he yelled grittily, as though he was completely on the right track.

"Then why did you kill the two women, Joey and Carole?" Hotchner continued to point his gun towards the _unsub_.

"I k-killed t-them so that t-that sick o-old man would b-be suspected!" He replied. "The p-plan was so p-perfect…"

"Release Carlisle, Earlson," Hotchner finally went back to his first intention, to save the hostage. "You know she's a nice lady."

"Y-yes, Miss C-Carlisle i-is a f-fine and k-kind lady," I sensed he threw his vision to me for a moment, but then he quickly turned back his glare at Hotchner, and his knife starting to cause throbbing.

"You're surrounded, Earlson. You have nowhere to run. Release Carlisle. You know you don't want to hurt another innocent being," Hotchner looked more fierce and ferocious, as though a tiger wanting to protect its cub when it realises its cub was attacked.

Earlson was facing dilemma. He was trembling in uncertainty. The longer he held me as hostage, the more hazardous I would face. Hotchner knew it very well, that was why he kept pushing Ian Earlson to release me as hostage, because no one knows if he suddenly feels like bringing a dead person with him to hell.

As he slowly placed his arms down and I could feel a loose grasp from him, I felt someone carried Ian Earlson away, with such monstrous force. I turned back and looked at Morgan, who had Ian Earlson's arms locked with handcuffs. The knife fell onto the floor as Ian Earlson was dragged away by Morgan.

"Hotchner," I called before Hotchner walked off. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have-"

Hotchner cut in before I finished speaking. "I'll deal with you after we get back to Quantico."

Then he walked away hurriedly.

"Are you alright?" JJ appeared in the scene, all of the sudden.

I was not aware of JJ's presence because I was agonising myself with the thought of not obeying what Hotchner had enjoined.

"Jean!" JJ gasped, petrifying while pointing directly to my neck. "You're bleeding!"

I felt my neck with my hand. There was warm thick liquid flowing out slowly from my neck. To confirm what it was, I stared back at my hand and it was covered with dark red blood. Soon, I felt myself prickling at the neck, and then the prickle turned to sore and aching. JJ quickly pushed me towards the paramedics, but after that, she realised the more she pushed me, the more I was in pain (and the more the blood was flowing out). She quickly apologised while pressing my hand to my neck and brought me towards the paramedics slowly.

"Is she going to be OK? Look at the wound, the bleeding just won't go away," JJ spoke very swiftly like a flash of lightning, before giving a long stare at the paramedics, expecting an answer.

The paramedics took a look at my wound before saying, "it's not _that_ severe, miss. Don't worry."

Then, he applied some medicine, probably antiseptics or antibiotic, or disinfectant, but whatever it was, it sent me a cold sting, a slight one though.

"Oh, I have to handle the media," JJ gasped suddenly, as though she suddenly recalled the thing she was supposed to be doing. "You'll rest here, OK?"

I nodded, like a daughter assuring her mother she will be alright, alone. JJ left with motherly concern after giving me the last stare before handling the reporters gathered near the crime scene.

I continued to sit at the edge of the floor of the back of the ambulance, watching everyone hustling around.

"Hey, baby girl," Morgan approached slowly. Then he sat beside of me.

"Hey," I called back.

"How are you? You look," Morgan raised an eyebrow, and then he continued, "fine."

"Yeah," I replied. "I _am_ fine."

"You don't feel fear or traumatic after getting held on as hostage? Your heart never stopped a beat?" He continued to ask. He must have found my reply eerie.

"Maybe a little," I shrugged. "But I'm fine now. Somehow I knew he wouldn't hurt me."

"But he did send you that wound," he pointed to my neck.

"OK, fine, I knew he won't kill me," I rephrased my sentence.

Morgan let out a chuckle.

"Did I trouble the whole team?" I asked while staring at my feet, feeling rather remorseful.

Morgan paused. He did not reply me immediately. He needed time to figure the correct words to say so that I wouldn't feel bad about what happened. "No, you didn't. You didn't know he was the _unsub_. No one told you. You're just trying to help him."

I nodded to myself. "Wait, why didn't anyone-"

Before I could finish my words, Morgan had walked away to have a few words with the police officers. I wondered why the team never told me about the truth. Was it because of the time restriction? Or was it because I was new to the team? Or was there any other reasons? Before concluding, Reid's voice approached.

"How's your neck?" he asked, he frowned.

"It's…" I paused for awhile, then gave an uneasy smile, "I'm fine."

Reid paused from speaking. He continued to frown, as though there were things in his mind that he wanted to say, but his lips were ignorant.

"How did you find out that Ian Earlson was the _unsub_?" I tried to break the ice.

"Oh! Uh… Well, somehow, we found that he did not attend any special Down's syndrome institutions (which Hotch did mention earlier), but he did attend elementary school nearby. We talked to the teachers about him. They said he's a nice and smart child, but suffers from stammering unfortunately. Yes, I heard it was caused by a trauma. Did you know that trauma would affect a person so much psychologically and physically-"

I sent a slight bothered glare at him to continue the story and not the whole factual statements.

"Anyway, they denied that he was suffering from Down's syndrome. Then we knew he was lying the whole time. Well, of course, the most important clue was that Ray Earlson is not the biological father of Ian Earlson. Ian's mother divorced with his father, and remarried with Ray. There were several abusing reports made, but no charges were successfully issued to Ray Earlson. After that, Ian's surgery should have made him able to walk again, but why would the Earlsons hide the fact? As we went on, we gathered the old testimonies given by witnesses related to the murders 5 years ago, they saw the last person encountered by the victims was the same person, a disabled man on a wheelchair. Ray Earlson must have used Ian's disabled to lure the victims. Then, we knew he was the one."

There was no pause in between. I was pretty awed that he finished those lines with almost one breath only.

"I see," I uttered unthinkingly. I realised I did not help them on profiling, and worst still, I hurled trouble to them.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Reid asked once more, frowning a little. "You look pale."

"I'm fine," I placed a smile on my face. I couldn't tell what type of smile I was having actually, at least Reid didn't show any discomfort due to anything I wore on my face.

**...**

I did not look forward to going back to Quantico. Not at all, because I knew as soon as I reached back to the headquarters, Hotchner would ask me to get into his room and started questioning me for disobeying him. I could foretell him dismissing me and kicking me out of the team, or ask me to change into another team…

"Agent Carlisle," Hotchner called sternly.

I bit my lower lips uneasily.

"Do you have any comments about what you had done during the day we caught Earlson in Colorado?" He continued.

I remained in silence. I tried to shake my head but the muscles on my neck were frozen. The pause was long enough to make the whole atmosphere cold and dizzy. Each ticking sound of Hotchner's watch was heard crystal clear. His eyes were burning with anticipation, as though he really wanted to hear my comment.

"Were you not clear with my words? Why didn't you listen to me? Do you know what you did could cause your own death or bring trouble to our team and the whole police department of Colorado?" He started posting questions in one single breath.

"I… I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't the right word I want to hear now," Hotchner uttered with annoyance. "You give me no choice but to doubt your grades, your excellence in the academy. You don't seem to fit as a profiler, or an FBI agent, or anything related to this field."

_Wait… this is going too far…_ I could feel my heart beating faster every next beating.

"You take things too personally. You can't do that, you will cause trouble to yourself," Hotchner continued after a slight pause. "I overheard you calling the other team members by their first names. I hope you will address them as 'agents' and call them by their last names. I do not want you to get too personal with the team and cause emotional feelings with them. And you do know, you're just a cadet, and we are the official FBI Special Agents. So, I would like you to respect our statuses as your superiors and not your friends. This is not a playground-"

"Hotchner," I found myself screeching his last name for the first time. I swiftly turned down my tone and tried to calm myself with a deep breath. I tried to hold back the tears that were soon dripping off from the edge of my eyes. I knew I could hold back. The next moment, I wanted to bawl at him, "I'm not a child!" but then I found another much more important statement. "You've said that this team is like a family. How is it a family if I am not acting personal to them?"

Meanwhile, I could see Hotchner was lost of words. His mouth was half opened.

"You never treated me as family. They," I pointed to the window which led to the whole B.A.U department, "never treat me as a family! Were you the one that prevented the whole team to tell me Ian Earlson was the _unsub_?"

I bit my lips, feeling rather relieved after expressing myself. Then, after a long pause, I continued.

"But I will follow your orders, and respect them," I emphasised, "_sir_."

Without a second thought, I left the room without another sound. I quickly rushed out of the office and ran straight to the elevator. I pressed on the button to reach the highest floor. Still holding back my tears, I waited a few seconds before the elevator reached the highest floor._ Ding! _As the door of the elevator, I brought my body away from the elevator and tears started to fall. I was unaware of my surroundings, whether there was anyone or whether the sky was raining. I just let everything out. Then, suddenly I noticed the presence of a living thing, I thought it was a cat, or a dog, but no, he was human. I knew that familiar face. Without a second thought, I started wiping off the tears, dived my face onto my shirt. It was hard to cease the crying spontaneously.

"Are you OK?" Reid asked. He looked concerned.

"I'm… I'm fine," I tried to avoid eye contacts. I felt my eyes bulging and my nose was completely blocked. I tried to sniff softly so he wouldn't hear my sniffing sound.

"Hotch must have done something bad to you," Reid continued. "Hadn't he?"

I was very busy drying my eyes by wiping my eyes with my sleeves.

"Everyone in the team gets lectures from him," he said "All the time."

I bit my lips. Still, I refused to stare at him. I turned my stare exactly to both of my feet.

"You know, whenever I am sad or anything bad happens, I always come up here. Looking at the sky seems to be the best way to calm me down, apart from reading."

I planted a weak smile slowly and brushed my hair to the back of my ear.

"Are you planning to be mute in this whole conversation?"

I let out a chuckle, wanting to nod, but then I realised it would be inappropriate for such atmosphere.

"How does a rich spoiled brat change a light bulb?" he asked all of a sudden,

I stared blankly at him instantly. "Huh?"

"She says, 'Daddy, I want a new apartment'," he continued with laughter. He seemed entertained by his own weird joke.

"OK, what about this one? How do crazy people go through the forest?" After waiting for my response, which I didn't react to it, with a few times of shaking heads, he continued, "no? Don't know? They take the psycho path! HAHAHA! Oh oh! I have another one!"

He continued very excitedly. "Uh, what do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phone! Hahahaha!"

His laughter was totally hysterical. I gazed at him with widening eyes. Suddenly, the laughter just broke off and he came back to his senses.

"Not funny? The jokes aren't working, are they?" Reid started scratching his head, looking embarrassed.

I did not know if it was me who was reacting slowly or my funny bone was malfunction, I started giggling at Reid for his attempts to cheer me up, though the jokes were pretty lame, but yet he still found them amusing. That was what amused me.

**...**

Everyone was gathered in the conference room by JJ, where she just accepted a new case. The victims were killed with the same pattern, stabbed to death, while the hearts were taken out by the _unsub_. The victims showed similarities, their hair colour. Black. This time, the serial homicides were performed in Richmond, capital of Virginia. The B.A.U just needed to travel by SUVs to reach their destination. Although it may seem to be a long journey, we were able to reach Richmond at the evening.

"Welcome, Agent Hotchner," the detective shook Hotchner's hand. "We meet again."

"Detective Green," Hotch called with a nod.

"Thank you for coming," the detective hurriedly led us into the Richmond Police Department and to the conference room.

"As you have read through the files," the detective started to explain. "There is no specific location where the killer dumped his victims, except the same type of locations, garbage dumps in the back alleys."

"There's no any abusive signs from the _unsub_?" Rossi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not that we have found," the detective replied. "Oh yes, there were bruising marks on the wrists of the victims."

"The victims were tied by their hands," Prentiss looked at everyone in the room.

"Precisely," the detective nodded.

"Well, taking out the hearts of the victims seems like anger to me," Morgan commented briefly.

"Or maybe the _unsub_ preserved the hearts as meals," Reid suggested with a grin. But after realising the expressions given by everyone in the room, especially the detective, he quickly added, "If he's a cannibal."

"Shall I warn the residents about the killer?" the detective asked Hotchner, who was staring at the case file.

"I will ask my team member, Agent Jereau to do so," Hotchner continued, "Detective, you can ask your team to patrol more often and keep an eye on the people who usually wander around during the night, when the victims are the most vulnerable. That is what your people can do for the time being."

The detective nodded and went out of the conference room. Hotchner continued to sit down and read through the case file. He started rubbing both sides of his forehead with his index fingers; Rossi was brushing his little beard by the jaw while frowning and looking at the case file; Morgan was holding onto his cell phone, probably asking Garcia for a few requests; Prentiss was about to leave the police department with Morgan to examine the crime scenes, as ordered by Hotchner; Reid was busy squinting his eyes and circling the crime scene's location. The only one who was blur and had no idea what to do was me. I was sitting there and staring blankly at the case file.

"First of all we have to know where the _unsub_ gets his victims so we can give warnings to the residents," Rossi suggested, after a long peaceful silence.

"Carlisle, Reid, I need you to go around the town for some local information," Hotchner called me for the first time since the day he lectured me, though there was no peculiar tone in him. I nodded, still refused to take a look at him.

On the same night, Reid and I went out to check on the local residents with Hotchner at different locations. But there weren't much information given by the local residents, even they had no idea a serial killer was in raid in town, not until the related breaking news was aired on TV.

"So you have no idea about these serial homicides?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, while jotting down a bartender's speech.

"Do I look like I'm joking to you?" he started to feel annoyed by my repeating questions. "How many times do you have to ask, miss FBI?"

"Sorry, but I have to make su-"

"Go away and stop pestering me, I'm busy!" he finally burst out his anger, but the music in the night bar was so loud that I still barely heard his bellow.

I scowled a little at him before I leave the bartender alone. The next moment, I found him flirting with some ladies who were wearing fewer pieces of clothes – ultimately sexy. I wouldn't want to describe more of their clothing as I was not interested with them or gave them any detailed examination.

"Men are so realistic and perverted!" I whined. "Just because I wasn't wearing sexy garments, and he treated me so much different compared to those women!"

"Not all men are like that, you know?" Reid stated while leaving the night bar with me.

"And who is that 0.1% men that is not like _them_, Dr Reid?" I asked sarcastically while rolling my eyes.

"Dr Reid?" He raised his eyebrows, hesitated in his mind, wondering if he had mistaken my words, though he would have doubted he had bad listening skills. "You never addressed me as 'Dr Reid'."

"Well, I have to, _now_," I emphasised. "_Agent Hotchner_ said I have to respect the statuses of my teammates as my superiors."

There was a long pause while we were walking back to the police department. It was cold in the dark and was windy. The only sound that broke off the silence was the sound of the wind blowing onto the leaves, causing the leaves to scatter around the roadside.

"Aren't you coming in?" Reid was holding onto the door, half of his body was already inside of the building. Just another step and he would be inside of it.

"No. I feel like walking," I planted a smile on my face. Reid did not attempt to make me stay in the building. He just threw me a few nods and placed a smile on his face, as though he understood my reason.

I started wandered off the police department and went back somewhere near the night bar. Oddly, there were many drunken men and women wobbling around unconsciously. I took a glimpse at my watch and it showed 3 a.m. I had no idea I was strolling around at this hour. As I was setting my feet back to the police department, I saw a mysterious and suspicious man walking around, and then another lady was held by the waist by the man. The lady had long, black wavy hair and she was completely intoxicated. The lady's appearance fit the profile of the victims. I tried to follow the man furtively and had dodged few of his suspicious stares. He continued to head to a dark alleyway, looking side to side warily. I followed him to the alleyway but it was too dark for me to see a thing. I could not feel his presence at all from the quietness in the alleyway.

Immediately, an idea ticked in my mind!

_He must have gotten his victims at this hour, at this place! That's why no one noticed the victims because everyone was intoxicated!_

I took out my phone, preparing to walk away from the alleyway to notify my team mates. But something ceased me. A dark figure appeared and pushed my hand forcefully. My cell phone fell onto the floor. As I was going to turn my head to see the attacker, I realised a hand came from behind. He covered my nose and mouth with a soaked cloth. I tried to struggle but my body started to become weak. I tried to hit the attacker but my hands were not listening to my orders. They fell down weakly. My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier every time I took a breath. I felt my mind dozing away as my eyelids falling together, which led me to another world.

"You have the best smell among the others…"


	7. Chapter 7: The Little Secret

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N: **I shall be in hiatus these few months, until December! Well, if I have the time, I would try to update during the hiatus. Major exam's coming, gotta strive as much as possible!

**- Chapter Seven –**

**The Little Secret**

The B.A.U members got into intense anxiety when they realized their newest member, Cadet Jean Carlisle was gone, vanished from thin air. It was already 7 a.m. and she was not seen anywhere nearby the police department. At first, Hotchner assumed she was still angry with his rather exaggerated lecture towards her, and Reid thought the same too. But the members knew she was not an irresponsible person, who would evaporate without notifying any of them. Even Penelope Garcia, the technology analyst who was staying in Quantico, who did not follow the others to go to Richmond, felt fretful and restless.

None of them had a good sleep. Hotchner was awake the whole time; Rossi tried to sleep because he knew very well, the most important element in finding Carlisle was energy, but his attempt on sleeping failed; Morgan tried to urge Garcia to search for Carlisle's location via her cell phone, but Garcia was not able to locate her because her cell phone was not functioning at all; Prentiss and Jareau would try to calm each other and tell each other that Carlisle was fine, though deep in their hearts, they both were in extreme worriedness; lastly, the genius Dr Reid, was feeling disturbed, too. If only he tried to persuade Carlisle not to have that walk she suddenly wanted to, if only he could grab her arm and bring her back into the building… Those thoughts were circling in his mind over and over again and never stopped. He started blaming himself for not even trying to avert her from that walk, he knew if he did try, he knew he could have brought her back.

None of them would have understood the feeling of loneless by Carlisle. The only thing she could feel and see was a few flashes of lights in front of her, and the breeze in the car she was sitting at. Her hands were tied firmly which was hurting her wrists. She was still unconscious from the anaesthetic the kidnapper given her, but then she was able to feel something beside of her. She could feel there was another human beside of her, from the warm breaths of that particular human. Carlisle was glad that she was not alone, but the other part of her felt rather remorseful as the _unsub_ had kidnapped another victim. And this time, he had 2 victims.

After a long journey, the car finally stopped. She could feel the _unsub_ carrying her into a house. She strived as much as she could to get conscious and look for information, but she failed. Her muscles were too weak to move, and her brain was still in its dull form. She could hear every pant the _unsub_ let out when he was carrying her. She could smell the scent of the sweat from the _unsub_'s body. Salty and stinky. Her mind continued to drift away.

This time, she finally woke up, feeling more awaken. She could sense the function of anaesthetic had finally worn off. She tried to move her muscles and started stretching as much as possible. She looked around her surroundings. The room was stuffy. The wall was made of wood and there was no window at all, just a light bulb hanging in the middle of the room by the ceiling. She tried to scan over the place to get anything sharp to cut off the ropes tying firmly by her wrists.

"Wake up," she tried to jostle at the other victim. "Wake up!"

The girl's eyes opened slowly. She blinked a few times.

"Where am I? Oh my God! Where am I?" she started to panic and the volume of her voice non-stop increasing. Carlisle was able to give a clearer look compared to their first 'meeting'. The girl had black wavy hair, her eyes were shining with tears, her lips were pinkish and well-shaped.

"Shh!" Carlisle tried to shush the panicking girl. "Don't yell so loud or else the _unsub_ will hear us!"

"_Unsub_?" she continued with a whisper. "What is he going to do to us?"

"I'm not sure," I tried to look around to see if the _unsub_ was anywhere nearby. "The only way to stay alive now is to play along with him. Do whatever he tells us to do, understand?"

The terrified girl nodded vigorously. Even though Carlisle knew, in this circumstances, if the _unsub_ comes in, the girl will still shout for help no matter what, because she was so frightened that she forgets everything that she was told to do. When the door knob was turned, the girl looked at me, petrified. I could see the sweat on her chin dripping onto her shoulder.

"Don't worry," I nodded to her to give her some confidence.

Finally, the door knob was turned entirely and the _unsub_ came in.

"Are you hungry?" a man, in his mid-30s asked. He was holding two plates with sausages and fried eggs. "Come, eat them."

"Please let me go!" the girl begged. I tried to kick her softly to ask her to shut up, but she did not comprehend me. She continued to cry and whimper all the way. "Please! My family is waiting for me! I promise, I won't tell out a single word if you let me go! Just let me go!"

For a moment, I thought that the _unsub_ was glancing at me throughout the time the girl was begging and pleading.

"Annoying brat," the man changed his smiling face to a displeased look. He sent the girl a few kicks and punches before leaving the room while taking the plates with him.

"Come back! Please!"

**...**

The B.A.U team finally found themselves being desperate and distressed. One of the policemen found Carlisle's cell phone on the floor in an alleyway near the night bars. There was also another girl reported missing since yesterday night. Then, the B.A.U finally concluded (even though they had believed their instincts that Carlisle was kidnapped earlier, but they refused to accept it as a fact) that Carlisle was indeed kidnapped by the _unsub_. All this while, no one had realised Carlisle was a potential victim based on the profile of the victimology of the _unsub_, not even herself. She had that black hair which was the significant profile of the victimology, alone, and in her 20s. The team started to feel remorseful towards the abduction. If only they had realised it earlier, Carlisle would have not been one of the victims.

Hotchner, in another hand, started to feel uncertainty towards his capability in guiding Carlisle to become an FBI profiler. He had lost her once again in another case, twice in a row. He started doubting himself if he had been a good supervisor. As these thoughts continued, his body shivered. His heart almost skipped a beat when a thought came by where Carlisle would be hurt by any means. He knew he would be responsible for that, and he would definitely blame himself.

"Hotch," Morgan called, which sent Hotchner startled. "So, what do we do now?"

Hotchner stared at Morgan blankly. He needed time to reconstruct what he had been planning the previous day, since the current situation had been altered from what he had expected.

"Aaron," Rossi snapped. "Aaron, are you OK?"

Hotchner felt his senses and quickly responded, "yes, I'm fine, David."

"From what we know about the pattern of the _unsub_'s killing, Carlisle will probably have 3 more days to live," Rossi spoke calmly. He was always the wisest among the team. "Though the M.O. of the _unsub_ will change due to the change of his victimology. Hence, we have to be prepared for the unexpected."

The other team members nodded firmly. They all knew very well what the unexpected meant. They had been through such incidents for uncountable times, but yet this time, each of them felt fear, much more anxious than usual, because the one that was left alone dealing with the _unsub_ was an inexperience cadet, who was trying to solve her second serial homicide case.

"I hope you're not blaming yourself for the cause of Carlisle's abduction," Rossi whispered quietly to Hotchner. Hotchner stared directly at him.

"You must be feeling terrible for giving her such stern lecture, and even disregarded her as family. But you need to let those thoughts go now," Rossi continued. "What is utmost important now is to save that kid and not blaming yourself!"

"I know," Hotchner replied in an uncomfortable tone.

The day was getting darker, the day was going to end, and another new day was coming by. The girl who had been struggling the whole day beside of Carlisle had finally stopped struggling because all her energy was depleted and no food had entered her stomach. So was Carlisle. Her stomach had been growling for so many times that she had tried to stop thinking about food for that instant and tried to figure a way out. She hardly had the energy to crawl around to find useful tools.

"Hey, what's your name?" Carlisle asked, sitting upright with her arms tied behind of her back.

"Iris Summers," the girl replied monotonously. Her whole body was resting on the floor, though her wrists and feet were tied tightly.

"What a wonderful name," Carlisle threw the words out unexpectedly. Then she shook her head to bring back her topic. "Anyway, listen here. You have to cooperate with me!"

"Cooperate with you for what?" She rolled her eyes. Then suddenly, she burst out, "Wait! Are you trying to make him kill me first? Oh no, you're so not going to do that, because I'll be the one to kill you fir-"

"CALM DOWN!" Carlisle shouted for the first time at Summers. She had lost her patience with this girl ever since Summers's non-stop pleading towards the _unsub_. "Can you just allow me to finish my words before interrupting me?"

Summers stared at Carlisle and blinked a few times. Finally, her lips were zipped.

"Listen," Carlisle began to whisper. "I'm assuming that it's late midnight now, and I'm sure our kidnapper won't barge in all of a sudden. So I'm going to tell you my plan, but you have to stick with me, OK?"

Summers nodded vigorously.

"First of all, you have to zip up that mouth of yours from pleading and begging, because it will not do any good. Your pleading may even inflame his anger and kill us both! So, whatever happens, you just have to shut up and let me do all the talking. Understand?"

"How do you know whether what you're doing won't bring us both to death? It's not like you're some kind of experts!" Summers finally interrupted. She never learned to cooperate.

"To tell you the truth," Carlisle knew it was risky to tell her who she was, but if she did not tell her, Summers will never cooperate and she might be the cause of their deaths. No, Carlisle would not allow this to happen. She needed to stay alive. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I am an FBI profiler. I study these people's behaviours and hence I roughly know what to do. So stop doubting my expertise. I know more than you do."

After that, both of them slept in that stuffy room until the next morning, which both of them were awakened by the _unsub_, who kick-opened the door which sounded like a "BANG!", so loudly that sent both of the girls a jump from their sleep.

"So, did both of you have good sleep with each other? Have you become besties?" he asked while squatting down. He seemed energetic and excited.

Summers stared at him blankly, her mouth was about to move and Carlisle immediately knew she wanted to speak. She quickly pushed her away and let her voice out first. "Yes, we have become best friends."

"Really?" Looking doubted, the _unsub_ raised an eyebrow. "I've never have two girls before."

Carlisle could feel the lump in her throat and tried to swallow in order to get rid of the discomfort. She was actually uncertain of what her next move was.

The _unsub_ took a deep breath before continuing his conversation. "So, has your friend learn to behave?"

"Yes, she has, as you can see, she is much quieter than yesterday," I nodded.

"I can see that," he raised both of his eyebrows. "Fine then, you're rewarded for behaving, both of you. So, here are you breakfasts."

He took two plates out of nowhere (probably Carlisle and Summers were so focused on the _unsub _that neither them had noticed he had brought along the two plates with him), with the same food he had on the previous day. The breakfasts seemed much more attractive, though it was probably an illusion caused by the hunger suffered by the two girls for a day. The _unsub_ never leave but he continued to watch both of the girls to eat. He did not untie them, he was expecting to see the girls to eat just with their mouths. The girls bent their bodies as low as they could touch the ground and began their breakfasts.

After they were finished, the _unsub_ grabbed away the plates and left the scene.

"Why didn't you ask him to let us go?" Summers screeched after the _unsub_ left.

"Even if I did, he will not let us go. I have told you, I know more than you! You have to trust me!"

"Why should I? The longer we're staying here, the more danger we will be!" Summers spoke as if Carlisle had no idea about that. But what Summers did not know was the detail of the 'danger' that she mentioned that would happen to either of them or both together. Carlisle on the other hand, knew too well. She had read up cases of sexually abuse, raping, torturing, etc. These thoughts creeped into her mind and sent her all the unusual worriedness and anxiousness. All this while she had tried so hard to avoid thinking. She needed to plan an escape route.

"Just trust me and I'll try to get both of our asses out of this place!"

"Try?" Summers exclaimed. 'Try' was a bad word to mention in this situation, to this girl especially. If there was no certainty of getting saved, this girl would go back to her rage and erupt.

"Why are both of you arguing? I thought both of you have become best friends?" The _unsub_ rushed in. He looked extremely annoyed.

"Let both of us go!" Summers shouted. "Please, I beg of you! I will do whatever you tell me to! Just let us go!"

"I thought you said your best friend have learned to behave?" The _unsub_ stared at Summers with those cold eyes, which sent Carlisle to shiver. She could feel coldness in her blood all of a sudden.

The _unsub_ clenched his fist. Carlisle immediately threw her body towards Summers to push her away.

"Don't worry, I'll continue to teach her to behave!" Carlisle stared directly at the _unsub_. She was trying anything she could to save Summers's life.

"What are you doing? Get up! Go away!" Summer cried. Carlisle continued to stay on top of Summers while seizing her to move a muscle or shouting.

"Fine, I'll give you one last chance, if she did that again, my fists will be blunt and there will be no mercy anymore!" The _unsub _was getting ready to leave the room, but Summers attempted a last try in pleading.

"If you weren't letting us go, you'll be dead! DEAD I SAID! This woman here is an FBI agent! Don't mess with-"

"Stop it!" Carlisle tried to jostle Summers.

"What did you say?" the _unsub_ squinted his eyes.

"I SAID-"

"She was just crapping, I swear!" I stared directly to the _unsub_'s eyes. "She was not in the exact right state of her mind!"

"FBI agent?" the _unsub_ heard very clearly to what Summers had yelled.

I shook my head vigorously. "No, there aren't any FBI agents here, I swear to God!"

"Tell me then, is she the one who is lying, or you?" the _unsub_ asked. His tone was too abnormally calm, and yet it brought along a little of enjoyment.

"W-what?" Carlisle let out, stammered.

"I asked, is she the one who is lying, or you?" he repeated the question, this time more inhuman.

Carlisle's mouth was half hanging opened. She had no idea what to reply. She knew if she replies, one of them will be the next victim. She was in dilemma, a serious hesitation. She knew there were tons of reasons for Summers to live, but she was not ready to sacrifice herself for another person, at least not for Summers. There were more reasons for herself to continue living. She knew she was more capable of doing whatever Summers could do. The probability of benefiting the society with Carlisle's survival was obviously higher than that of Summers. But she could not do it, she could not sacrifice a feeble girl's life. It would be too selfish.

"Of course I'm the one who is speaking the truth! This wom-"

"Shut up!" The _unsub _bellowed. "I'm asking _her_!"

To tell a lie, it is easy to do; but to tell a lie that can steal another person's life, it would be the most difficult decision to choose.

"What does he mean?" Summers's voice broke the tension in the atmosphere. She had no idea how terrible danger she was facing at that moment. "What?"

"I… I…"

"You… what?" the _unsub_ was anticipating the reply. He looked into my eyes with so much enjoyment. His pulse was accelerating.

"I," I stared at Summers before I finish my line. "I'm speaking the truth."

"What are you talking about?" Summers puzzled.

"I believe you," the _unsub_ said. He stood upright and then bent his body again to set me aside. Then, he dragged Summers away from the room.

"Where are you bringing me? Help! HELP!"

Summers's voice fainted. Carlisle was trembling with remorse. She could not believe what she had done to retrieve her own life. She was frozen, her eyes widened. Tears soon buried her face almost immediately. Deep inside of her heart was shouting, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" It was the worst guilt she had ever experienced. Her rate of breathing started to fluctuate and became unsteady. She tried to hold back the tears and gained back her senses, but no, she couldn't. This was the worst decision she had ever made, the most selfish one.

Chopping sound was heard. Summers screaming and crying were arouse once more. A frantic laugh voiced.

"Please save me from what I have done," she whispered to herself, with tears falling like a broken pipe. Her body curled, like how a baby was in a mother's womb.

**...**

The next morning, the police department of Richmond found a new body in a random alleyway. She was confirmed as the lost girl, Iris Summers, who was believed to be kidnapped by the same _unsub_. As foreseen by Rossi, the M.O. of the _unsub_ had been altered. The heart of the victim was not taken out, she was battered and chopped to death. Although there was a death happening, but the B.A.U team was feeling glad that the victim was not Carlisle, not yet. That means they still have the chance to save their newest member.

"It seems like this victim was killed out of rage," Morgan remarked.

"Don't worry, Hotch," Rossi rested his left arm on Hotchner's right shoulder. "She'll be alright. We'll get her before the _unsub_ lays his hands on her."

Hotchner glanced through the victim, ignoring what Rossi had spoken of. He tried to focus on his work so that he could get Carlisle out of the danger she was facing.

Reid studied the dead body lying flat on the ground. He wore a pair of blue disposable nitrile gloves and then he continued to examine the body. He looked at the fingers of the victim and saw some flesh stuck on them. He concluded that she had been struggling while battered by the _unsub_. There were injuries of post-mortem and pre-mortem. This told Reid one thing, the _unsub_ was disorganised when he murdered this victim. Unlikely with his past homicides, he had cleaned the mess he had done on the victim; but this time, the victim was covered with dark red blood, and her eyes were still opened wide. Since this murder was disorganised, the _unsub_ would have left clues anywhere unknowingly.

Thus, Reid scanned through the body of the victim once more to enhance his memory and instantly downloaded the picture into his mind. For him, it was the simplest thing to do. The moment he placed his eyes on something, it was transferred to his brain and automatically it turned into something like a photograph which he stored in his album, where he could make reference at any time. Without notice, what appeared in his mind had changed. The corpse's features altered to another familiar face. Dark long hair, bright grey eyes, reddish-pink well-shaped lips… She was Jean Carlisle. Dead and cold. Reid fell backwards, startled with the image. His heart almost skipped a beat, his eyes almost dropped a tear; his mouth almost opened to shout.

"Reid," Morgan called. "Reid!"

The image of Carlisle's dead body broke into scattered pieces in Reid's mind. He realised it was just his imagination. He felt so much relieved. He strongly believed she was still alive out there, with the _unsub_.

Morgan continued to nudge the frozen Reid, who was unaware of Morgan's calling.

"REID!"

"Huh? Yes?" Reid quickly turned his gaze to Morgan's eyes. Then he added when he realised it was Morgan's voice, "Morgan?"

"What has gotten you lately? You aren't paying much attention to any of us," Morgan raised an eyebrow while crossing his muscular arms.

Reid pressed his lips and shook his head. "I'm fine," then he continued when Morgan continued to stare at him sarcastically. "Really!"

"Come on, it's obvious that you are worried about the cadet. But we all are, so keep your mind on focus and stop wandering around," Morgan pushed Reid's head lightly and playfully. Reid pouted his lips and glared at Morgan.

Reid had no idea what actually happened to him. Why was he so terrified of the thought of holding onto Carlisle's dead corpse; why was he so easily distracted ever since she was abducted… Reid tried to ignore those questions that kept popping out in his mind nonstop. He needed his full concentration and focus for this case. The most important thing was to save Carlisle, for now.

Talking about Carlisle, another day had ended in her life. The sky had covered by black clouds and the only bright substance on the sky was the half-moon with its silver lining embracing it. How she wished someone was there holding her, to tell her she would be fine, nothing to be worried. But no one was there by her side. She was alone inside the dark room, with no lights and no windows. The air was stuffy inside and yet she could feel the cold breeze outside of the room. She remembered this was the exact time when the _unsub_ would come in and serve her dinner. She waited for him to arrive, waiting for the chance to escape, to be freed.

As expected, the door of the room was kicked opened and the _unsub_, as usual, had a plate on his palm. This time, it was spaghetti. Carlisle thought if he wasn't a murderer, he would have become a successful (and sensible) cook.

"Here, your dinner," the _unsub_ said. "Try it, it's delicious."

Carlisle stared at the meat while swallowing the lump in her throat. The first thing she thought about the meat was Summers's flesh. She did not want to become a cannibal.

"What? Doesn't look good?" he asked while staring at his own homemade spaghetti, frowning.

"Are they," she tried not to swallow but she did, before continuing, "the girl's…"

The _unsub_ burst into a guffaw immediately. Carlisle could see his eyes became teary from the laughter he just went through. He slowly wiped his eyes and tried not to chuckle for a moment, "you're… hahaha… hilarious."

Carlisle stared at him, puzzled. _What's with this guy? _He would have been the most eccentric murderer she had ever seen, though she actually had never met one.

The man finally stopped chortling. For once, he looked more sensible than he ever had looked. He could have been known as a normal human being without any psychological problem, from his look now.

"There's no human flesh in my dishes, so don't you worry," he assured Carlisle, who was still suspecting the dish. "I'm not a cannibal."

"How do you expect me to eat with my hands tied up?" Carlisle asked. She knew the _unsub_ would not untie her arms and feet, but she just had to question him. Maybe this time she would be fortunate to get untied.

"You're right. I think I like you," the _unsub_ nodded continuously with a smile pinned onto his lips. "You wouldn't be thinking of escaping, would you?"

Carlisle shook her head briskly. "No! Of course not."

"I trust you," he said. Without further ado, he untied the tightly tied rope surrounding Carlisle's wrists.

For the first time ever since the abduction, Carlisle felt a slight freedom. Her arms were untied. Though her arms were numbed and weak, but she managed to grab hold the fork and had her dinner.

"You know I trust you, right?" the _unsub_ caressed my hair gently. "Mandy."

"Mandy?" Her lips whispered softly, but it seemed like the unsub had not noticed.

"Soon, everything will end," he spoke again, looking relieved.

"End?" Carlisle frowned. She sensed oddness in his tone, but she tried not to think too much and figured the best way to escape.

That night was colder than the past nights. Reid's mind was empty, blank. He looked out of the window and stared at the cold city, lights were slowly switching off one by one, and soon, the city was shone by the slightest light from the moon.

_She must be feeling so lonely and afraid. Why am I so useless? Why isn't my brain working as well as usual? Why can't I think of anything?_

Reid's mind was full of lectures and scolding to himself. He wasn't even sure why he got so upset and tensed up.

"Hey, Reid!" Morgan called by the door. "REID!"

"Huh?" Reid startled and quickly gazed at Morgan. "What is it, Morgan?"

"What happened to you? You look so lost ever since the team handle this case," Morgan asked while hitting Reid's arm playfully with a case file.

"No... Nothing!" Reid shook his head nervously and rubbed his eyes with his hands. "I'm just... tired."

"Come on, Reid! You can't fool a love-expert!"

Reid almost choke after Morgan finished his line. "What the- What are you talking about?"

"You like the cadet girl, don't you?" Morgan teased playfully, this time elbowing Reid.

"What? No! Of course not!" Reid reacted dramatically. "NO! We're just friends! Aren't you worried about her?"

"I do, really! But not as how you worried about her," Morgan continued to tease. "You barely have your meals; you hardly speak during our conferences; you're always daydreaming when people call you."

"It's not like what you've said!" Reid argued. "It's just... just... well... she's young and... she must be... well..."

"Reid, your secret is safe with me," Morgan grinned and he blinked his eyes a few times.

"What? What secret? No, there aren't any secrets, got it?" Reid howled cautiously and stammered for a bit. "Morgan!"


	8. Chapter 8: Onus and Guilt

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews, I realised I haven't thank you all! I really appreciate it :) As I've mentioned in the earlier chapters, I will be in hiatus these few months, until December! Well, if I have the time, I would try to update during the hiatus. Major exam's coming, gotta strive as much as possible!

**- Chapter Eight -**

**Onus and Guilt**

"It's time," the _unsub_ told. His tone was heavy. He gave a sigh as though he had put down a cumbersome rock that he had been lifting all this while.

I frowned. Lost and puzzled. I thought I saw a twisted smile from his face. "Wh-what do you mean?"

He untied the rope that had been tying all the while on both of my wrists and on my feet. Without further consideration, I stood up speedily and tried to walk. It was like an infant who started walking when he just learned to stand. I almost fell flatly onto the ground. My feebly feet could not withstand my weight spontaneously because I had not been standing and walking for three days. My muscles were all tensed up and I could feel my feet almost at their breakdown.

"Don't rush, my dear!" the _unsub_ giggled sweetly, but he looked worried at the same time. "Such a clumsy girl."

I stared at him blankly. It seemed like he had really took me as who he mentioned, Mandy. The way he spoke was totally different from how he had been the past few days. He helped me up by lifting my arms and brought me into a car.

"Uh," I looked around the neighbourhood. It was silent. By that hour, I supposed it was almost midnight. "Where are we going?"

"_Surprise_," he smiled and started the engine of the car as soon as he hopped into the car. He continued to speed as though he was rushing to go somewhere and do something he had always wanted to do.

"This has always been our dream. Finally, we'll soon accomplish our dream."

The more he spoke, the creepier he sounded. I could sense he would really bring our lives (yes, including his) to the end. I kept staring out the window of the car to get some clues of where we were or where we were heading. I tried to stare at the road signs but the way he sped made the car as though it was drifting, so wildly that I could barely read any of the road signs, considered it was night too.

After about 30 minutes later, he finally stopped his car in front of a church. He jumped off the car joyfully and opened the door.

"Uh, are you going for confession?" I asked him nosily.

"Nope," he shook his head. "Come, it's our big day, big night!"

He grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the car. He rushed into the church and started looking for priests. I gulped the lump in my throat. I secretly hoped he could not find who he was looking for.

"Father!" he called when he saw a priest, who was lighting the candles one by one with another candle on his grip.

The priest turned his head to find who was calling him. "Yes, my son?"

"We're going to get married now! I wish, father, you can be the honour to wed us both?"

"Son, it is middle of the night right now. Besides, you need to make reservations-"

The _unsub_ took out a revolver from his jacket. He shot a glare to the priest, but the voice came out from his throat sounded so lovable. "Can you do it now, Father?"

"Uh," the priest trembled in fear. "Wh-why not you come tomor-"

"I SAID NOW!" As he bellowed, he sent a shot at one of the windows of the church. _BANG! _The window fragmented into pieces and fell onto the floor. It was such a mess.

The priest gulped. "O-o-o-K, son. C-come h-here."

The priest led us to the stage, exactly opposite of the entrance. He took out a small book. He was totally terrified, by the way he juddered and quavered.

"Your name, son," the priest coughed.

"Edmond Crowe," he replied quickly, with a smile. He looked like the cherriest person on Earth.

"And you?" the priest sent me a gaze.

"Uh," I faltered, because I had no idea if I should consider myself as Mandy or Jean. "M-Mand-"

"Mandy Wilson, Father," the _unsub_ replied again. The priest sensed something was wrong. He must have felt that I was the victim, held down by the _unsub_. I shot an uncomfortable stare towards the priest.

The priest nodded his head and continued, "Edmond Crowe and Mandy Wilson, the covenant which you are about to make with each other is meant to be a beautiful (he let out a short cough) and sacred expression of your love-"

"Just skip to the pledge!" the _unsub_ yelled.

The priest jumped a little as the _unsub_ yelled. He let out another cough, and then he continued, "Edmond Crowe, do you take Mandy Wilson to be your wedded wife, and in the presence of these witnesses..."

The priest paused and hesitated, doubting himself as if he had done any mistakes, then he continued. "… do you vow that you will-"

"Just do the short one!" the _unsub_ howled again.

The priest swallowed the lump in his throat. A drop of sweat could be seen falling from his cheek and dripped onto his robe.

"D-do you?"

"I do," the _unsub_ replied with no doubt and hesitance.

"Do you?"

I stared at the priest, and then gazed into the _unsub_'s eyes. The _unsub_ pointed his revolver at me. He scowled at me. As I continued my silence, he pointed the revolver to the priest, which sent the priest another jump.

"I-I do!" I shouted unthinkingly.

"You can now exchange your rings."

The _unsub_ took two small boxes out from his jacket. He grabbed on my right arm and stuck a ring to my forefinger. Then, he grabbed my arms forcefully and used them to put a ring onto his right arm's forefinger.

"Great! I mean, now, I pronounce you, man and wife," the priest said in relief. "You may uh… kiss the bride."

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped onto the ground. I was not ready for my first kiss, and I would not share my first kiss to a criminal, a serial killer! It would be dreadful! _NO!_

The _unsub_ walked closer and closer to me. I frowned and tried to hide my face away from him. I shut my eyes unpleasantly. At a moment, I thought I felt his breath slipping out from his nostrils and mouth. I could almost hear his heartbeat… He gave a peck onto my forehead… and only onto my forehead. Then he smiled.

I raised an eyebrow, but did not further question a single thing. I was slightly frozen. The whole event of that night had startled me. I just got married to a mentally disorder serial killer who mistaken me as his lover.

"We're now husband and wife," he grinned joyfully. "Come, let's go home! I need to announce this to my parents!"

He grabbed my hands tightly and went back into his car. The priest must have felt extremely relieved as he gave out a long and heavy sigh. As the _unsub_ started the engine, I had thought of escaping. I would open the door and sprang out thoughtlessly, and then I would run as fast as possible, directionless. But I did not know my location, even if I managed to escape, I had nowhere to go. If I went and asked for help, people would doubt my status as an FBI agent because my credentials were not with me. My cell phone was not with me. My wallet was not with me. The _unsub_ had a revolver under his grasp, he could shoot me if I made any mistake as I escape, like stumbling or fall down. If only I could take such risk, if only I had such courage… No, I had not. Because of me, a vulnerable girl was killed. Because of the lie, she was killed. I did not have such faith and belief anymore.

"Mom, dad!" he shouted as he opened his house door. There was no one in the house. He turned on the lights and rushed into the house. He then instructed, "Come here!"

I followed the source of the voice, to see the _unsub_, standing in front of a huge photograph, with a man and a woman inside.

"Dad, mom, we're finally together! We're married! Look," he took my right arm up to show the ring. "See, these are our wedding rings!"

He laughed hysterically before continuing, "You've always forbidden our love; you were never optimistic towards our love! This is the proof that you're wrong!"

He walked into the kitchen. He took two cups of wine glasses and a bottle of wine. He placed everything onto the dining table. He continued to walk towards me and dragged me to the dining table. He poured the wine into the wine glasses slowly until they were half filled.

"Come," he called. "Drink this!"

I held the glass slowly, reluctant to drink the wine.

"Drink it!" his eyes opened wide and his pupils contracted. It was petrifying.

I placed the edge of the glass onto my mouth and started drinking slowly, trying to drink as little as possible. As the first sip went in, it tasted very bitterly. The _unsub_ finished the half-filled wine within a few seconds, as though he poured it into his throat. As soon as he finished his wine, mine was only half of the half-filled. He stared at me, indicating me to finish it quickly.

Finally, I heard alarms coming closer as the frequency of the alarms rose. They came from police cars. Flashes of blue and red lights emerged from the slits of the curtains.

"What the hell? How did they-" the _unsub_ stopped his sentence and took a peep at the slit of the curtains. "Damn! Did you do this? Did you call the cops?"

I shook my head vigorously.

"Don't be afraid. Nothing's gonna separate us anymore," the _unsub_ held my hands firmly. "Everything will end like how it was supposed to be. We'll be together no matter what."

Someone kicked the door opened. He was Derek Morgan. He held his pistol straight and pointed towards the _unsub_.

"Edmond Crowe, get away from her!" Hotchner demanded as he walked towards us. It was like years ago, when he saved me from the kidnapper. He spoke the same sentences towards him. I felt a sudden warm blood rushing in my veins. His presence was shone brightly as compared the others.

"No," the unsub _replied_ obstinately.

"Fine, you want it the hard way. Fine!" Morgan bawled as he dragged the _unsub_ out. He cuffed the _unsub_'s hands to the back of his body.

"Are you alright?" Prentiss asked as soon as she found me. "Are you hurt?"

I shook my head lightly and planted an uneasy smile.

"Jean!" Reid called anxiously. "There you are! Are you injured? Are you fine?"

He grabbed hold to my face, he examined my arms and feet. He looked into my eyes and asked me to outstretch my tongue.

"I'm fine, Spencer. Really," I assured him.

Suddenly, the _unsub_ whined and laughed frenziedly. "MANDY! WE'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER! SOON, EVERYTHING WILL END!"

Everyone stared at him and rolled their eyes. A few minutes later, he broke down. His arms were holding his stomach. His face twisted so much caused by the pain he was holding. He let out a moan and then a screech. Blood was slipping out from the tip of his lips. Everyone started to panic. They quickly carried him into one of the ambulance.

"Committing suicide again?" Morgan raised an eyebrow.

"Let's hope he really died this time instead of suffering like the former suicide," Prentiss jerked her lips.

"Did the _unsub_ do anything to you?" Hotchner asked. For the first time, he had a different facial expression. He looked concerned and caring.

"No," I pierced a smile.

Prentiss brought me out of the house and Morgan led me into one of those police cars. For a moment, I could feel a slight ache inside my stomach, but I ignored. I assumed it was caused by hunger. The pain got more and more hurting, like thousands of pins piercing through my stomach and heart. I stopped walking and I bent down.

"Are you alright? Carlisle, answer me!" Prentiss called.

I realised my body was lying on the ground now, flatly. I could barely feel anything. My body was floating in the air. I was weightless. People were calling me but I could not hear them. They shook me frantically but I could not feel anything, except the vague image shivering. I saw the B.A.U members surrounding me, they looked fearful and frightened. I saw my surrounding moving but my vision was getting distorted and the image became a smudge. I could only differentiate white, grey and black. The last thing I had heard was people calling my name. "Jean Carlisle!"

Black out… Paralysed... Numbed… I couldn't remember anything I had heard or seen. Everything was like a bad dream to me, a dream that could not be recalled of.

When I felt back my senses, as the drug's effect had worn off, I could sluggishly lift up my heavy eye lids. They collapsed a few times, but I managed to keep them up after a few more attempts. The first person I saw when I woke up was Rossi. He was standing beside of the window, gazing upon the sky. He seemed to be engrossed towards what he was looking at. I slowly moved my body so that I could sit upright. He sensed my movement and quickly walked towards me.

"Don't push yourself too hard," he said, concerned. He quickly pushed me back onto the bed so that I was lying flat again. "You're not fully recovered."

I had mild headache and found that my trachea was not functioning well as I encountered difficulty in breathing. I coughed out to relieve the tension in my throat. "What happened?"

"The wine that you'd drank, it seemed like the offender had added in excessive methanol, resulting in both of you to be poisoned. Fortunately, the level that you consumed was very low, so the doctor was able to treat you with the right antidote," then he let out a heavy sigh, "but not for the offender, he didn't make it."

"He died?" I asked. I was half shocking, half relieved. Nonetheless, I felt sorry for him, that he had committed suicide because of his mental instability. I stared intensely to the ring on my forefinger.

"He gave it to you?" Rossi noted.

"Yeah," I grimaced. "Is it weird?"

"What is it that you find weird?" Rossi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything," I replied. "The ring, the marriage, the death…"

Rossi sat on the hospital bed I was lying on. "Let's not say it's weird. Let's say it's uhm… an experience, of your life's journey."

"Well, this experience was indeed thrilling and adventurous. Imagine living with a serial killer for days," I smirked. What I said did humour Rossi successfully as he tittered.

Without any signs, the door of the single ward was opened, and the person behind the door was Hotchner.

"Oh, you've done speaking to Erin?" Rossi asked automatically,

"Yeah," Hotchner seemed to avert Rossi's attention so that no more questions would reflect to him. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Much better," I gave an uneasy smile. "Thanks."

"So, what did Erin say?" I supposed Hotchner's attempt was ineffective.

Hotchner paused and frowned. "It's pretty late now. I think you should take some rest. Rossi and I will be going back. The others will be visiting you in the morning."

Rossi nodded in agreement. "True. You should rest now. We'll come here again tomorrow."

Before Rossi left the room, he abruptly walked towards me, as though he recalled of something.

"Oh, yeah. I've informed your family about your condition. Just in case if they call back," he handed me over my cell phone. "Here's your cell phone."

"Uh… Thanks!"

"Didn't you tell them about your internship?" he asked inquisitively.

"Ah… uh… well… I've been busy with work, so… I guess… I didn't have… time… to… uhm…"

"Don't worry, I didn't tell much," he let out a chuckle. Was it ticklish? I assumed he misunderstood the reason behind of my hidden secret, kind of.

"Goodnight," I wished before he closed the door. The two men discussed intensely outside of the room. I saw their shadows under the cleavage between the door and the floor and heard their soft murmurs. They were still outside of the room for approximately 10 minutes. After that, their shadows faded and I went back lying on the bed, wondering what they were discussing about.

The next morning, I was awakened by the doctor. He came in while holding a few pieces of papers.

"Good morning," he wished and swept his golden brown hair to the back of his ear. "So, how are you feeling today?"

"As good as brand new," I joked with a grin. He sent a glare and raised his eyebrow.

"Hmm," he sighed. "The medicine you're consuming might drive you to some side-effects, like headache, sore throat. So be prepared. The symptoms usually come after a few days. If you like, you can get some drugs to relieve those aches in the pharmacy."

As told, the other B.A.U members did visit me. They brought a basket of fruits along the visit. They asked the same questions, "How are you?" "Are you feeling better?" "You feel alright?" After replying each of those, telling them I was absolutely fine, Morgan and Prentiss seemed keen towards the story of my abduction.

"What happened during the abduction?" Morgan asked in an excited tone.

"I heard Rossi saying that he gave you a ring," Prentiss took a peek on my forefinger and she immediately gasped. "It's true!"

"I'm going to give it back to him, maybe place it onto his tomb," I replied while taking off the ring from my forefinger and gently rested it on the small table beside of the bed.

_These people do not have empathised for me at all! _Though I was annoyed with both of their insensitivities, but I felt pleasure for their keenness and enthusiasm.

"Are you heartless, people? Can't you see how tired and exhausted Jean is?" Garcia pushed the two of them away playfully. "Look at our usually rosy pink face pie, she looks so pale now! After you're discharged from the hospital, I swear I'm gonna buy you tons of delicious and healthy food!"

I grinned at Garcia.

"Oh come on, do tell us the whole adventure! We're really curious about it!" Prentiss whined like a child, requesting his teacher for story-telling session.

"Did you kick some asses?" Morgan asked, while air punching.

"No, I just talked some sense out of him, but I wasn't sure if he really understood," I shrugged. "I mean, after all, he did suffer some mental pressure."

"Yeah, did you know he actually committed suicide few years ago with his girlfriend, uh… Mandy! Unfortunately, she died and he survived. He was so depressed that he got into a psychiatry ward. When he was discharged, he killed his parents, and then he started searching for 'Mandy' to undergo the second attempt of suicide," Morgan explained.

"Did he hurt you? Did he…" He twisted the tips of his lips downwards and bit his lips. It was as though he did not want to know and accept the fact if he really did abuse me.

"No, I'm," I had no idea what precise word to describe except, "_fine_. No physically or sexually or mentally abused."

Reid gulped the lump in his throat. He smiled, relieved. His face wasn't as much tension as he first came into the room.

"The last time you told me you're fine, you ended up being sent to the hospital," He spoke sternly, then continued with a grin, "but I'm still glad to hear that."

As they continued to question me about the abduction, I eventually gave in and told them the whole story, where I was abducted and drugged unconsciously with Summers, how I instructed Summers to cooperate with me but she was reluctant due to her feeling of terrified and fretfulness. And when I was about to mention how she was killed, I stopped. The sound of her voice, yelling for help, kept rewinding in the back of my head. The guilt in me was built once more and I couldn't continue to speak. I stared blankly at my hands and the image of her crying continued to flash by in my mind.

"Jean! Jean!" The members called in unison. The images scattered and I regained some sense.

"I'm sorry, I…"

"Are you alright?" JJ asked while patting my head softly. "You looked unusually pale."

"Did anything happen?" Prentiss further questioned.

"No, uh… nothing," I stuttered. I was confused all of the sudden. I wanted to tell what happened but I felt embarrassed and disgraced for myself. What I did was very wrong and self-centred. I could have thought of a better plan that could save the both of us, instead of sacrificing the vulnerable victim.

"It's alright if you felt uncomfortable in story-telling," Morgan quickly added while caressing my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I repeated bitterly.

"Don't be, you did nothing wrong," JJ held my hands tightly. I felt worse, deeper remorse. The guilt that built inside of me had gotten even durable and persistent, like an everlasting scar.

Then, a familiar ringtone voiced out somewhere. Everyone looked around to seek for the source of the ringtone. Morgan even took his cell phone out and felt disappointed when he found out that it wasn't his phone that was ringing.

I looked at mine and grabbed it. "Sorry, guys. It's mine."

I answered the call and heard a familiar feminine voice.

"Jean, is that you?" she asked.

"Mom?" it almost sounded like a yelp.

"Mom?" Everyone spoke at the same time, some raising their eyebrows, indicating amusement, especially the cheeky Morgan. "Your mom?"

I nodded unthinkingly; I was not concentrating on the mumbles of theirs, I was just trying to focus in listening to the earphone. "What?"

"I said 'why didn't you make call'. The last time you called was during the exam month (you were too busy revising that you hung up our phone!). And just yesterday, finally I heard about you! But good lord, the news was awful! You'd been kidnapped by a serial killer and got poisoned? Do you know how badly worried your father and I were? We're coming to see y-"

"Mom! It's OK! You don't have to come, really! I mean, it's such a long journey-"

"Your mom's coming over?" Prentiss asked. "But we're in Richmond now, and you'll probably soon be discharged-"

"No, she's not coming," I answered Prentiss swiftly, while turning back to answer my mother. "Mom, I'm totally fine! There's no need for you to come down and visit me. I'll be discharged soon, anyway."

"Are you sure? It is better that someone can take care of you-"

"I'll be just fine, mom. I have my colleagues, moreover Camie and Laura are still living with me in our apartment, they can take care of me," I continued to spurt in whatever excuses were in my mind. "No worries!"

There was a sudden pause on the other side of the phone. "Your dad asks who your supervisor is."

"What? Oh, that," I stared at my surrounding to find inspiration for excuses. "Dad won't know him, surely."

"Why is that? Just say the name," my mother insisted.

"I'm now working in the B.A.U, dad doesn't know anyone from that unit."

"B.A.U?"

"Behavioural Analyst Unit," I answered mechanically. It seemed that this unit was not common to most people. "It's of the F.B.I."

"I really have no idea why you choose to join the F.B.I. You know your father loathes this whole institution, right?"

"I know, that's why I didn- I mean, just tell dad I'm utterly fine."

"Let me say hi to your friends there, I can hear their voices here," my mum requested zealously. I could imagine her almost jumping around.

"Guys, I'm going to use loudspeaker. My mom wants to greet you all." Without a second thought, I hastily covered the microphone of the cell phone with my left hand. "Just say hi!"

Of course, from the looks of those expressions, I knew they wouldn't just say 'hi'. I could foresee what was coming next. Voices, laughter, glee, hilarity…

"Hello, my daughter's friends!" my mom greeted with a cheerful voice, unusually high pitched.

"Good morning, Mrs Carlisle!" Somehow, this scenario reminded me of Charlie's Angels, where Charlie would greet the three 'angels' 'Good morning, Angels,' and the girls would reply 'Good morning, Charlie'.

I was a little embarrassed and uncomfortable about the whole atmosphere.

"Mrs Carlisle, don't worry, your girl will be safe with us," Morgan voiced out and the others rolled their eyes playfully. Morgan chuckled involuntarily.

"The doctor said she can get out of the ward after three days later," Prentiss nodded.

"Yeah, and then I'll buy her delicious food and make sure she's healthy," Garcia grinned.

"I'm glad to hear," my mom continued, "I'm counting on you guys."

"No problem!"

"Anyway, I have to go now. Goodbye, everyone!"

"Goodbye, Mrs Carlisle!"

And that was the end of the uneasy conversation, though the embarrassment did not flow away with it.

"Your mom is sure a humour mother! Such caring and loving," Morgan complimented.

Prentiss elbowed Morgan. "Are you going to flirt with her mother? For heaven's sake, she's _her_ mother, Morgan!'

I smiled uncomfortably and scratched the back of my ear, pretending I did not hear anything odd.

"Didn't you tell your mother about us?" Garcia asked, showing a little disappointed in her tone.

"I was undergoing a hectic schedule (especially this abduction), and I had entirely forgotten to call my parents. I guess I was too keen on my job," I giggled. There was actually a main reason for not telling my parents. I loved this job really much, and when I loved something, I would share with my family. But not this time, not when I was working under Hotchner. My father never liked Hotchner ever since the day he saved me. I couldn't think of a reason for my father to hate the saviour of his daughter's life. I had no idea if it was fate or God was trying to play a fool out of me that He had to place me under Hotchner. I swore to myself I would not tell my father about it, it will only upset him.

"Hello, kids," Rossi greeted. Everyone turned their heads to the door and saw Rossi unexpectedly.

"Rossi, you just missed the fun part!" Morgan snapped.

"What was it?" Rossi asked curiously.

"We just finished our conversation with an interesting person!"

Rossi pierced a confusing look on his face.

"It was Jean's mother," Reid replied excitedly.

Rossi shook his head with a sigh, like a father sighing when he found his kids playing in the mud. Though childishly, but he found it quite entertaining. It was not a bad sigh; it was more of a fatherly sigh. Rossi did have the features of a kind and protective father look.

"Where's Hotch?" JJ asked while gaze over Rossi, expecting Hotchner to appear behind of him.

"Oh, he didn't come along."

I bit my lips. "Is he still mad at me? For causing troubles?"

"No, he's definitely not angry or mad or annoyed," Morgan defended thoroughly. "Don't you worry."

"He was really worried and he blamed that it was his fault that you were kidnapped," JJ explained, "Even though he never told us."

Instantly, I felt relieved and yet inexplicable about it. At least he wasn't as cold as I thought he was.

Then, something snapped in my mind. "Strange! Why haven't you guys returned to Quantico? Don't you have other urgent cases?"

"Well, we do have, but now that Hotchner's suspended from his work-"

"REID!" They bellowed, everyone in the room, except Reid and I. Reid looked at them pure innocently, not knowing what he did wrong, and when he did, it was too late. His eyes widened as he could not believe what had slipped from his pinkish lips. He bit his lips unwillingly. The other continued to mutter angrily at him.

"Suspended? Why?" I inquired. There was something fishy, I could assure it.

"Nothing," they all replied together. Yet, another mistake!

"Come on, guys," I pleaded them. "What did he do?"

"Well, you know, Strauss… She never likes us, especially Hotch. She's been trying to get rid of Hotch all the time," Morgan explained and as he mentioned Strauss' name, there was this disgusted look from his expression.

"And what excuse did she use on him?"

"She said that Hotch couldn't take care of his own underling, and it wasn't the first time, and it was twice in a roll-"

"REID!" They all yelled at Reid again, except Rossi, who was standing there calmly.

"You mean me? He got suspended because of me?" I gulped the lump in my throat.

"No, it's not you! It was Strauss, she's always trying to find Hotch's flaw, intends to kick him out of his job," whether they were trying to persuade it was not my fault or they were telling the truth, either way it was, I would still take the blame.

Everyone glared at Reid. Soon, they realised everything they did was too late. Reid, feeling guiltier now, had his head facing the floor. I didn't blame him for speaking the truth; in fact I was glad that he told me, or else I might have been sheltered and not knowing what Hotchner had been through because of me.

"I guess we should go now. We need to return to the police department for our reports," JJ said while pushing the others to the door. "Goodbye, Jean. We'll see you again tomorrow."

"Bye." I stated numbly.


	9. Chapter 9: The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: **I do not own/associate with Criminal Minds nor any of the fictional characters. This is merely just a fanfiction.

**A/N: **Finally, I'm returned for more! Sorry for keeping you all to wait for an update, I just finished my major exam, so from now on, I'll concentrate on my fan fictions! Enjoy!

**- Chapter Nine -**

**The Aftermath**

The first thing I did after I was discharged from the hospital was to visit his tomb. Garcia told me the address before going back to Quantico. She was not allowed to leave her desk in Quantico (as the other teams needed her profession as technical analyst) but she sneaked out before anyone finds out. Hotchner on the other hand went back to Quantico after he received orders from Strauss for his suspension. Reid thought that he should accompany me to the tomb. He must have felt guilty for letting me alone that night.

"I thought he didn't have any relatives, but he had an elder brother," Reid said in the cab. "His brother said that before the whole tragedy, Edmond was sane, very sane indeed. He was a student in New York University, and he excelled in his tests. But Mandy's parents forbidded him to date Mandy. They believed Edmond was sent by a demon (they were extreme devotees). His brother said it was because one car accident Edmond had gotten into with Mandy that caused her almost losing her life."

My hand was holding the ring very securely, as though I was afraid of losing it. I didn't know why I felt so uptight. I bit my lips constantly while Reid was busy conversing and telling me more stories of the serial killer. I knew he was a little socially awkward, but the whole situation did not help me to get rid of the tension in me, it just got worsen.

"Spencer," I called. I really wanted to ask him to stop talking. I really wanted some quiet time for myself. I just…

"Yeah?"

"Never mind." But I couldn't speak out.

As we reached the graveyard, I hopped out of the car immediately. The graveyard was massive, as though it was borderless. There were many different tombstones scattered in different locations. It was a nice weather to visit such places. The clouds shied away from the sun, which was spreading its light immeasurably. Nonetheless, the weather was still cold.

"There it is," Reid located Edmond's tomb. "Follow me."

I followed behind of Reid, who was increasing his pace.

"Here," Reid pointed at the tombstone. "Edmond Crowe, 1980 – 2011."

I stared intensely towards the tombstone. I never really grabbed the exact feeling of losing someone. He was just there, holding captive of me a few days ago; now, he was dead. It was such interesting yet mysterious feeling. I ignored whatever I was feeling and bent down. I swiftly placed the ring onto his tomb.

"Rest in peace," I said, while stroking the tombstone as though it was human.

"Hmm, I heard Summers is buried here too," Reid looked around, squinting his eyes.

"She is?" I raised my eyebrows. My heart started to race.

"Yeah, her mother was really upset with her death and she caused a massive trouble in the police department," Reid tilted his lips. "A really menacing woman!"

"Can you lead me to her tomb?" I asked. It sent me butterflies but I knew, if I never visited her grave, the guilt will haunt me forever.

"Sure," Reid nodded. "But I'm not sure where it is located at."

"Never mind. We shall search for it, then," I pierced an unusual smile to Reid, who gave me a puzzled look. "Come on."

There it went. We looked at the tombstones and read the names carved on them. There were infinite numbers of tombstone. For a moment, I thought of giving up as we were walking. But by looking at Reid, who did not even feel weary at all, yet he continued to search and never gives in. I smiled as I was staring at his back. His positive attitudes drove me to be persistent. It was sort of my source of energy at that instant.

"Found it!" He cheered joyfully. "Mandy Wilson!"

At first, I did not dare to stare at the tombstone. I could feel the coldness in my blood flowing, it sent me the shivers. I clenched my fist nervously and bit my lips again.

"Are you alright?" Reid asked while staring at my expression.

"Yeah," I continued with a few nods.

I defied myself and stared straight to the tomb. I could feel a sudden ache in my stomach caused by the little butterflies, striking my stomach. I bent down slowly.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for everything." I could no longer hold my tears. It was a spontaneous breakdown. The shame and guilt in me were released together along with the tears.

"Jean," Reid called spontaneously, but that was the only word that was released from his breath. He rested his arms on my shoulder.

"Who are you? What did you say?" An unfamiliarly feminine voice, with such dark and threatening tone, appeared from nowhere.

Reid and I turned our heads, figured out that the voice came from the behind. It was a middle-aged woman, whose curly black hair covered her shoulder. She was wearing black, with a pair of sun glasses. Her lips were twisted and her eyebrows showed a sign of frown.

"Mrs Summers!" Reid called out. I jumped a little as I heard what he called.

"Mrs Summers?" I quickly rubbed my eyes.

"What did you say?" Mrs Summers repeated, this time louder and piercing. I could sense the dreadful tone in her again.

"I…"

"You're the girl, who was kidnapped along with my daughter, aren't you? The inexperience and senseless _cadet_?" her lips curled downwards.

"Yes, I a-"

Without warning, I felt a sudden rush of wind blowing towards my left cheek and something warm smacked on my face. It stung; it prickled. After that, I could still hear the echo of the blow. My left ear could hear buzzling noises, and for a moment, I thought I turned deaf.

"Jean!" I heard Reid's voice calling from my right ear. It was trembling. "Mrs Summers!"

"How could you? You, selfish brat!" She screeched, while the tears from her eyes were rushing out like a broken tap. "She could have lived if it wasn't for you!"

"Mrs Summers, mind your words!" Reid shrieked back. As Mrs Summers was about to give another blow to my other cheek, Reid gripped her hand firmly. "Slapping her will not bring your daughter back!"

"Spencer," I called softly with a vibrating tone. "Let her."

"Jean," Reid shook his head to show his disagreement. "It isn't your fault that she's dead."

"No, it is," I sobbed. I knew it was my fault and I didn't blame Mrs Summers for slapping me. In fact, I thought what she did was correct. She had the right to slap her daughter's murderer. If slapping me would make her feel better, I would let her slap me for infinite times.

She smirked all of the sudden. She took a deep breath and continued with a husky voice. "No, I shouldn't have slapped her. I should let her feel guilty in the rest of her life. This will be the best punishment she'll ever get. Let the guilt swallows her whole. She will always be Iris's murderer!"

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat, which had been blocking the flow of my breathing. She was right, this was the punishment I deserved.

"You don't deserve to be here, murderer! Don't you feel ashamed to stand in front of your victim? You're no different to that demented murderer," she then pushed Reid and me out of the graveyard. "LEAVE AT ONCE!"

"How could she? We have the rights to be wherever we want. This is the United States of America!" Reid whined while clenching his fist, before realising the depressed person standing beside of him. "Jean, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I sniffed while dabbing my cheeks with my hands to clean the tears. "I'm fine."

"Let's go," Reid suggested. I smiled at Reid, who stared into my eyes with those compassionate puppy eyes.

Even though it was just a week we had been in Richmond for the homicides, but we all felt the same, as if we had been in this place for a month. Finally, we got to step into the private jet and go back to Quantico. After visiting the graveyard, I never spoke to anyone, not even Reid, who constantly tried to find subjects to chat about. As I walked into the jet, I quickly sat on an isolated small couch which was the nearest couch to the washroom. Everyone gawped at the abnormal behaviour of mine (though they had sensed the abnormality for quite some time). Immediately, I laid my body onto the couch and stuffed my head under my holdall. I forced myself to sleep but the moment I shut my eyes, Summers's scream and her mother's words filled my mind.

"Is she asleep?" I heard Morgan's voice spoke.

"I think so," Prentiss assumed.

"Do you think she's been acting rather strangely after you two forced her to tell the story of her abduction?" JJ asked with a whisper.

They thought I was asleep and they never knew I was listening to their conversation silently.

"Do you know what happened, Spence?" JJ asked with an expecting tone.

"Yeah, you're the closest to her among us," Morgan added.

"Uh, no, I… I don't," Reid replied, a little shaky.

"I think she's just in trauma. Don't worry, she'll get over it," Rossi explained.

"Are you sure, Rossi?" Prentiss asked in an anxious tone. "I mean, she has just exposed to this team, the world we profilers live. She's still delicate and inexperienced. I'm afraid she might-"

"You don't trust my profile? After being a profiler for more than the years you've been living," Rossi stated snobbishly.

Had he overestimated me? I wasn't as tough as he thought. I might look sturdy but inside, I was just as delicate as a flower. Just a slight wind could break me from the stem. What if I couldn't get over it like what was expected of? I was suffocating by the blockage in my nose. I tried not to breathe deeply or make any sound so that they would not find out I was still awake, still listening to them.

After the long flight, after a long sleep (which I fell instinctively, not know when or how, couldn't remember the last part the others were talking about), I woke up to find an uncomfortable feeling on my eyes. They were swelling, probably caused by the excessive tears I had. I quickly dug into my holdall to find a pair of sunglasses and quickly wore it before anyone realised the bulging eyes. As the jet descended, I was the first to leave the jet.

"Jean," Reid called. "Jean!"

I ignored him and quickly headed back to my apartment. No one was in the apartment. Camie and Laura were still out for duties for days. I ignored calls and messages in my phone. I barely ate or drank. I was in my room, wailing, feeling guilty. The images of Summers yelling and the sound of the chopping were filling up my head; the words Mrs Summers had spoken never leave my ears. Life like this had passed on for a week. Then, I realised what I had to do. I had to go back to the B.A.U for the final time.

It was Monday. I looked pale and fatigued. My head was facing downwards all the time as I walked into the B.A.U. office. I walked passed everyone, the ones I knew or I didn't.

"Hey, kid, you're back!" Morgan called but I ignored.

"Carlisle?" Prentiss called in concern and still I ignored.

I continued to ignore all the voices calling me, and the ringing of the phones. I quickly walked up the stairs and reached the door knob of Rossi's office. I turned it slowly, to realise Rossi was sitting at his armchair.

"You're back! I thought we've given you a month's leave for rest?" Rossi asked in surprise.

"I'm here to give you something," I took out an envelope from my bag and placed it on the table slowly. "I want to resign from this job."


End file.
